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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27134449">the time we've been given</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/EchoBleu/pseuds/EchoBleu'>EchoBleu</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Shadowhunters (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alec Lightwood Deserves Nice Things, Alternate Universe - Arranged Marriage, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Arranged Marriage, Autism, Autistic Alec Lightwood, Chronic Illness, Chronic Pain, Disability, Disabled Character, Ehlers-Danlos syndrome, Falling In Love, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Magnus Bane Deserves Nice Things, Maryse Lightwood Redemption, Past Death of a child, Past minor character death, Slow Burn, Sort Of, Supportive Magnus Bane, They get the nice things eventually, Wheelchair User Alec Lightwood, Whumptober 2020, a bit of everything, probably, shadow world politics</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 20:09:24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>37,877</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27134449</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/EchoBleu/pseuds/EchoBleu</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>In the wake of the Soul Sword Massacre and Valentine's death, the Downworlders of New York push for a renewal of the local Charter with the Institute, and insist on sealing it with a marriage between a Downworlder and a Nephilim. Magnus Bane, tasked with leading the negotiations, finds himself drawn to the Institute's Acting Head Alec Lightwood, who also turns out to the be the Nephilim prospect. Can they work together to make some real changes in the Shadow World relations? Will Magnus be able to find a good match for Alec among the Downworlders?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood, background clace - Relationship</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>448</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>560</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Autistic Alec Lightwood</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I've had this idea for a while, and I tried to write it for today's Whumptober prompt "Chronic Pain" but it was also supposed to be a short one shot. Instead it turned into a monster, as is usual for me, and the first chapter doesn't fill the prompt at all, but whatever.</p><p>This is a canon divergence where Clary never tried to get her memories back because Jocelyn told her about Valentine before she was kidnapped, and so Alec &amp;co never met Magnus. Other major events happened similarly up to Valentine's death (except for a few details that will become clear).</p><p>[mentions of death and battle]</p><p>[EDIT] The amazing <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/ColorfulWarlock/pseuds/ColorfulWarlock">ColorfulWarlock</a> made a beautiful moodboard for this fic! It is now included in the fic but you should go give her all the love <a href="https://thelightofthebane.tumblr.com/post/647466819966435328/a-new-moodboard-for-the-lovely-echo-bleu-this">here</a> 💙</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  
</p>
<p>Magnus stands up from his seat, pushing the chair back and placing his palms on the table. His long blue coat, buttoned up to his neck, is both less comfortable and less extravagant than what he’s used to wearing, but he’s here on official business.</p>
<p>His gaze goes from one person to the other, calmly, down the line of Shadowhunters facing him. They are all wearing formal uniforms as well, leathers that resemble their combat gear but far more polished and rich. Except for the Lightwood spouses, who Magnus knows more than in passing, the others are all surprisingly young. Magnus wonders idly whether the Clave means to belittle their request by sending in rookies, or if the new generation of Shadowhunters might be more amenable to lasting peace with the Downworld than their elders.</p>
<p>“In light of the recent events surrounding Valentine Morgenstern and the group called the Circle,” he starts, “and the deaths of a hundred and fifteen Downworlders here in this Institute three months ago, we have requested this meeting with the local Clave officials to begin the process toward a formal renewal of the New York Charter that locally upholds the Accords.” He pauses, letting the words settle. The tragedy of the Soul Sword still weighs heavily on everyone’s mind, but Magnus can’t help thinking that none of these Shadowhunters will ever care as much as he does. Sure, they also lost a few of their own fighting Valentine’s men that day, but it nothing like the Downworld had to endure. “I am Magnus Bane. As the High Warlock of Brooklyn, presiding over North America, I will be leading the negotiations on behalf of the Downworld,” he continues. “The representatives of each Downworld species,” he waves at the Downworlders sitting on each side of him, “are here to ensure that their demands are heard.”</p>
<p>“Raphael Santiago, leader of the New York Clan,” Raphael introduces himself. Magnus nods at him in thanks. Proposing this renewal was one of Raphael’s first moves out from under Camille’s yoke, and Magnus is inordinately proud of him.</p>
<p>“Lucian Garroway, Alpha of the New York Pack,” Luke speaks up. Magnus can see the eyes of the older Shadowhunters widen. He’s not sure if it’s the use of his mundane name or his relatively new Alpha status that triggers their surprise, but Maryse Lightwood has to visibly contain herself from speaking.</p>
<p>“Meliorn, for the Seelie Queen,” Meliorn says, sounding almost bored. “My Queen was unable to come, but she will be appraised of the proceedings.”</p>
<p>“The floor is yours,” Magnus sits back down.</p>
<p>Maryse Lightwood stands up, and Magnus refrains himself from wincing. He hoped that they would name someone else their spokesperson, even though the Lightwoods are the Heads of the Institute. Beyond Magnus’ personal beef with her, it’s not a good look on the Clave to be represented by a former member of the Circle.</p>
<p>At least the start of the proceedings is as formal as it gets, and there is very little leeway for her to show her disdain of the Downworld.</p>
<p>“I am Maryse Lightwood, and I will be speaking for the New York Institute, of which I am the Head with my husband Robert,” she says. “The Clave will be represented by Envoy Lydia Branwell,” she gestures at a young blond woman who nods solemnly. “Aline Penhallow will report to the Council.” Magnus recognizes the name, she’s the daughter of the new Consul. It at least looks like they’re being taken seriously. “My son Alexander runs the daily operations of the Institute and will measure the feasibility of any agreement we come to. Finally, Andrew Underhill will act as secretary.”</p>
<p>Magnus’ eyes glide over the blond man who is already typing away on a laptop and settle on Alexander Lightwood, now seeing his resemblance to both of his parents in his dark hair and his profile. When he turns away from his mother, feeling Magnus’ gaze on him, Magnus is taken aback by how breathtakingly beautiful he is. He looks almost shy, but he meets Magnus’ eyes without a trace of disdain and nods his head.</p>
<p>“Given the recent events,” Maryse continues, her voice softening almost imperceptibly. Alexander looks down in sadness. Magnus wonders briefly if he should review his initial assessment that the Shadowhunters don’t care about what happened, and decides to reserve judgment. “The Clave has given us latitude to proceed with the renewal, and find an agreement that will prevent anything like that from ever happening again. We would like to take the opportunity to present our condolences for your losses in this war.”</p>
<p>“Thank you,” Magnus says, bowing his head briefly.</p>
<p>“We believe that the end of the Circle should be the catalyst for improvement in the relationships between our people and the Downworld, and the renewal of the New York Charter will be the first of a series of changes made worldwide.”</p>
<p>Maryse is obviously reciting her piece and she doesn’t seem completely convinced herself, but Magnus can barely stop himself from staring at her with wide eyes by the end of her speech. He can feel his friends similarly contain themselves. This is a lot more than he expected coming here. They will still probably have to fight for every clause they want included in the Charter, but the apparent willingness of the Shadowhunters is a shock.</p>
<p>Maybe the bodies of one hundred and fifteen vampires, werewolves, warlocks and Seelies dropped dead in their ops center really did wake them up. Maybe their own losses helped them see the gravity of the situation. Magnus doesn’t know, but he feels a sudden bust of grim confidence. He came here determined to get the best deal they could wrestle out of the Clave, but now he feels like they may reach an actual agreement.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>*</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The first part of the negotiations is also the most boring one, setting the frame within which the renewal will take place. Magnus lets himself go through the endless back and forth on locations and wording on autopilot, well aware that none of them actually care about this part. This is only for the sake of legality and tradition.</p>
<p>He watches the Shadowhunters instead. Maryse is still taking point, with Lydia occasionally intervening on matters that directly concern the Clave. Robert switches between paying attention and frowning at Luke, but his back stays ramrod straight in his seat. The young Lydia seems like a force to be reckoned with, and from the looks exchanged between them, she, Aline and Alexander are clearly friends. Aline can’t quite keep the boredom out of her face, while Alexander regularly shifts in his seat in discomfort. He occasionally exchanges nods with the two Shadowhunters who are standing guard, a young dark haired woman who looks so much like Maryse that she has to be Alexander’s sister and a blond man who barely moves from his watchful stance in the three hours the meeting lasts.</p>
<p>“Is there any other stipulations you would like to make regarding the conditions of the renewal?” Maryse finally asks, right when Magnus feels Raphael’s patience start to run out.</p>
<p>“Only one,” Magnus says, taking a breath. He eyes Meliorn, who remains impassive. The demand came from the Seelie Queen, because of course that’s the kind of thing she would request. “We want the agreement sealed with a marriage,” Magnus says. “Between a Nephilim and a Downworlder.”</p>
<p>He’s not surprised by the protests that erupt in the room, but he is surprised by how quickly they die down. He knows that arranged marriages are commonplace among the Nephilim, more than for any of the Downworlder species whose immortality makes marriage a complex matter. But inter-species marriages have been traditionally used in the Downworld to consolidate alliances or peace treaties, while the Nephilim very rarely marry outside of their own people.</p>
<p>And yet after only a few minutes of arguing, the Shadowhunters seem to defer to Alexander’s opinion. “It’s a reasonable request,” he says, speaking for the first time. “It’s been done before on multiple occasions. Nothing in our laws will prevent it, and it’s a common Downworld custom.”</p>
<p>Magnus narrows his eyes at him, trying to puzzle it out. It’s possible that the real reason Alexander is here is as the Institute’s expert on the Downworld—or maybe on Downworld history, since he doesn’t seem to have actually interacted with Downworlders much before, or Magnus would have heard of him. In any case, Maryse simply nods at him. “Lydia?” she asks.</p>
<p>“Marriage unions are Institute business,” Lydia answers. “The Clave will not oppose it.”</p>
<p>Aline nods in agreement, despite her frown.</p>
<p>Maryse and Robert look at each other. “Very well,” Robert says after a moment. “We accept. We will come back to you in a week’s time with our prospect.”</p>
<p>Magnus nods. “We will endeavor to find them a good match,” he says. He almost smiles at the Lightwoods’ obvious surprise that they won’t simply offer one of their own in return. Downworlders may have no problem with inter-species marriages, but they don’t do blind matches. There will be a careful selection process, so that the spouses actually have a chance at thriving together. After all, what is the point of sealing an alliance with a failed marriage?</p>
<p>“Negotiations will start again in a week,” Maryse says. “Underhill, you can stop the record. Gentlemen,” she gestures to the Downworlders, “would you stay to raise a toast to our new working relationship?”</p>
<p>Magnus raises an eyebrow in surprise. He quickly consults with his colleagues, who all nod with caution. “We’d be honored,” he answers.</p>
<p>Maryse signals the two Shadowhunters at the door, who open it to let in several people carrying trays. Champagne glasses are quickly distributed across the table, while a table is set up against the wall with appetizer food.</p>
<p>Maryse stands up, holding her glass, and they all follow suit, except Alexander. “You’ll forgive me if I don’t rise,” he says, reaching down at his sides. He slides backwards, and Magnus recognizes the wheels of a wheelchair as he moves away from the cover of the table.</p>
<p>“Of course,” Magnus says, trying to recover from his surprise.</p>
<p>For some reason, Maryse is glaring daggers at her son, but Alexander ignores her entirely in favor of regaining his place and raising his glass. Robert puts a hand on her shoulder and she shakes herself out of it. “To a successful compromise,” she says, which sounds like a well-chosen oxymoron to Magnus. A compromise is something that contents neither party.</p>
<p>Magnus raises his glass without commenting, plastering a smile on his face, and his colleagues follow suit. Once the formalities are dealt with, everyone moves from their spot and start to mingle, though the divide between Shadowhunters and Downworlders is hard to breach.</p>
<p>Meliorn doesn’t even bother and simply stands back, sipping at this flute. Luke squares his shoulders before approaching the elder Lightwoods, and Magnus knows better than to get involved in that, so he catches Raphael’s elbow and guides him toward the younger Shadowhunters who have gathered close to the door. Alexander is speaking in hushed tones with the two guards.</p>
<p>“Mister Bane, it is an honor to meet you,” Lydia immediately offers him her hand. “I’ve heard so much about your inventions.”</p>
<p>Magnus shakes her hand with a smile. “You wouldn’t be related to dear old Henry Branwell by any chance, would you?” he asks, remembering her last name.</p>
<p>“He was my great-great-grandfather,” Lydia nods.</p>
<p>“I have very fond memories of him,” Magnus says. It’s rare to have a Shadowhunter greet him with such warmth. “He had a truly impressive mind. A creative spirit of the like that only rises every few generations.”</p>
<p>“I haven’t inherited any of his genius, but I hope I can come to match his cordial relationships with Downworlders,” Lydia answers, and Magnus has to salute her smooth wording.</p>
<p>“I’ll drink to that,” he says as she shakes Raphael’s hand.</p>
<p>Aline Penhallow steps up behind her to greet them as well, more guardedly but not hostile either. Just as they run out of obvious small talk, Alexander turns away from the guards and comes to face them. From up close, he looks even more beautiful, though he also seems tired and drawn. “Alec,” he reintroduces himself as he shakes their hands. “My sister Isabelle, and my parabatai Jace,” he gestures at the two guards.</p>
<p>“Jace?” Magnus notes with a frown. “Jace Wayland?”</p>
<p>“It’s Herondale now,” the blond man answers.</p>
<p>“You’re the one who activated the Soul Sword,” Magnus states icily.</p>
<p>None of the reports the Clave has been willing to disclose to the Downworlders was clear about what exactly happened that day, but the name came up several times and stuck in Magnus’ mind. Ra phael hisses and takes a step toward Jace, but Magnus stops him with a hand on his arm, wanting to see their reaction.</p>
<p>Jace’s face tightens. “I didn’t want this,” he says. “I was misled into thinking that touching it would destroy it, not activate it.”</p>
<p>“Valentine tricked us all,” Alec says. “We are truly sorry for your loss. But Jace is not the one who should take the blame.”</p>
<p>It’s not the words so much as the pain and guilt on all of their faces that convinces Magnus. Maybe Jace is as much a victim in this as Madzie, tricked into letting Valentine into the Institute. He intends to get to the bottom of this, but this is neither the time nor the place. Instead, he nods tightly and squeezes Raphael’s arm to make him back off. “I hope you’re telling the truth,” he says. The previous amiability is gone from their exchange, and Alec winces.</p>
<p>“Tell you what,” he says. “I’m sure you have questions. I’ll sit with you and answer as many as I can, as a gesture of good will. To show you that we really mean to improve our relations.”</p>
<p>“I’d hope that you would do this even without these negotiations,” Magnus says coolly. “We have the right to know what led to the slaughter of our people.”</p>
<p>“Of course,” Alec opens his arms in surrender. “I don’t mean to imply otherwise. I apologize for not offering to do this sooner.”</p>
<p>Magnus nods. “Expect me tomorrow at three, then,” he says, purposefully not formulating it as a question. He needs to assert his status <em>somewhere</em>.</p>
<p>“I will,” Alec says. “Mr Santiago, you’re welcome to come as well. I was also hoping to discuss the case of Simon Lewis with you at some point.”</p>
<p>Magnus tunes them out in favor of observing the room. The discussion between the Lightwood parents and Luke seems stilted, but not about to erupt into an argument. Jace and Aline are engaged in quiet conversation, while Lydia is listening to Alex and Raphael with a slight frown. Out of the corner of his eye, Magnus sees Meliorn approach Isabelle Lightwood and her face light up as he greets her. They obviously know each other well, which is surprising. The Lightwoods have been at the head of the New York Institute for nearly twenty years, but they have made no effort to get to know the local Downworlders as far as Magnus knows, so one of them being this well acquainted with a Seelie seems out of character.</p>
<p>“I was afraid that you wouldn’t want to see me again, after—” Isabelle says quietly.</p>
<p>“My Queen cut all communication with Shadowhunters until now,” Meliorn explains. “I heard about your family’s loss, though, and I’m sorry. Are you doing alright?”</p>
<p>Isabelle’s eyes fill with tears. “We’re all doing what we can,” she says, putting up a brave face.</p>
<p>Magnus frowns. He hasn’t heard anything, but a tragedy in the family could explain how tired all the Lightwoods look, and even their apparent about-face when it comes to their hostility toward Downworlders. Magnus knows that the Nephilim have suffered massive losses in the war against Valentine, but he hasn’t really stopped to think of how that might have affected the Shadowhunters individually.</p>
<p>He feels like he’s intruding on a private conversation, though, so he moves on and turns back to Raphael and Alec. Waving his hand, he summons chairs from the table toward them. “How about we sit down,” he offers. Alec rewards him with a grateful smile once he doesn’t have to look up at them constantly, and it’s worth the glare he gets from Maryse for using magic without warning in the Institute.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Magnus and Alec talk at the Institute. Maryse has news from the Clave for Alec.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Chapter 2 gets into the crux of things...</p><p>This was betaed by the amazing <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/JeanBoulet/pseuds/JeanBoulet">JeanBoulet</a>, thank you! 💙</p><p>[warning for ableism in this chapter, as well as internalized ableism and homophobia]</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Magnus is at the bottom of the stairs in front the Institute at three on the dot the next day. He hasn’t held himself back choosing his outfit this time, going for a patterned burgundy velvet jacket, one of his favorites, and matching eye shadow. Raphael and Luke both declined to come—Luke claiming that he already knows the story, and Raphael that he trusts Magnus’ judgment. Magnus is secretly glad to get the opportunity to get to know Alec away from prying eyes.</p><p>It’s only when the door opens and Alec comes out onto the narrow ledge at the top of the stairs that he realizes there isn’t a ramp in sight. “Magnus!” Alec greets him. “Come on up!”</p><p>“How do you get in?” Magnus asks as he sprints up the steps.</p><p>“There’s several entrances,” Alec answers, nodding in thanks at the Shadowhunter holding the door open for them as he wheels backwards back through the doorstep. He’s in a more relaxed outfit than yesterday, jeans and a tee-shirt under a leather jacket, but just as beautiful. It takes Magnus’ breath away for a moment.</p><p>“Still, they couldn’t make you a ramp?” he asks when he’s recovered.</p><p>Alec shrugs. “It will be one of the things I’ll push through when I’m the full Head,” he says. “That and automatic doors. But it’s manageable.”</p><p>Magnus doesn’t push it further. He follows Alec through the corridor to the elevator and up one floor without a word. The office Alec leads him to has a plaque reading ‘Head of the Institute’ on the door, but the first thing Magnus notices is that the high backed desk chair is pushed back against the wall, leaving the space behind the desk empty. This is Alec’s office. He may not be the Head of the Institute in the Clave’s eyes, but for practical purposes, it’s clear that he runs the place.</p><p>“Are your parents away?” he asks just to check.</p><p>“They don’t live here,” Alec answers. “They’re back in Idris. Jace and Izzy are sleeping before they go on patrol.” He wheels himself to the table in the center of the room and waves Magnus to a seat. “Coffee?”</p><p>“Sure. So you’re in charge?”</p><p>Alec grabs the pot and pours two cups. “I’ve been Acting Head since I turned eighteen, and in charge of operations for two years before that,” he says, handing one to Magnus. “Just to be transparent, if we successfully negotiate this charter, I’ll be officially named Head, so I have something to gain beyond the obvious.”</p><p>“And what is the obvious exactly?” Magnus asks.</p><p>Alec stiffens at being tested like this, but he doesn’t hesitate. “Making this city a safe and livable place for Downworlders and Shadowhunters alike,” he says.</p><p>Magnus nods, not letting his face betray how pleased he is by the pronouncement. Another person would have fed him some platitude about improving relations, but Alec found a way to formulate it to show that he actually cares, and that’s a real point in his favor.</p><p>Alec sets his cup down after barely taking a sip and places his fingerless-glove-clad hands on the table one on top of the other. “Now how about we do what you came here for,” he says. “I’ve prepared some paperwork, reports from the Shadowhunters who were on the scene that day, but I thought I could walk you through the events that lead to Valentine’s invasion of the Institute.”</p><p>“Go ahead, then,” Magnus sits back.</p><p>“We found out about Valentine being alive when he kidnapped Jocelyn Fairchild and her daughter Clary came to us,” Alec starts. “Her identity had been hidden from her her whole life.”</p><p>Magnus frowns, remembering Jocelyn asking him to remove young Clary’s memories several times over the years. Now that he thinks about it, it’s been a while since he’s seen them. As an immortal, he’s not particularly good at tracking time.</p><p>“She’s the one who led us to the Mortal Cup,” Alec says. He mindlessly fidgets with a thread coming off his glove as he spins a complex tale of battles, betrayals, and Mortal Instruments. Alec and his siblings seem to play a central role in it along with Clary Fairchild. As he talks, the pieces of the puzzle fall into place one by one in Magnus’ mind.</p><p>Alec bows his head in sadness when he gets to the day of the massacre. He explains how Jace’s touch was supposed to destroy the sword, because Valentine had injected him with demon blood. Magnus grimaces at the pure evilness of the man, experimenting on unborn children. Alec tells him how Jace was ready to sacrifice himself to destroy the sword, but activated it instead, while Alec himself was busy trying to shut down the Institute’s angelic core. How Valentine immediately used the sword to kill all the Downworlders who united under Luke’s call to fight him, how the blast was only contained by the adamas in the Institute’s walls. How Clary Fairchild managed to deactivate the sword, but Valentine escaped by killing every Shadowhunter in his way. And, finally, how they caught up with him at Lake Lyn, trying to use the Mortal Instruments to get a wish from the Angel Raziel.</p><p>“You’re certain he’s dead this time?” Magnus asks. “It would go a long way for the Downworld to be given proof.”</p><p>“I saw the body myself,” Alec answers. “Would pictures be enough? He’s been cremated already.”</p><p>Magnus shrugs. “It would be <em>something</em>.”</p><p>“I’ll add them to the file, then,” Alec says. “You’re welcome to share it with your colleagues.”</p><p>“I’ll make sure to do that,” Magnus nods.</p><p>Alec shifts his position, leaning over the table. “Magnus, I want to say that...I know it probably looks like we don’t care about what happened to your people, but some of us do. I do. Jace has been eaten by guilt ever since. No one expected this.”</p><p>Magnus takes a breath. “I believe you,” he says. “But it will take more than that for us to stop feeling like you don’t value our lives. The GPS chips disaster alone—”</p><p>“I know,” Alec says. “I can’t speak for the Clave, unfortunately, but I’ll keep pushing everyone in this Institute to do better. I believe that things can change, if we fight hard enough.”</p><p>Magnus nods noncommittally. He’s not as hopeful as Alec, but he’s willing to give him the benefit of the doubt.</p><p>“Valentine may have been after the Downworld specifically, but he didn’t hesitate to eliminate anyone who stood in his way,” Alec says. “This Institute was hit particularly hard and our numbers are at their lowest right now. This means that as soon as the Charter is signed, we will be welcoming a whole class of new graduates from the Academy to replenish our ranks. I intend to personally train them in inter-species relations.”</p><p>“They say that the period immediately following a war brings out compassion and mutual support in people,” Magnus reflects. “I’m sorry for your loss.”</p><p>Alec squeezes his eyes shut for a second, and he keeps his gaze on his hands when he opens them again, his face lined with pain. “I’ve lost sixty-seven Shadowhunters under my command in the last two years since Valentine reemerged. I know it doesn’t seem like a lot compared to yours, but—”</p><p>“Losing people is never easy,” Magnus shakes his head. And while he mourns for the needless slaughter of his people, Magnus only knew a few of the dead personally. Alec seems the kind of leader who would make a point to learn the name of every man and woman under his command. “I heard you had some personal losses as well,” Magnus adds in a low tone.</p><p>Alec takes a shaky breath, still not looking at him. “My little brother Max was among the casualties,” he says through gritted teeth. “He was twelve.”</p><p>Magnus swallows, now feeling bad for pushing him. “I’m sorry, Alexander,” he sighs.</p><p>Even the low life expectancy of the Nephilim can’t begin to make the death of a twelve-year-old acceptable. Alec looks away for a moment more, during which Magnus feels the urge to put his hand on his arm, then takes a deep breath and shakes himself. “Here is the file,” he says, grabbing a purple folder and handing it to Magnus. “I’ll print out the photos for you. Or I can email them if you prefer?”</p><p>“Email is fine,” Magnus answers, taking a card out of his pocket. “This should have all my information.”</p><p>Alec takes it and hands him a card of his own. “Then it’s only fair I give you mine in return. My personal email and my cell phone number are on here. Don’t hesitate to use them.”</p><p>Magnus raises an eyebrow and surprises even himself with his next words. “Even if I just want to ask you out for a drink?”</p><p>Alec blushes and laughs shyly, his face suddenly looking years younger. “You can always ask,” he smiles.</p><p>“Oh, I think I will,” Magnus beams.</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>It’s almost seven in the evening when Alec gets the notification of the video call. He’s just back from the ops center after giving out patrol orders, and he still has at least a couple hours of paperwork ahead of him. He’s already decided to do it in his bedroom since he’s not on communications watch tonight, so he puts the call on hold while he makes himself comfortable on his bed. There’s no doubt his mother won’t like it, but he doesn’t particularly care.</p><p>“Alec,” Maryse greets him coolly when he picks up the call on his laptop. He’s surprised to see his father in the frame as well, since Robert rarely bothers to talk to Alec directly. They both look tense, and neither of them comment on the time it took him to pick up.</p><p>“Everything alright?” Alec asks. “How’s the trial going?”</p><p>“That’s what we’re calling about,” Maryse answers. She takes a breath. “You know the verdict will depend on the success of the negotiations with the Downworlders.”</p><p>She pauses, and Alec nods warily. There’s a lot hanging in the balance for the Lightwood family, more than Alec could bring himself to admit to Magnus. The Downworlders’ request for the renewal of the Charter came on the tail of the Clave’s decision to review the cases of all the former Circle members pardoned after the first war, Maryse and Robert Lightwood among them. Their trial is still ongoing, but it’s already been made clear to them by the Inquisitor that the negotiations will serve as a test of their loyalty to the Clave — the one thing that could save them both from being deruned. If they are successful, they will be stripped of their status as Head and possibly demoted, but the family name will not be dishonored and Alec will be allowed to step up as the next Head of the Institute and carry on his work.</p><p>If the negotiations go sideways… Alec has been trying to avoid thinking about it. The consequences for both his family and the Institute, if the Downworlders decide to cut contact or reject the Charter, would be disastrous.</p><p>“They got word of the Downworlders’...stipulation,” Maryse says with a disdainful twist of her mouth.</p><p>“The marriage?” Alec checks. His father looks sad rather than indifferent as he nods.</p><p>“Yes. They’ve strongly suggested that it would be a gesture of good faith if our family were to offer a candidate. Isabelle is well-known for her cordial relationship with the Downworld and she’s not spoken for.”</p><p>“What?” Alec breathes in shock. “They want Isabelle to do it?”</p><p>“They want one of you to do it,” Maryse corrects. “We think Isabelle would be the better choice.”</p><p>It shouldn’t feel like a punch in the gut. Alec should be long used to the condescension in his mother’s voice as she states what is an obvious reality: Alec isn’t a good marriage prospect. Even if his disability wasn’t enough, his brief and failed engagement to Lydia spread enough rumors about him that no good Nephilim family would want him to marry their daughter. He knows this. He doesn’t want to get married, anyway, and definitely not under these circumstances. His mother’s contempt shouldn’t hurt this much.</p><p>“It should be Izzy’s choice,” he says. Izzy is going to hate this. She’s as free-spirited as one can be, a strong believer in free will and true love. She’ll never accept. “She deserves to have a say in this.”</p><p>“Alec, we don’t like this anymore than you do,” Robert says. “But there’s no other choice. If we refuse, the Clave will have our heads.”</p><p>Alec closes his eyes and shifts his position off his aching hip. “There is one other choice,” he says after a moment. For Izzy, he thinks. For his little sister, he would do anything. He’s already failed one of his siblings, when he promised to protect them.</p><p>“Alec, you know why—” Maryse starts, frowning like she’s talking to a child.</p><p>For Izzy. Alec takes a breath.</p><p>“I know, Mom,” he sighs. “But look at it like this. The Downworld representatives only know me as the future Head of the Institute. They don’t have a history of pushing aside disabled members of their communities, either,” he says with a small measure of satisfaction. “To them, I might actually be a better choice than Izzy.”</p><p>Maryse has her mouth hanging open by the end of his speech, and Robert is looking at him with something that may actually be admiration. Alec wishes he could feel some pride about this, but he’s screaming internally at the fact that he’s now trying to convince them to offer him for a marriage he doesn’t want, without even taking the time to think it through properly.</p><p>For Izzy. He closes his eyes to give himself some courage.</p><p>Unbidden, the thought of Magnus comes to his mind. Magnus and his flirtations and his beautiful smile. So much for attempting to explore what might be there. If Alec becomes the Nephilim prospect for this marriage, they can’t have anything more than a professional relationship.</p><p>But Alec couldn’t have had anything else with him anyway. Not unless it was hidden like a dirty little secret, and Magnus doesn’t deserve that.</p><p>More than that, Izzy deserves to find her own love and choose what she wants in life.</p><p>Maryse and Robert exchange a look. “If you’re sure,” Maryse says, looking back at him. “We can’t have the Downworlders thinking that we’re offering them a bad deal.”</p><p>Alec makes a fist around a handful of his sheets and swallows back the bile in his throat, humiliation washing over him. “I’m sure,” he says.</p><p>“Very well,” Robert says. “We’ll let you break the news to Isabelle and Jace, then. We’ll be back to New York for the next meeting. Be ready to be presented.”</p><p>Alec just nods, unable to make himself speak his goodbyes, and disconnects the call, skin crawling.</p><p>He wants to throw something in anger, but he doesn’t. Instead, he carefully closes the lid of his laptop and moves the laptop stand over to the floor, before curling in on himself under his weighted blanket — one of the rare comforts that he’s allowed himself to have, beyond his wheelchair and compression clothes. The weight settles over him, grounding and painful in the best way.</p><p>He’s almost become used to feeling the ground crumble beneath him, but it doesn’t actually get easier. The last few years have been one thing after the other, ever since Clary Fairchild erupted into their lives, since Valentine came back out of the shadows. The first things that destabilized Alec so much — his engagement to Lydia, Hodge’s betrayal, Jace growing so far apart from him — now seem nearly inconsequential in the wake of Max’s death and the Soul Sword massacre, but each time Alec has felt like his whole world was coming apart has taken its toll on him.</p><p>Now below the anger and the hurt, he feels almost detached. He wonders if that’s because he hasn’t processed it yet, that he just offered himself as a tribute to save his family’s honor, or if it’s because his brain simply cannot take another change of this magnitude.</p><p>He still has paperwork to do, but he can’t think about it right now. His body aches from a long day of sitting at his desk and in the ops center, with no real exercise. Maybe training would make him feel better, help him evacuate the rage, the humiliation.</p><p>Yes. He gets out of bed and changes into sweats almost on autopilot. He should have the training room to himself at this hour. He’ll do the paperwork later.</p><p>His phone rings just as he finishes wrapping his hands up over the compression gloves. It’s Magnus, whose number he saved just yesterday after their meeting in his office. “Yes?” he answers a little brusquely, standing up from his wheelchair to begin his stretches.</p><p>“Alexander,” comes the silkiness of Magnus’ voice over his earphones. “Is this a bad time?”</p><p>“Um, no, it’s fine,” Alec answers, lowering himself to the floor. He grits his teeth as his right hip protests. “What do you want?”</p><p>“I wanted to see about those drinks,” Magnus drawls. “Are you free?”</p><p>“Right now?” Alec asks, internally panicking. He thought he’d at least have a little more time to figure out how to gently let Magnus down. More time to figure out his new situation, and where to go from there.</p><p>“Yes. Or is that too forward?” Magnus asks.</p><p>“No, but...I can’t,” Alec says. “I’m sorry.”</p><p>“Of course, I understand. Maybe another time?”</p><p>“I—I don’t know,” Alec chickens out. “I have to go.”</p><p>If he spends any more time talking to Magnus, he may well burst into tears.</p><p>It’s not about Magnus, Alec tells himself as he ends the call before Magnus can say another word. He has just committed to marrying a complete stranger, one he can never love, and quite possibly given away his future entirely. He’s always known that he’s too different to ever have what he wants, but there’s a difference between knowing that and finding himself at the foot of that cliff.</p><p>He forces himself to finish stretching before he stands up again and positions himself in front of the tallest punching bag, activating his Endurance and Protection runes. The first punch is a better release than tears, and he keeps going until his whole body feels like it’s on fire.</p><p>He’s going to pay for this later, but at least the humiliation and the helplessness seep out of his body along with his sweat, and when he’s done, he doesn’t feel like crawling out of his skin anymore.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>(for some reason AO3 ate the end note I put in originally)</p><p>Since we're getting Alec's point of view in this chapter, here's a clarification about his disability: he has EDS, a chronic illness which causes (among other things) joint issues. He's an ambulatory wheelchair user: he can walk, but not far or without pain, so the wheelchair gives him better mobility. He's also autistic because that's how I write him, hence the tags, but I'm not sure that it will come up in the fic by name.</p><p>I hope you liked it!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Alec prepares for the meeting where he has to present himself as the Nephilim prospect for the arranged marriage.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Once again betaed by <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/JeanBoulet/pseuds/JeanBoulet">JeanBoulet</a> 💙</p>
<p>You were rightly outraged by Maryse' words in the last chapter. Be aware that there is some more ableism from her here. I love Maryse's redemption arc in the show, though, and I do intend to give her something similar here, so it won't last through the fic :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The ops center is quieter than usual for the late afternoon. Alec would normally relish it, but today it just means that his on-call teams are all out, even though it’s not even nightfall. If this keeps going through the night, they’ll have to start prioritizing calls, leave anything non-urgent for the day time. Jens, Alec’s second-in-command and staff manager, has locked himself in the armory to run an inventory while Alec and Jace are stuck in the ops center with Sandra and Raj, handling the teams out in the field.</p>
<p>Alec swirls a pen around his finger as he listens to his main team bicker in his ear. They’re on a low-stakes mission checking on irregular vampire activity out in the Bronx, so they don’t need him unless something goes wrong. The other three teams need him even less, and they’ve cut contact for the time being, so he just needs to monitor the lines. He’s pulled out his paperwork to occupy himself, and the endless sheets of duty rosters and mission assignments are spread out over the ops table, his tablet in the middle as he tries to figure out how best to allocate his too-limited resources.</p>
<p>“I’m going to have to ask you to pull a double shift again tomorrow,” he looks up and tells Jace. He catches the pen in his hand to still it and swipes at his tablet to scroll down his spreadsheet. “We’re just too short-staffed. I really need to convince the Clave to send us more people.”</p>
<p>“You know I don’t mind,” Jace shrugs. He has his feet up on the table on the opposite side, earpiece in one ear as he monitors his own teams. Sandra and Raj are each sitting behind a computer, actively guiding their agents. “You think they’ll send us anyone before the end of the trial?”</p>
<p>“No,” Alec answers without hesitation, putting down the tablet. “But I still have to try. At this rate, someone’s going to get killed because of a mistake. Everyone’s exhausted.”</p>
<p>Jace turns away from his screen and looks at him critically. “You included,” he says. “You’re not resting enough.”</p>
<p>“I’m fine,” Alec replies automatically, his fingers now tapping a rhythm on his thigh.</p>
<p>He knows Jace is right, but the pain flare he’s been battling all week is his own doing, and he’s not going to start taking days off because he tried to punch a hole into a punching bag. Not while he’s asking his people to work overtime.</p>
<p>Jace gives him an unimpressed look. “Alec, I can feel your pain, remember?”</p>
<p>“Dammit,” Alec clamps on their bond. He tries not to leave it open enough for Jace to feel anything but the highest levels of pain, but his control tends to slip when he’s distracted.</p>
<p>“I didn’t say that so you’d hide it,” Jace rolls his eyes.</p>
<p>Alec runs a hand through his hair. “I know. But I don’t have time to worry about me right now. Can I count on you and Izzy tomorrow to oversee the meeting’s security? I don’t feel comfortable asking anyone else.”</p>
<p>“Of course,” Jace nods. He smiles, a little sadly in Alec’s opinion. “You’re still going through with it?”</p>
<p>“Yeah,” Alec answers. There’s no other choice, is there? “It’s for the best.”</p>
<p>“That’s what you said about Lydia, too.”</p>
<p>Alec sighs. His engagement to Lydia was a disaster. It only lasted a few weeks before they mutually decided to call it off, but his parents and the Clave gave them hell for it. They thought it was a good move, at the time, that getting married would give them a better chance to reach their shared goal of running an Institute and overcome their flaws in the eyes of the Clave — Lydia’s gender and Alec’s disability. They both figured that they would never marry for love, and it would be a good partnership.</p>
<p>It seemed like the best they could hope for, up until they got drunk together in Alec’s room one evening and both realized that they wanted more out of life than a cold, rigorous career.</p>
<p>“It’s different,” Alec answers. This time, he’s doing it for Izzy, for his family. It’s not about a motive so selfish as his career. He hasn’t told his siblings any of that, though.</p>
<p>“Yeah, you’ll be marrying a stranger,” Jace says. “And a Downworlder, too. Doesn’t that scare you?”</p>
<p>“Of course it scares me, Jace,” Alec sighs.</p>
<p>They’ve had some version of this conversation several times already. He wishes Jace would just let it go, but he keeps pushing. “What if you’re too different? What if it’s some ableist homophobic asshole?”</p>
<p>“We’re probably racist assholes to them,” Alec points out. “Magnus said they’d try to find a good match, at least.”</p>
<p>“Magnus, huh? You’re on a first name basis already?”</p>
<p>Alec rolls his eyes. “I didn’t ask. It seems easier than using his full name every time.”</p>
<p>Jace huffs out a fond laugh. “Alec, he was obviously flirting with you the other day.”</p>
<p>“Yeah,” Alec says flatly, his mood darkening. “I doubt he’ll keep doing that after tomorrow.”</p>
<p>Jace’s face falls. “Right. Sorry, man, I didn’t think. It’s just nice to see someone pay attention to you.”</p>
<p>Alec clamps down on his urge to snap at him further. Jace doesn’t deserve his anger.</p>
<p>They stay silent for a while, and Alec tries to go back to his paperwork without success. He hasn’t had the best luck focusing on anything this week.</p>
<p>He hasn’t spoken to Magnus since he essentially hung up on him in the training room, but Magnus has been texting him. It’s mostly innocent things, random pictures of the places he’s been to this week and small talk. Alec knows his short answers must sound clipped, but he doesn’t know what to do. He doesn’t want to lead Magnus on — he doesn’t even know what Magnus wants, to be honest.</p>
<p>Alec has read his file while preparing for the negotiations, and Magnus is a well-known hedonist with lavish tastes. He’s an immortal warlock, who has been around for centuries. What could he want with someone like Alec? With a male Shadowhunter, and a disabled one at that? Alec has been asking himself that all week, and it feels like every time he has even less of an answer.</p>
<p>The impending meeting weighs even heavier on his mind. Now that he’s had a few days to think about it, the prospect of being handed off to be married to whoever the Downworlders deem a good match is even more daunting. Alec can only hope that the Downworlders won’t expect him to step down from his work, or live away from the Institute.</p>
<p>He’s spent enough years systematically studying Downworld culture and history to know that most of the stories that make the rounds in Idris about Downworlders’ depravity aren’t true, but he also knows of customs older than any Nephilim alive that they could call on to make his life hell, if they want to. Three of the four Downworld species are immortal beings, and they have long memories. If they were to decide to make Alec pay for what the Clave has done — still does — to their peers…</p>
<p>No. That’s just his anxiousness talking. Isn’t it? The Downworlders are the ones who asked for the renewal of the Charter. They have more to gain from it going well than from making it into some sort of revenge.</p>
<p>However, by Nephilim law just as much as by Downworld custom, once they are married, Alec will fully belong to his bride, just as she will belong to him.</p>
<p>A commotion takes him out of his reverie. Izzy and Clary’s team has just come back from their mission, and the girls are striding toward Alec and Jace. Izzy stops on the way to exchange a word with Sandra, who was their handler, while Clary goes straight to embrace Jace.</p>
<p>“Do you have anything?” Alec asks her. Their team was on a crime scene call. Luke was the caller, so Alec sent Clary and Izzy along with Underhill’s regular team, even though it messed with the entire schedule. He knows Luke never calls for nothing.</p>
<p>“Another mundane taken,” Clary says. “It’s got to be for some kind of ritual. No body, but a lot of blood at the scene.”</p>
<p>“One witness says they saw a person with an owl face,” Izzy joins the conversation, leaning against the table beside Alec. She looks a little better than when Alec saw her last, reinvigorated by going out in the field. That’s why he sent her instead of Jace, he figured she needed some air.</p>
<p>He worries about her. She’s still recovering from her yin-fen addiction, and Max’s death has been a terrible blow to her mental health. It’s brought them all to their knees, but Izzy is the one who has been having the hardest time focusing on her duties. She still spends half her nights in Alec’s bed, plagued by nightmares, like she used to do when she was little.</p>
<p>She’s appointed herself Clary’s personal instructor, determined not to let what happened to Max be repeated. Clary is the only one of them who still needs training, so Izzy has taken it upon herself to work with her until no one can sneak up on her.</p>
<p>The permanent knot in Alec’s throat tightens, like every time he thinks of Max, hundreds of times a day. Even three months later, it’s still hard to believe that his little brother is truly gone, that he won’t portal into the Institute tomorrow morning with their parents, a mischievous grin on his face. It feels like a stab to his chest, every time he realizes it anew.</p>
<p>“Alec?” Izzy waves a hand in front of his face, and he realizes he’s zoned out.</p>
<p>“Sorry,” he says, shifting his position. “You were saying?”</p>
<p>“The mundane said that the owl didn’t move like a human. She was confused as hell, but what she described sounds like a demon to me.”</p>
<p>“You think a demon is collecting mundane bodies for a ritual?” Alec asks.</p>
<p>“Maybe. It’s either a greater demon, or they’re being controlled by someone else. A warlock, maybe a Seelie would have enough power.”</p>
<p>“Do we have any leads on how they’re selecting the victims?”</p>
<p>“Luke says they’ve got nothing in common,” Clary pipes up. “We’ve got six so far. Male, female, the youngest was nineteen and the oldest fifty-five. Different races, different jobs, there’s just nothing.”</p>
<p>“Could it be random?” Jace asks.</p>
<p>“They’re killing people in broad daylight, mostly on their way home from work. It looks targeted to me,” Izzy answers.</p>
<p>“What kind of demon could do that?” Alec ponders, twirling his pen in his hand again. “Most of them can’t go out during the day. It got to be a greater demon, and not just any greater demon.”</p>
<p>“Should we ask a specialist for a consult?” Izzy asks.</p>
<p>“The Clave won’t send us anyone,” Alec answers. “Not with the trials going on.”</p>
<p>Izzy tilts her head. “What about the Downworld? They have their own demon specialists. It could be a good start to those improved relations you keep rambling on about.”</p>
<p>Alec glares at her, unimpressed. His siblings have never completely understood his interest in the Downworld and inter-species politics. “Things are going to be tense while the negotiations are ongoing,” he replies. “But I can try to ask around.”</p>
<p>He makes a mental note of it at the bottom of his endless to-do list. He doubts anything will come out of it. Convincing a Downworlder beside Luke to work with them will be hard, and even if they do, they have so little to work with that it probably won’t be of any use.</p>
<p>Which means the only thing they can do is wait and hope the demon slips up. Alec sighs. He hates this, thinking about the mundanes who are dying while he can do nothing. They’re someone’s siblings, too, someone’s children. He keeps seeing Max’s body in that infirmary bed, so still and white.</p>
<p>He starts to gather his paperwork back together, but he has to swallow back a groan at the sudden white hot pain in his lower back. Jace winces in unison and jumps to his feet. “I’ll do that,” he says, grabbing a pile of papers. “You go rest. Put some heat on your back, for the Angel’s sake. You’re not working tonight.”</p>
<p>“I can work,” Alec grumbles. “We don’t have enough people.”</p>
<p>“We’ll make do. Let me take over, okay? It won’t help anyone if you can’t get out of bed tomorrow.”</p>
<p>Alec sighs, conceding his point. If he’s not lying down with a heating pad soon, he’s not going to make it through tomorrow, and he has to sit through several hours of negotiations. “You call me if anything goes wrong,” he tells Clary sternly, because she’s marginally more likely to listen to him than Jace. She’s still learning about Shadowhunter hierarchy, but she’s starting to take it seriously, ever since she got a dressing down from Maryse about it that she’s not ready to forget.</p>
<p>“We will, buddy,” Jace says with a dismissive wave of his hand. “I’ll put this stuff in your office, so you don’t get tempted to work on it in bed.”</p>
<p>Alec rolls his eyes. “Whatever.”</p>
<p>Jace knows him too well. That’s what he gets for choosing to have a parabatai.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>*</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Alec is grateful for his own foresight the next morning, when he wakes up squished between Jace and Izzy’s sleeping forms, that he set his alarm several hours before he actually needs to head downstairs. He lies still for a while, trying to get a grasp on consciousness, then does his best to avoid waking his siblings as he works through his stretches. His lower back still feels like it’s being stabbed by a thousand needles when he sits up, and it takes him a good half hour longer than usual to shower and dress himself.</p>
<p>Jace joins him in the bathroom as he’s zipping his uniform jacket over his back support belt. “Morning,” he yawns, running his hand through his hair in an attempt to tame his rather spectacular bedhead. “You gonna make it through the meeting?”</p>
<p>Alec shows him the activated Painfree rune on his wrist. It takes the edge off, and he can supplement it with painkillers if he needs to. He’s added Endurance and Stamina this morning, just to make sure to be able to focus on the negotiations.</p>
<p>“Mom and Dad will be here any minute,” he says. “I need to go. Wake Izzy up, I need you both downstairs in thirty.”</p>
<p>He doesn’t comment on how both his siblings ended up in his room — it’s been a common enough occurrence in the last few months. They’ve been needing to feel each other’s presence, more than ever.</p>
<p>Maryse and Robert are already in his office when he wheels in a few minutes later, after grabbing a mug of coffee in the cafeteria. They look formal as ever, dressed in their shiny uniforms, standing several feet apart.</p>
<p>Alec can see the cracks. He sees the way Robert’s shoulders are slumped, like he can hardly hold himself up for the weight resting on them. He sees the dark circles hidden behind Maryse’ generous makeup, how her posture is a touch too rigid, too tense. They haven’t let themselves waver since the day of Max’s Rite of Mourning, but they’re hurting just as much as Alec, Izzy and Jace are.</p>
<p>He feels sorry for them. He doesn’t know how he would still be functional without his siblings and his friends, but his parents won’t even let him see them grieve. They’re going through a harrowing trial on top of a tremendous loss and their rigid, traditionalist mentality doesn’t let them accept support from their children, or from whatever friends they might still have. Alec isn’t even sure they’re capable of supporting each other.</p>
<p>“Alec,” Maryse greets him with the same almost-sneer as usual, looking down at him. “Are you ready?”</p>
<p>Alec feels a surge of annoyance. He knows she’s not asking him about his state of mind, only about whether he has prepared all the paperwork they need. “Yeah,” he says without bothering with a hello, going to his desk to grab the right files. He puts them down on his lap.</p>
<p>“Son, are you sure about your decision?” his father asks. Like Alec has an actual choice. Like they didn’t all make that choice for him.</p>
<p>No. It is his choice, whatever the circumstances. Alec can’t—won’t—let his parents or the Clave take away his agency. He could have let them relegate him to a desk in Alicante somewhere when he first got sick, or even let them derune him so he could take his chances in the mundane world. He chose this life. He could be a little more selfish and let Izzy be roped into this marriage.</p>
<p>He chooses this. And he would choose it over and over, no matter the risks involved.</p>
<p>“Yes,” he answers with as much certainty as he can muster. “I’m sure.”</p>
<p>“Very well,” Maryse says. “Then we should go. It’s almost time.”</p>
<p>“I’m ready,” Alec says, turning his wheelchair toward the door.</p>
<p>“Are you really going to introduce yourself in that...thing?” Maryse gestures at the wheelchair with distaste.</p>
<p>“If whoever they choose can’t handle me using a wheelchair today, then what are they going to do for the rest of our lives?” Alec responds scathingly. He’s not in a mood to be diplomatic, at least not with his mother, not when she’s like that.</p>
<p>“It was supposed to be temporary! You can walk!”</p>
<p>“Mom,” Alec sighs. “We’ve talked about this.” She still treats it as if it’s something that he should only use in private, like some kind of comfort blanket. On a day where even the few steps from his bed to his bathroom felt like climbing a mountain, Alec is not willing to listen to her. “Besides, the Downworlders have already seen it.”</p>
<p>“He’s right,” Robert intervenes. Alec’s eyebrows go up in surprise. His father rarely gets in between Maryse and her children. “If they didn’t say anything last time, then they won’t today, either. Come on.”</p>
<p>Alec gives his father a thankful nod and wheels himself out of his office, not waiting for them to follow.</p>
<p>He has already decided to welcome the Downworlders himself this time, instead of letting Jens do it. He lets his parents into the conference room, but he remains in the antechamber outside with his second-in-command, who assesses him with a concerned gaze. It looks like Jace isn’t the only one who is going to worry about Alec today.</p>
<p>“I’ll be fine, Jens,” he says with a sincere smile. “Jace and Izzy will be down soon to relieve you. Anything I should know about the night shift?”</p>
<p>“It was quiet,” Jens answers. He’s older than Alec by more than a decade, but the deference in his voice doesn’t come from age. Shadowhunters have a strict hierarchy, and everyone in the Institute looks to Alec as if he was the official Head. “Jace handled the field teams just fine, and I finished the schedule for the week.”</p>
<p>“Good,” Alec nods. “Thank you.”</p>
<p>He turns to welcome Aline and Lydia, coming in from the cafeteria. They came through the same portal as Alec’s parents, but they’ve made themselves scarce until now, and Alec is grateful for that.</p>
<p>Aline bends down to hug him, always effusive in her affection. Alec’s skin is crawling with stress, but he does his best to return the hug. Lydia thankfully just waves at him.</p>
<p>“I heard you’re being unfaithful to me,” she jokes with an uncertain tilt of her head, like she’s trying to assess how Alec feels about it.</p>
<p>Aline looks between them in confusion. “Oh right, you’re the prospect!” she realizes.</p>
<p>“Yeah,” Alec tries to muster a smile. “Should I have asked for a divorce first?” he adds toward Lydia.</p>
<p>“Nah, I can share you with a Downworlder girl,” Lydia smirks.</p>
<p>It took them splitting up and supporting each other through their respective families’ wrath for Alec to discover Lydia’s dry and delightful sense of humor, so similar to his own. He gives her a real smile this time, his mood lifted a little by his friends’ presence.</p>
<p>“It will be okay, Alec,” Aline whispers in his ear just before Magnus and Raphael come through the door. Alec nods at her as they start a round of handshakes.</p>
<p>“Alexander,” Magnus greets him warmly.</p>
<p>“Magnus,” Alec responds, trying his best to imitate his tone. “Always a pleasure. Mr Santiago.”</p>
<p>“Raphael is fine. We’ll be seeing each other enough for that.”</p>
<p>“Alec, then,” Alec extends his hand.</p>
<p>Raphael’s handshake is firm and short, and his mouth twitches as they touch as if he enjoys it as little as Alec does. Alec files that information away in his mind, not even trying to meet his eyes.</p>
<p>Luke and Meliorn arrive very soon afterwards, and Alec doesn’t have time to have a moment alone with Magnus before they all have to move into the conference room. He tries to convey an apology with his gaze, feeling Magnus’ eyes on him as he takes his place around the table, the chair already removed for him by Jens. Jace and Izzy replace Jens at the door, a little out of breath, just before Maryse rises to start the meeting.</p>
<p>Alec shifts in his wheelchair, unsuccessfully trying to find a comfortable position, and makes himself listen to Maryse begin the formalities. Magnus’ voice soon joins in, and Alec has to shake away the intrusive thought that he could listen to this man reading out the dictionary.</p>
<p>“Before we move on to the next step, you promised us a prospect today,” Magnus says once the starting protocols are fulfilled.</p>
<p>Maryse takes a breath, glancing at Alec. “We have one,” she starts.</p>
<p>“That would be me,” Alec declares before she can go on. He’ll be damned if he lets her present him.</p>
<p>Pressing his feet into his footplate to fortify himself, he meets each of the Downworlders’ gaze steadily, defying them to protest. Meliorn has a slight smirk on his face, while Luke and Raphael look surprised, but not offended. Alec feels a tiny part of his anxiousness go away, the one that was waiting for someone to belittle him as a candidate straight away, and he breathes more easily.</p>
<p>That is, until he finds himself face-to-face with Magnus’ complete shock.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I know many of you were hoping to see Magnus' reaction in this chapter, but you'll have to wait a little more and contend yourself with this teaser!</p>
<p>I wrote an endnote about Alec's disability in the last chapter but AO3 ate it so I'll copy it here: he has EDS, a chronic illness which causes (among other things) joint issues. He's an ambulatory wheelchair user: he can walk, but not far or without pain, so the wheelchair gives him better mobility. He's also autistic because that's how I write him, hence the tags, but I'm not sure that it will come up in the fic by name.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Magnus is shocked at Alec's declaration. Maryse has some more news for Alec.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Here's Magnus' awaited reaction!</p>
<p>Maryse is going to have a lot more of a role in this fic than I anticipated and it's all <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/MoonlightBreeze/pseuds/MoonlightBreeze">Em</a>'s fault (thank you for looking it over, though 😂).</p>
<p>Once again betaed by the amazing <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/JeanBoulet/pseuds/JeanBoulet">JeanBoulet</a>.</p>
<p>Since it has been asked: the last chapter introduced the Owl, but I'm not following the S3 storyline at all. The Own isn't Jace, and this will all be a minor subplot, mostly an excuse to give the Shadowhunters some stuff to do and get some BAMF Malec.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p>
<p>Magnus stares at Alexander, dumbfounded, until Raphael elbows him painfully in the side. He almost cries out before he remembers where they are.</p>
<p>“You’re the prospect?” he asks, because his brain simply won’t compute the idea.</p>
<p>The possibility hadn’t even crossed his mind. Magnus curses himself for that now, because of course it should have. Alexander is young and single, rising through the ranks, already living in New York. Of course he makes a good candidate.</p>
<p>“Is that a problem?” Maryse asks icily. Alec turns to her in surprise, which breaks their connection and returns Magnus to his senses. Maryse is glaring at him, which is both familiar and a little bit unsettling. Mostly because Alec is now gaping at her. “My son is a respected Shadowhunter who will soon be the Head of this Institute. He will be a good husband to whoever you choose as your prospect.”</p>
<p>“No, of course it’s not a problem,” Magnus shakes himself. “We will endeavor to find you a good match.” He meets Alec’s eyes again briefly, already feeling the loss of their flirtations — which, when he thinks about it, Alec hasn’t responded to since Magnus asked him out for drinks and he refused. Magnus assumed he was just flustered or playing hard to get, or perhaps even still in the closet, knowing the general close-mindedness of the Shadowhunter culture. Magnus hoped to win him over with some time, but this is another kind of complication altogether. “Now,” he continues. “You understand that the chosen couple will be central to the Downworld-Institute relations in the future. Both parties should be fully committed to this alliance. So what do you bring to the table, Shadowhunter?”</p>
<p>Alec winces only a bit at the moniker. “The establishment of a Downworld Cabinet,” he answers, passing out files to the Downworlders. “Representatives from each party, meeting once a week to discuss current issues in the local Shadow World. I want to make the actions of the Institute totally transparent to the Downworld.”</p>
<p>Magnus glances at his file, recognizing a project proposal. “The Clave agrees with this?”</p>
<p>Lydia stands up to answer. “On a trial basis, and on the condition that the meetings are recorded and held either in the Institute itself or in a neutral location.”</p>
<p>Magnus exchanges a glance with Luke. Alec getting the Clave to agree to something like this is potentially huge, especially if he did all this in the last week since they proposed the marriage.</p>
<p>“We’ll study the proposal,” Magnus says after silently checking with the others. “The concept can be added to the clauses of the Charter.”</p>
<p>He doesn’t know why his heart feels so heavy at accepting Alec’s candidature. Sure, it means the end of their flirting, but they don’t even know each other, not really. It shouldn’t matter. Alec is just another Nephilim. One that intrigues Magnus more than any other he’s met, sure, but still just a man he met a week ago for the first time.</p>
<p>He has to fight with himself to focus on the rest of the proceedings, rather than just stare at Alec pensively. Raphael kicks his shin under the table a few times to bring him back, so hard that Magnus has to use his magic to quiet the pain of the bruise he’s sure to develop.</p>
<p>Alec takes a more active part in today’s meeting now that his role here is better defined, and he once more proves himself a gifted diplomat. He weaves the propositions together effortlessly to make a cohesive whole, giving each objection exactly the attention it deserves, and it quickly becomes obvious that he’s the real leader of the Nephilim side here.</p>
<p>He looks tired, Magnus thinks. He keeps shifting his position, and Magnus catches him once using his stele to activate a rune on his wrist. He remembers what Alec told him about the death of his younger brother, and looking closely, Magnus can see the signs in Maryse and Robert’s face too. They’re more drawn and less combative than he’s ever seen them. He put it on their age at first, since they haven’t crossed paths all that often since the days of the Circle, but he can see the sadness in their eyes now.</p>
<p>Alec’s siblings are guarding the door again, never moving from their position despite the meeting lasting for hours. Jace stands with his hands clasped behind his back, surveying the room, while Isabelle leans against the door frame, attentive to potential threats from the outside. None of them match what Magnus would have expected of Maryse and Robert Lightwood’s offspring.</p>
<p>And now he finds himself in the truly bizarre situation of having to match-make for the one Lightwood he’s attracted to.</p>
<p>“Alexander,” he calls as soon as Maryse declares the meeting over and everyone starts moving. Alec smoothly turns back toward him. “We should meet to discuss the details of the marriage arrangement. Do you have time right now?”</p>
<p>Alec shakes his head, glancing at his siblings. “I’m sorry, but I have to work through the rest of the day. We could meet on Thursday?”</p>
<p>“Of course,” Magnus accepts. “How about you come over to my loft? We’ll be more comfortable in a Downworld lair to discuss Downworlder prospects.”</p>
<p>“Is it accessible?” Alec taps one the push rim of his wheelchair.</p>
<p>“Yes, of course,” Magnus smiles. “The address is on my card, but I can always portal you there if it’s easier.”</p>
<p>Alec shakes his head. “I’ll be fine.”</p>
<p>He seems tense as he accompanies the Downworlders back to the Institute’s entrance corridor, where Magnus opens a portal. Only Meliorn refuses it, disappearing instead through the large front doors. Alec shakes hands again with Raphael and Luke and watches them go.</p>
<p>“If I had known you were the prospect, I wouldn’t have insisted on a date,” Magnus tells him before he steps through himself. The other Nephilims have stayed back, so they’re as alone as they’re going to be today.</p>
<p>“Thank you for not making it awkward,” Alec says, embarrassed. “I couldn’t tell you until it was official.”</p>
<p>“I understand, Alexander,” Magnus answers. “I’ll see you on Thursday.”</p>
<p>It’s only because he’s still watching Alec from the corner of his eye right up to the moment the portal engulfs him that Magnus sees his shoulders slump and his demeanor lose its assurance before he disappears from sight. Magnus keeps staring in his direction long after the portal has vanished and he’s back in his loft, unable to get Alec out of his head.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>*</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Alec isn’t truly surprised when his siblings and Jens conspire against him to get him to rest. He doesn’t make more than a perfunctory attempt at resisting them, either. The four hours the meeting lasted have emptied him of all his energy, and it’s all he can do to dodge his parents and make it back to his room.</p>
<p>He allows himself a half-hour nap, aided by a sleep rune. He feels bleary and still exhausted coming out of it, but he can’t afford more, not when he has to catch up on last night. He opens his laptop and starts going through the patrol reports and Jens’ updated schedule.</p>
<p>Despite the Painless rune, he has trouble staying focused enough to read more than a line at a time. He jumps when there’s a knock on his door, and realizes that he’s been staring at nothing for at least five minutes.</p>
<p>“Alec?”</p>
<p>It’s his mother. In a panic, Alec runs a hand over his hair to flatten it and pushes himself up against the headboard, trying to look alert even though he knows it’s a lost cause. “Come in,” he calls out.</p>
<p>Maryse pushes the door open with her shoulder, hands burdened by a large tray filled with enough food for two. “You didn’t come down for lunch,” she says. “I figured I’d bring it to you.”</p>
<p>Alec blinks at her sluggishly, trying to process the sudden change in her demeanor. She’s still in her formal uniform, but she’s lost the jacket and rolled up the sleeves of her blouse. Her posture is almost hesitant as she stands close to the door.</p>
<p>“I thought you’d already gone back to Idris,” he says, putting aside his laptop and crossing his legs to make space. He gestures at her to come closer, and she sits down at the foot of the bed, placing the tray between them.</p>
<p>“Your father left with Lydia and Aline, but I’m staying this week. I know you’re understaffed. I thought I could help ease some of the pressure.”</p>
<p>Alec doesn’t let his shock show on his face. She’s brushed off his attempts to ask for backup so far, so this is a surprising turnaround. Especially since there is none of the usual disapproval on her face as she says it.</p>
<p>“You’re not needed in Idris?” he asks.</p>
<p>Maryse sighs. “I actually need to talk to you about that. But first,” she leans closer, intently looking in his direction, “I wanted to tell you that I’m proud of you. The way you held yourself today, you proved that you will make a great Head when you’re officially appointed. It’s everything your father and I ever wanted for you.”</p>
<p>Alec freezes for a moment, the words, though warm and congratulatory, staying stuck in his brain. He grips the edge of his blanket. “I doubt it,” he rushes out, before he can stop himself. He’s not at all sure that he has the energy for a confrontation with his mother, but if he lets this go, he’ll hate himself.</p>
<p>Maryse bites her lip and looks away, her eyes landing on his wheelchair, abandoned by the door. “It is,” she looks back at Alec. “I have been hard on you because I was scared for you, and I didn’t want to accept the way things are. But you’ve proven me wrong over and over, and I’m sorry that I couldn’t see it until now.”</p>
<p>Alec opens his mouth and closes it again, the familiar pressure of tears building behind his eyes. He struggles for something to say for a while, a knot in his throat. “I—thank you,” he croaks out.</p>
<p>“I know it’s not enough, but I want to try to do better,” Maryse says.</p>
<p>Alec nods, swallowing. It’s hard to believe, because those aren’t words he thought he’d hear from his mother one day. He’s not foolish enough to think that she’s suddenly changed, that everything they butt heads on will disappear, or even that she’ll become a great mother overnight. He’s not going to trust this about-face until he actually sees it in action. But...it’s still more than he ever expected.</p>
<p>Tentatively, she offers him one of the plates on the tray, and takes the other for herself when he accepts it. Alec digs into his food in silence, realizing that he hasn’t eaten anything since lunch yesterday.</p>
<p>“What did you want to talk to me about?” he asks after a while, unable to stand any more of his silence. It’s so uncharacteristic of their interactions of late. Maryse is usually all business, always on the move, barking out orders. Even since Max… She hasn’t stopped once. She didn’t take time off to grieve, none of them really did.</p>
<p>“The trial,” Maryse says. She takes a breath, as if to fortify herself, and it reminds Alec of the day she told him and Jace that Robert was cheating on her, earlier this year. It feels like an eternity ago, now. “This—your—marriage isn’t the only thing that moved forward this week. The sentencing isn’t official yet, but we’re been privately told what should happen.” She takes another breath, looking down at her hands. “Robert will be demoted and permanently assigned to an Institute as an instructor.”</p>
<p>“And you?” Alec asks, apprehension gripping him. Maryse’s hesitation can’t mean good news.</p>
<p>“I will be deruned and exiled from Idris,” Maryse breathes out.</p>
<p>“What?” Alec pushes his plate away and sits up fully. “How is that fair? You’ve given your <em>life</em> to the Clave!”</p>
<p>Maryse stands, tugging at her hair in an uncharacteristic moment of frustration. “Please don’t make this harder than it has to be,” she says, and there’s a hint of her usual exacting tone.</p>
<p>Alec pinches the bridge of his nose, breathing through his mouth. “They said they’d be more lenient if the negotiations went well. They’re going fine so far. Why ask us to step up for this marriage if they’re just going to derune you anyway?”</p>
<p>“They won’t ask me to cut contact with my family,” Maryse answers. “And Robert’s crimes were less serious, so he gets a deal. Our punishments won’t impact you and your siblings. I am sorry about the marriage. I wish they hadn’t asked for that, but we aren’t in a position to refuse.”</p>
<p>Alec sighs. He can see that she’s on the brink of tears, so he doesn’t push further, but the injustice eats away at him. The Clave’s decisions can be harsh and incomprehensible, he knows that, and he also knows that they have little choice but to yield. But this simply feels wrong.</p>
<p>“Alec, this punishment comes twenty years later than it should have, but it is just. The things I did for Valentine are unforgivable.”</p>
<p>Alec closes his eyes, remembering his own reaction when Lydia disclosed to him that his parents were once part of the Circle. He thought so too, back then. He still believes it to some extent, but he’s also come to understand far more about atonement and redemption. About sacrifice. And his parents have sacrificed so much for the Clave.</p>
<p>Maryse seems to follow his train of thought, because she continues, “I’d hoped that dedicating the rest of my life to undoing the wrongs I did would be enough, but the deal we were given twenty years ago was a product of the Clave’s corruption. I will not fight this decision.”</p>
<p>“Then <em>I</em> will,” Alec declares.</p>
<p>“No. You are in a position to make real, positive change to the way things are done, change that is <em>needed</em>. You’ve accomplished so much already, and you fought for this twice as hard as everyone else because of who you are. I won’t let you throw it all away for me.”</p>
<p>Alec leans back against the headboard, letting her words wash over him. He has a hard time appreciating the recognition he’s craved for so long when it comes with this kind of news. He used to want to hear these words so badly. He might have even believed without question that she thought them, when he was so desperate for someone to acknowledge his struggling. Now, he can’t help but wonder whether she has an ulterior motive in saying them.</p>
<p>He grabs his stele from his nightstand and runs it over his wrist rune for what feels like the hundredth time today, but it barely eases the deep ache in his back and left hip. This might be easier to puzzle out if he wasn’t so damn tired.</p>
<p>It doesn’t matter, he decides. This isn’t about him. It’s about his mother facing a terrifying change in her life, and what he can do to help her.</p>
<p>He looks back up to find Maryse staring, something unreadable on her face. She’s sat back down at the foot of the bed, their meals forgotten on the tray between them. “Okay,” Alec relents. “I won’t jeopardize my position.” He hates it, but it’s unlikely he could overturn the punishment anyway.</p>
<p>“Thank you,” Maryse breathes.</p>
<p>“When will it happen?” Alec asks.</p>
<p>Maryse swallows. “Next week. Wednesday.”</p>
<p>“So soon?”</p>
<p>“The decision will be announced before the weekend,” Maryse says. “I wanted to spend my last week here with you and your siblings. I’ve been stripped of all my functions, so I don’t have any other work.”</p>
<p>Alec nods. “You’re always welcome here,” he says, not letting himself think about the fact that it’s been a long time since he’s enjoyed her presence in the Institute in any way. Maybe things will change, now that she won’t be his commander. “Even afterwards, okay? We’re not going to walk away from you.”</p>
<p>“Thank you,” Maryse gives him a small smile. She’s shown more emotions during this conversation than she has in years in front of Alec, excluding the days after Max’s death. It reminds him of the caring mother she once was to him, before he started his training, before Jace and Max and Alec’s illness—fleeting memories he has of sweeter times, but they might well be a creation of his lonely mind. Was she ever a softer person? Was it working for the Clave that hardened her this way? For the Circle? Was it marrying a man she didn’t love?</p>
<p>“I’ll be there with you, for the deruning,” Alec promises. He won’t let her face that alone. He can’t imagine that even if Robert bothers to come, he’ll be much of a comfort, and Maryse should have someone there to lean on. “What about Dad? Are you going to divorce him?”</p>
<p>He knows they put everything on hold when Max died and at least tried to be there for each other, but they haven’t truly gotten back together.</p>
<p>“The deruning process would break the marriage anyway, but we will be getting a divorce before it happens,” Maryse answers. “It’s being finalized right now.” She reaches for her plate again and resumes eating as if they’d never stopped, but Alec can see the facade for what it is. He plays along, sipping from his glass of water.</p>
<p>“How do you feel about <em>your</em> marriage?” Maryse asks. “I’m sorry that we sprung it on you without a warning.”</p>
<p>Alec frowns, the sting of humiliation from the other day still present. “I’m glad the meeting went well,” he says, ignoring her half-assed apology. “I hope that whoever I marry will be someone I can work with.”</p>
<p>“Oh, Alec,” Maryse sighs. “I wish you were free to marry for love, and to choose your own path.”</p>
<p>Alec buries down his irrational anger at the fact that she’s one of the people who have imposed this on him. Not just the marriage, but everything else, too. Nephilim may be born with a duty to the world, but so much of what he’s struggled with has been the Clave and his parents’ doing, not their angelic calling. There is no place for someone like Alec in a world ruled by the Clave, and he still has to fight tooth and nail just to be allowed to live in it with dignity.</p>
<p>“You didn’t marry for love either,” he settles on. “I’ll be okay.”</p>
<p>“You always are,” Maryse smiles.</p>
<p>Alec looks away, wishing she could recognize how far from the truth that is. But it’s his own fault as much as hers. He’s long fallen into the habit of keeping things to himself, hiding his pain because no one wanted to see it. Jace and Izzy are the only ones who can get close enough to him to witness him at his worst.</p>
<p>“I should get back to work,” he says, leaning over to place his half-eaten plate back on the tray. “Thank you for lunch.”</p>
<p>Maryse nods. “I’m going to tell Isabelle and Jace the news this afternoon,” she says. “After that, please put me to work. You need the help, and I could use the distraction.”</p>
<p>“Jens can give you reports to file if I’m not downstairs by then.”</p>
<p>Maryse stands up, picking up the tray. “You stay up here, I’ll ask him directly. Even I can tell you need the rest.”</p>
<p>Alec gives her a half smile. “I’ll see you later, Mom.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Alec comes to Magnus' loft.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This scene kind of got away from me! But I know you're waiting for it, so I hope you enjoy it :)</p><p>As always betaed by the amazing <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/JeanBoulet/pseuds/JeanBoulet">JeanBoulet</a>.</p><p>[light self-harm, grief/mourning]</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Alexander!” Magnus exclaims, using his magic to open the double doors of his apartment wide.</p><p>His hand still poised up to knock, Alec stares at the blue wisps of magic coming from Magnus’ hands with a slight blush. The Shadowhunter looks good today. He’s out of his uniform, wearing a crisp blue button-down and a jacket, and he looks less tired than he did on Monday. He lets his hand fall back down to the side of his wheelchair, grabbing the push rim.</p><p>“Come on in,” Magnus says, checking for what must be the fifteenth time that there’s nothing lying around the floor. He shouldn’t be this nervous about welcoming Alec into his apartment. He tells himself it’s because he hasn’t had someone using a wheelchair over before and he’s only ninety percent sure that the living room is accessible, but he’s just lying to himself.</p><p>The truth is that he’s as giddy with excitement as if this was a first date. What is wrong with him? This is a business meeting, with a man who is now completely out of his reach. Worse, a man Magnus has been tasked with finding a spouse for. And yet, he can’t stop the happiness bubbling in his chest when Alec smiles at him in greeting, or the nervousness making him flap his hands around as he precedes Alec into his living room.</p><p>He hesitates when faced with the couch area, cursing at himself. He didn’t think this through. Should he have pushed an armchair out of the way to make space for Alec? Or should he just offer to work at the table instead? He can still rearrange the whole room with a flick of his hand, but isn’t it impolite to do it now that Alec is here, show him how little thought Magnus has put into his coming?</p><p>“I—” he starts, gesturing at the coffee table. “I wasn’t sure where—” He’s making a fool of himself.</p><p>Alec frowns briefly, then his eyes widen in understanding. “Don’t worry,” he says. He turns his wheels backward to align his wheelchair with the couch and pushes himself up with a hand on the armrest, taking a step forward.</p><p>“Oh,” Magnus murmurs, and Alex turns his head toward him. Magnus blushes in embarrassment. He hadn’t even considered that Alec might be able to walk.</p><p>Alec tilts his head. “What?” he asks warily, like he’s expecting a negative reaction.</p><p>Magnus realizes he now has to look up to see Alec’s face properly. “I didn't realize you were so tall,” he says.</p><p>Alec opens his mouth in surprise, which turns into a smirk when Magnus steps up to him and has to tilt his head back even more. “That’s what you notice first, uh?”</p><p>Magnus can’t help being drawn into the flirting. “I’ve already had time to admire the rest,” he says.</p><p>Alec shakes his head with a snort and sits down on the couch. “I’m sorry for making you work this late,” he says. “Things have been hectic at the Institute.”</p><p>“I don’t keep mundane hours,” Magnus answers with a shrug, moving over to his mini-bar. It’s only eight p.m, before the start of most of his work days. “The Downworld tends to be more active at night. Besides, this means I can offer you drinks. What do you prefer?” He assesses Alec, trying to guess. “Martini?”</p><p>“Sure,” Alec says. “I don’t know much about drinks, so just give me whatever you’re having.”</p><p>Magnus serves them both martinis, even though that’s not actually his drink of choice. It’s better to keep it simple, if Alec isn’t too used to cocktails. He comes back to the couch and hands one of the glasses to Alec, who takes it with a thankful smile. Magnus can’t help melting at the sight of him, nearly relaxed on the couch, a full glass in hand.</p><p>Magnus plops down onto the armchair facing him and crosses his legs.</p><p>“So,” he starts. “I’ve been working on a list of names for potential matches I could introduce you to.”</p><p>Alec’s face falls a little, and Magnus feels the loss of the smile deeply. “Right,” Alec says. “That’s how we’re going to do it? I thought you’d just, um, pick someone.”</p><p>“Of course not!” Magnus exclaims, a little shocked. Is this how the Nephilim do things? It seems callous, even for them. “This isn’t an online dating app, we’re talking about someone you’re supposed to spend the rest of your life with. You should be able to see if you’re really compatible, and at least become friends before you tie the knot.”</p><p>Alec tilts his head, seeming a bit confused, but he nods. “I look forward to meeting these women, then,” he says politely.</p><p>Magnus frowns. Women? He hadn’t wanted to assume anything, but most of his mental list is made up of men, going off on Alec’s favorable response to his flirtations at first. Yet Alec doesn’t seem willing to even consider it.</p><p>“Women?” he checks to make sure.</p><p>Alec stares back uncomprehendingly. “Yes? The women you’re going to introduce me to? You just said—”</p><p>Magnus rewinds the conversation in his head, but he’s certain he didn’t specify any gender. Alec is obviously attracted to men, or at least to Magnus. Or maybe Magnus read this completely wrong. Maybe Alec is straight, after all, and just a natural flirt. Magnus doesn’t actually know much about him. Maybe he’s bisexual, and wants to conform to the Clave’s heteronormativity. Who is Magnus to interfere?</p><p>“Of course,” he breathes. “I’m mostly looking at werewolves, since they’re the only ones who would share your lifespan. Do you have any particular stipulations?”</p><p>Alec hesitates, turning his glass between his fingers, his eyes glued to the swirling liquid in it. “I, uh—” He gestures uselessly with his other hand, trying to find his words.</p><p>“You can tell me anything, Alexander,” Magnus says. “I’m here to help make this a smooth process. Whatever you need or want, I’ll do my best to provide. I know this isn’t easy.”</p><p>Alec closes his eyes for a moment, then takes a steadying breath. “I have a demanding job where I’m never really off the clock. I understand how this might be a problem. Do you think whoever marries me will ask me to step down?”</p><p>Magnus blinks in surprise. This isn’t the question he expected. “You’re doing important work at the Institute,” he says. “We can all see it, what you’re doing with the negotiations. You’re giving us the opportunity to finally be on equal footing with the Clave. The person we choose will understand that.”</p><p>Alec nods. He looks relieved, but there’s still a kind of fear in his posture that Magnus can’t seem to qualify. He gets it, though. Alec is plunging into the unknown, marrying someone he doesn’t know from another culture. It must be daunting. Hell, terrifying.</p><p>He bites his lip. “What about— My disability comes with obvious limitations, and, uh, other consequences. Will that be okay?”</p><p>Magnus winces internally in sympathy, hating that Alec even has to ask, but he understands the concern. He doesn’t know how the Clave treats its disabled employees — members? Magnus has always been confused by the Shadowhunters’ exact relation to their government — but he knows how the mundanes tend to behave toward disabled people. Downworlders aren’t necessarily any better, either.</p><p>“We’ll make sure that it is,” he says with conviction. “You wouldn’t treat a werewolf as less for not perfectly controlling their shifts, or a vampire for not going out in the sun, right?”</p><p>Alec smiles a little, nodding to concede his point. “I wouldn’t,” he says.</p><p>“I’m not saying that Downworlders aren’t ableist,” Magnus says. “We are, probably in ways that I don’t even realize. But I’m sure we can find you someone who will be happy to put in the work to let go of her prejudices.”</p><p>“Do you really have that many candidates?” Alec asks. “You speak as if there’s a wide variety of choices.”</p><p>“I have a few werewolf ladies in mind. And if none of them work out, we can go through the other species. This Charter is important to all of us, and I’m sure Downworlders will fight each other for a groom as good-looking as you.”</p><p>“Even one who won’t carry them over the threshold?” Alec checks, nervousness hidden behind his easy manners.</p><p>“That’s such a mundane custom,” Magnus rolls his eyes dramatically. “They’d be offended if you offered.”</p><p>Alec chuckles in relief and takes a sip of his drink. He grimaces adorably at the taste.</p><p>“Not your favorite?” Magnus asks.</p><p>“I have no idea. I haven’t really tried anything but champagne and beer before.”</p><p>“We’ll have to educate your palate, then,” Magnus smiles.</p><p>Alec frowns at his glass. “Is that a social skill I’m supposed to have to—” he gestures vaguely.</p><p>“Oh, no!” Magnus raises a hand to reassure him. “I didn’t mean that at all.”</p><p>“Then what did you mean?” Alec asks, twirling his glass in his hand again, almost like he’s doing it unconsciously. His free hand is lightly tapping a pattern on his thigh.</p><p>Magnus has a brief moment of panic trying to explain his thoughtless flirting in actual words. “I meant… It’s nice to share a drink, that’s all. The two of us.”</p><p>Alec blushes and sputters. “Um, yes, it’s nice,” he mutters when he’s recovered. “I’ve never, uh, really done that before with anyone.”</p><p>Magnus freezes in the middle of taking a sip. “Really?”</p><p>“I mean yes, but not like this,” Alec says, blushing more and more. “Not really.”</p><p>He shifts uncomfortably and Magnus feels the bottom of his stomach drop. “Are you telling me that you’ve never dated?” he asks very slowly.</p><p>Alec opens and closes his mouth a few times, like a fish caught out of water. “Um, no?” he settles on after a moment during which Magnus can’t make himself move. “I never really had time for that, and most people don’t want—” he gestures to his wheelchair.</p><p>“Fuck,” Magnus curses under his breath. “And the Clave is sending you to be married off.”</p><p>“I volunteered,” Alec corrects. “Why is it a problem?”</p><p>“You volunteered?” Magnus repeats, genuinely surprised.</p><p>“It was supposed to be Izzy,” Alec admits, his voice low. “But she should get to choose who she wants to marry.”</p><p>His sister. Of course. Magnus is just starting to get to know Alec, but his self-sacrificing streak isn’t hard to notice, and neither is his love for his family. “And you shouldn’t get what you want?”</p><p>“I want good relations with the Downworld,” Alec says a little too quickly. “That’s the most important thing.”</p><p>Magnus closes his eyes to steel himself. “What about love?” he asks, opening them again to assess Alec’s reaction.</p><p>Alec shrugs, his face blank. “I’ve known for a long time that I wasn’t going to marry for love,” he says. “Too many obstacles.” He doesn’t specify, leaving Magnus to fill in the blanks. “My parents tried to marry me off before, actually.”</p><p>“They did?”</p><p>Alec snorts. “I was engaged to Lydia for a time. It seems ludicrous now.”</p><p>“She seems to be a lovely young woman,” Magnus says, filing that information away.</p><p>“She’s a good friend, but we would have butted heads real fast. We both need to control everything. We would probably have killed each other.”</p><p>“You broke it off?”</p><p>“By mutual agreement, yes. Our parents weren’t happy, especially mine. They thought it was the best match I could get.”</p><p>Alec’s voice is light as he says that, almost artificially cheerful, but the pain behind it isn’t hard to find. Magnus scoffs. “Anyone who doesn’t want to marry you is a fool,” he says.</p><p><em>Smooth, Magnus</em>, he scolds himself as Alec’s eyebrows raise almost to his hairline. “Really?”</p><p>And Alec has managed to veer them off topic without Magnus noticing, too. Fuck. This conversation is going nothing like Magnus imagined.</p><p>“Yes,” he says firmly. “You’re something else. If it wasn’t such a sacrifice for you, I’d say whoever gets to marry you and the Downworld as a whole really lucked out in this arrangement. There aren’t many Shadowhunters as open-minded as you.”</p><p>Alec nods tightly. “I wish that weren’t true,” he says. “Valentine’s ideals didn’t appear out of thin air. There are too many still who half-agree with him.”</p><p>“There are plenty of Downworlders who think that Shadowhunters should be a thing of the past, and I can hardly blame them,” Magnus says.</p><p>Alec frowns, and for a moment Magnus wonders if that wasn’t too forward. As comfortable as he is talking with Alec, he can’t forget that Alec is a Nephilim first and foremost, and his open mind only extends so far. Is hearing about mutinous Downworlders more than he can let slide?</p><p>But then, in a few months, he’ll be married to one of them. He’s in for a shock, if he’s ignorant of all that goes on behind closed doors. Maybe Magnus should bring him to Pandemonium before they find him a match. Or to the Hunter’s Moon, at least.</p><p>“Would you—” Alec hesitates, nervously fiddling with his bracelet. “I spent a lot of time reading up on Downworld politics and customs, but I’m sure the resources we have are outdated at best, maybe even completely wrong. Would you help me learn more? I mean,” he rambles on, “I’m sure you don’t have much time but just, if you could point me to where I could—”</p><p>Magnus raises a hand to stop him. “You won’t find what you’re looking for in books,” he says.</p><p>Alec’s face falls. “I get it,” he says slowly, taking it as a rebuttal.</p><p>“No. If you want to know more about Downworlders, you need to get to know people.”</p><p>“I’m not...very good at that,” Alec mutters, looking down.</p><p>“That’s okay,” Magnus smiles. “I’m going to introduce you to potential matches anyway, so why not throw in a few of my friends as well. You already know Luke and Raphael, but you should get to know them outside of formal events as well. They’re good men.”</p><p>Alec nods, a little hesitantly. “So you’re willing to help?”</p><p>“You’re going to be the Head of the Institute. If you want to be a better one than your parents, you’ll need to know the New York Downworld like the back of your hand. It’s in my interest to help, too. Besides, I enjoy spending time with you.”</p><p><em>Smooth</em>, Magnus cringes again, until Alec’s face lights up with a genuine smile.</p><p>“Me too,” he says in a low tone. Then, louder, “I know I should have started meeting people much earlier.”</p><p>“Why didn’t you?”</p><p>Alec shrugs. “I took over the Institute when I was sixteen. It was a steep learning curve. There was always too much to do, and then my illness got worse...then Valentine came back. But I should have tried harder. Maybe the Soul Sword massacre wouldn’t have been as bad if we’d had better communication.”</p><p>Magnus almost sputters in shock. “You blame yourself for that?”</p><p>“It was in <em>my</em> Institute,” Alec says, anguish coloring his voice. “And I couldn’t do anything to stop it.”</p><p>“You weren’t even in charge, were you? I was told there was a change in leadership.”</p><p>Alec closes his eyes. “It doesn’t matter. It’s my home, Magnus. My people. One hundred and thirty-two people died that day, because I couldn’t stop Valentine from tricking all of us.”</p><p>Magnus stares at him with his mouth open. Alec blaming himself for this makes no sense. As far as Magnus knows, he’s the one who had the least to do with the massacre. His parabatai is the one who activated the Soul Sword, however unwillingly, and the temporary Head appointed by the Clave made the decisions.</p><p>He doesn’t miss how Alec doesn’t differentiate between the deaths of his own people and the Downworlders.</p><p>“And then I let a traitor into the Institute,” Alec continues dejectedly, before Magnus can recover from his shock. “I failed everyone. I failed Max, and Izzy and Jace, and everyone who died.”</p><p>He’s barely talking to Magnus anymore, staring at his hands. “What do you mean?” Magnus asks softly.</p><p>Slowly, painfully, Alec tells him about discovering his sister’s addiction to yin-fen in the middle of the Soul Sword massacre. About letting in a new Shadowhunter despite what his gut told him, because he was able to help Izzy where Alec couldn’t. About said Shadowhunter being Valentine’s demon son in disguise.</p><p>How his little brother Max, twelve years old and his first rune barely sunk into his skin, found out and paid the highest price for his eagerness.</p><p>He’s shaking by the end, desperately trying to hold back tears. The strength of Magnus’ rush of compassion surprises even him, and he hesitates only for a moment before he stands up and joins Alec on the couch. “Can I touch you?” he asks softly.</p><p>Alec freezes briefly, his hands tightened into fists, then nods. He shoves one fist into his mouth to smother a sob, biting on his fingers. Magnus deliberately places a hand on his back, telegraphing his moves. When Alec doesn’t react adversely, he scoots closer and hugs him tightly.</p><p>He feels more than he sees Alec’s body rocking back and forth, almost imperceptibly. His eyes stay dry, boring holes into the coffee table, but his pain is no less palpable as he fights to regain control of himself. Magnus stays silent, unsure what words could help. He’s no stranger to loss and grief, far from it, but the death of a child, of a brother.</p><p>After a while, Alec shudders and removes his fist from his mouth, barely letting Magnus glimpse at the deep teeth marks on his fingers before he hides it away. “I’m sorry,” he croaks out, like it physically hurts him to speak. “I didn’t mean to—”</p><p>“None of that,” Magnus says, keeping his tight hold on Alec. “It’s okay.”</p><p>Alec tries to squirm out, to stand up. “No, I should—”</p><p>“Alexander,” Magnus calls. He lets him go, because he doesn’t want to risk hurting him, but he keeps a hand on Alec’s shoulder. “Calm down. Breathe. I can show you to the bathroom if you want to compose yourself, but I won’t let you run out in this state.”</p><p>Alec resists for a moment longer, then nods in defeat. “Bathroom,” he mutters.</p><p>“Come on, then.” Magnus offers him a hand to stand up. Alec pushes himself up with a wince, and doesn’t let go as he takes hesitant, limping steps. Magnus takes him to his own ensuite, which is larger than the guest bathroom.</p><p>Alec doesn’t release his grip on Magnus’ arm until he can hold himself up with both hands over the sink. Magnus quickly summons a stool for him from the bedroom. “Take all the time you need,” he says once he’s reasonably sure that Alec won’t topple over the second he leaves.</p><p>He barely hears Alec’s murmured “thanks” as he gently closes the door behind him.</p><p>Back in the living room, Magnus finds himself at a loss. He gathers their empty glasses and makes them disappear, listening for any noise coming from the bathroom. Hearing nothing, he settles back into his armchair and tries to get his brain to slow down enough to think.</p><p>Alec’s pain, the depth of his repressed grief, touched something deep in him, something Magnus had buried away long ago. Once upon a time, he’d chosen to harden his own heart rather than feel again, feel that unbearable pain of loss and heartbreak. He’d closed himself off until nothing reached him. But Alec does. Since the first day, every word, every stifled movement from Alec has come closer to that part of Magnus.</p><p>He knows what this rush of compassion means, this knot in his throat. And it’s a fucking tragedy, because it means his heart has chosen the wrong person once again, and he’s in for another major heartbreak.</p><p>Fuck.</p><p>“I’m so sorry,” Alec’s quiet voice comes from the direction of his bedroom. Magnus looks up and finds him leaning against the door frame. He’s looking somewhere over Magnus’ shoulder, his eyes reddened but clear.</p><p>“Feeling better?” Magnus asks, forcing a smile.</p><p>“I didn’t mean to— I shouldn’t have— I’m sorry,” Alec repeats, fidgeting with his jacket’s zipper. “You shouldn’t have had to see this.”</p><p>Magnus shakes his head. “Grieving is hard. Sometimes you can’t keep it in. I understand, Alexander. It’s okay.”</p><p>“I should probably go,” Alec says, biting his lip.</p><p>Magnus forces down his instinctive impulse to keep Alec closer, to never let him go. “Of course. You must be exhausted. Will you get back to the Institute alright?”</p><p>Is it wishful thinking, or does Alec look a little disappointed at that? “I just need to text my driver,” he says, taking his phone out of his jacket pocket. He winces a little as he shifts his weight.</p><p>“At least come sit down until they get here,” Magnus offers.</p><p>Alec looks up and eyes the distance between him and the couch. “Thanks,” he says. He limps over carefully and lowers himself onto the couch, but he sits at the very edge, straight-backed, his earlier comfort evaporated. He doesn’t want to be there anymore.</p><p>“So, the Institute has drivers?” Magnus asks just to make some kind of conversation, after half a minute of them avoiding each other’s gaze.</p><p>“Only for me,” Alec shrugs. “Most Shadowhunters just run around the city, and use portals to go further, or one of the cars. I haven’t been able to run far in a while.”</p><p>“Makes sense,” Magnus nods. “I have to say, portals are awfully convenient.”</p><p>“Lydia says you invented them,” Alec says, leaning over a little in interest this time.</p><p>“Invented is a strong word,” Magnus gestures dismissively. “Her ancestor and I put together a few centuries of research and figured out how to make it work. Nothing huge.”</p><p>“You made the very first portal and it was ‘nothing huge’?” Alec snorts, and Magnus notes how grateful he must be for a change in conversation. “It must have been revolutionary.”</p><p>To his own surprise, Magnus feels himself blush. “It caught on,” he shrugs.</p><p>“Right,” Alec scoffs, but he’s finally smiling again. “Oh, I meant to ask you something.”</p><p>“Yes?”</p><p>“It has nothing to do with the marriage or the negotiations, but do you know any good demon specialists? We’ve got a strange case on our hands and we could use some help figuring it out.”</p><p>Magnus raises an eyebrow. “Nephilim don’t often call Downworlders for consults,” he says. He’s worked for Shadowhunters many times over the years, to build wards or make potions, but very rarely for this kind of job.</p><p>“First time for everything?” Alec offers.</p><p>“Then you’re looking at the second best demon specialist in the world.”</p><p>Alec raises a playful eyebrow. “Who’s the first?”</p><p>Magnus huffs dramatically. “I’m not good enough for you, uh? My friend Ragnor has the largest library. I have a more...hands-on knowledge.”</p><p>Alec’s phone vibrates. “My driver,” he says, standing up again. “I’ll take the hands-on knowledge.”</p><p>Magnus can’t tell for sure if the innuendo is on purpose, but Alec’s lopsided smile is nothing short of adorable. “I’ll walk you out,” he says as Alec sits down in his wheelchair. “Text me in the morning about your case, and we can make an appointment.”</p><p>“That’s great, thanks. And I want to apologize again. This isn’t how I wanted this evening to go.”</p><p>“Stop apologizing, Alexander,” Magnus says firmly. “It didn’t bother me at all.”</p><p>It’s a lie, but not for the reason Alec thinks. Magnus’ realization will haunt him for a while. As he watches Alec wheel himself out, he’s torn between wishing he’d never met him and wanting to go after him and never let him go.</p><p>Neither options are possible, so he makes himself a stiff drink.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Alec tries to distract his siblings while they wait for news from Idris. Magnus spends the day with Catarina and her young ward Madzie.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Alec is too good at taking care of others and not good enough at taking care of himself. Don't try this at home, kids.</p><p>Just a warning that there's some discussion of Max's death in the last part of the chapter, including a few details that weren't previously given.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>Alec plants his feet firmly, adjusting his stance for his weaker left hip, and glances at his parabatai. “Go,” he commands.</p><p>Jace is an immediate flurry of movement. Alec blocks his first blow with his baton, the second with his elbow, wincing when his arm collides with Jace’s wooden sword. It reverberates up to his shoulder, reminding him why he should take it easy despite the Protection rune.</p><p>He parries a third blow and goes on the offensive. He can better calibrate the strength of the moves he’s in control of. Jace matches his moves, defending himself without trying to take over again. Their sparring isn’t the fast-paced dance it once was, each trying to outdo the other, but it’s steady and symbiotic. They’ve grown into their bond.</p><p>Izzy joins the fray as soon as Alec raises a hand to signal her. Alec observes them for a while as he stands back and lets his breathing go back to normal.</p><p>“Alec, your turn,” Jace calls after five minutes of sparring with Izzy.</p><p>Alec steps back in and faces his sister this time. Where Jace goes at everything en force, Izzy is sneaky, light and fast. Her blows aren’t painful, but Alec has to match her speed, and it gives him a real workout.</p><p>Their routine is perfectly honed after years of training together. Jace and Izzy have adjusted seamlessly every time Alec was forced to reduce his range of exercises, and however much it frustrates him, they always find a way to make it work.</p><p>When Jace signals the end of the timer and Izzy breaks away, Alec glances up at the clock. Any minute now, their parents’ sentences should be publicly announced in Alicante. Jace and Izzy have been on edge since Maryse left for Idris early this morning, and Alec hasn’t fared much better, unable to focus on his work. That’s why he pulled them in for a training session, figuring that it would at least keep their bodies occupied, if not their minds.</p><p>“Let’s go again,” he says.</p><p>They go through two more rounds, trying to work out their tension. Alec knows he’ll come out of this aching, but working out is good for him, and he’s determined to keep himself in shape even if he rarely goes out in the field anymore.</p><p>“Let’s switch to hand-to-hand,” he orders once they’ve caught their breath. They have yet to say a word beyond the necessary commands. It’s good. It keeps them focused. Alec watches Jace and Izzy fight each other, making mental notes on their form and what they could still improve.</p><p>He runs his stele over his fading runes again before joining in. Hand-to-hand is hard on his joints, and no amount of angelic magic or compression wear can protect him completely. But he refuses to stop. He’s a Shadowhunter. He’s the Acting Head of the Institute. He needs to be able to defend himself.</p><p>Jace is more careful with him than with Izzy, Alec knows it, and yet he still struggles to keep up. They end up on the floor, with Jace on top of Alec, wincing at the same time as him — sparring is the only time Alec consents to release his control on their bond. Jace feels what he feels, so he knows to stop immediately when Alec’s shoulder gives out, before either of them can even cry out.</p><p>“Alec, you okay?” Izzy kneels beside them as Jace carefully untangles himself from Alec.</p><p>“Fine,” Alec grunts, holding his arm against his side. He doesn’t try to get back up. The pain radiating down his arm is familiar and he knows better.</p><p>“No you’re not,” Jace grumbles.</p><p>Alec does his best to clamp on their bond, even though it’s never that effective when he’s already in pain. Jace glares at him, feeling the attempt. He doesn’t feel the pain the same way Alec does, because the parabatai bond, meant to make them battle brothers, wouldn’t be very effective if any injury could bring them both down. Alec researched it for a long time, before he agreed to become Jace’s parabatai. It was back before his illness got bad enough that it couldn’t be ignored, but he’s known pain his whole life — he wasn’t going to make his brother suffer.</p><p>“Help me?” he offers as an apology.</p><p>Jace nods and kneels by his side. He gently takes Alec’s injured arm in his hands and pulls on it, gradually angling it outward as Alec grits his teeth. His shoulder joint, partway out of its socket, finally pops back in place and he bites back a grunt. Jace shudders.</p><p>“Ugh, that always feels weird,” he says lightly, but the frown on his face is all but light. He hates this, just as much as Alec does. He hates that it happens more and more often and there’s nothing any of them can do about it.</p><p>“Thanks,” Alec mutters, flexing his fingers, then his wrist. Part of his hand is numb, which means the subluxation pinched a nerve. “Can you iratze me?”</p><p>Izzy hands them a stele and Jace obeys, hitching up Alec’s shirt to get at the rune. He touches Alec’s wrist questioningly, and activates the Painfree rune as well when Alec nods. Some of the throbbing eases, and Alec sighs.</p><p>“No more training for you today,” Izzy says, the worry obvious on her face.</p><p>Alec rolls his eyes. “I know that, Iz. You two can keep going, though. I’ll watch.”</p><p>He stands up carefully with Jace’s help, keeping his arm cradled against his side. “Can one of you get me some ice?” he asks. He needs to keep the swelling down if he wants to be able to wheel himself tomorrow.</p><p>There’s a couch against the wall of the training room, which Alec had installed precisely for this kind of situation. He heads there, leaning against Jace while Izzy goes to get an ice pack from the kitchens.</p><p>“So,” Jace says, sitting down beside him on the couch to wait for Izzy. “Are you gonna tell me what happened last night?”</p><p>Alec scowls, but he doesn’t miss Jace’s glances at the wall clock. He’s trying to distract himself, too. They all are. Maryse refused to let them come to the verdict, but it’s all they can think about.</p><p>It’s been a strange week, Alec reflects. His mother being there — being nice — threw him off his game, even if she kept her promise and made herself useful. The news of her impending deruning shook Izzy and Jace as much as it did Alec, and they spent almost every night in his bed, needing comfort.</p><p>And then there was Magnus. Alec flushes in embarrassment at his breakdown last night at Magnus’ loft. He made such a fool of himself. Magnus is someone he works with, someone who has been tasked with finding him a wife, not a confidant. Certainly not a shoulder to cry on.</p><p>And yet Magnus held him as he broke down. He was nothing but compassionate and understanding, when he had every right to be annoyed. And in his arms, Alec shed his first real tears since Max’s Rite of Mourning.</p><p>How is it that Magnus’ loft, a place he’d never been to before, is where he felt safe enough to finally cry for his brother? He held Izzy countless times as she cried herself to sleep. He was there for Jace when he finally broke down and let out every emotion he’d bottled up. He sat with Clary when she fought through the shock of killing her own father. And through all that, he never once allowed himself to let go.</p><p>Magnus didn’t deserve to see that.</p><p>Alec almost yelps as an ice pack is dropped in his lap. “Earth to Alec,” Izzy says, standing in front of him. He hasn’t heard her come back, which says a lot about how tired he is.</p><p>“Sorry.” He picks up the ice pack to press it to his aching shoulder. The cold is both soothing and overwhelming, and he shudders. He forces himself to hold the pack in place until the uncomfortable sensation eases away despite his crawling skin.</p><p>“What happened last night?” Jace repeats. “I felt that something was wrong.”</p><p>“No, it was...it was good, actually,” Alec says. “I had a good time.” He did, at least until he ridiculed himself. He wonders if the alcohol was what helped loosen him up, or if it was all Magnus.</p><p>“You had a good time organizing your wedding?” Izzy raises her eyebrows in doubt.</p><p>“No,” Alec grumbles, feeling his cheeks heat up. Damn it. “We just...talked. Magnus is nice.”</p><p>“Oh, he’s nice, uh?”</p><p>“I mean, he’s taking his job seriously,” Alec scrambles to correct himself. “He’s actually trying to find me a good match, so that’s good.”</p><p>“Come on,” Izzy teases. “You like him.”</p><p>Alec looks down at his lap. Not in embarrassment — just months ago, he would have been endlessly flustered by his siblings teasing him about his love life, but that ship has sailed with the looming wedding — but because the weight that’s been compressing his chest makes it hard to breathe, suddenly.</p><p>He does like Magnus. Maybe just as a friend, maybe — he’s definitely attracted to him, more than he’s ever been attracted to anyone, but no one acts on every little crush they have, right? But he likes Magnus and he feels stuck. Even with how little they know each other, Magnus makes him want things that he can’t have. Things he definitively renounced when he offered himself for this marriage in Izzy’s place.</p><p>All those options he’s always thought were closed to him — until Lydia helped him sort them out — gave him hope that maybe he didn’t have to sacrifice his happiness for his family. And now he’s back at square one.</p><p>Stuck.</p><p>“It’s not like it can go anywhere, can it,” he snaps, with more venom in his tone than he meant to put there. “In a few months, I’ll be marrying some Downworlder woman. I’m not going to have a fling with Magnus while he’s picking her for me.”</p><p>“Alec,” Izzy sighs, plopping down on his other side. She takes the ice pack from his hand, shifting it so it stays on without needing to be held up. Alec flexes his elbow, annoyed at the strain that just holding his arm up for five minutes puts on his joints. His injured shoulder is still throbbing, though the cold is helping with the pain a little.</p><p>“Forget it,” Alec mutters. He didn’t mean to snap at her. He really hasn’t been at his best lately, and maybe last night’s breakdown unsettled him more than he thought. It was a long time coming, that’s for sure.</p><p>“I’m worried about you,” Izzy says.</p><p>“We’re worried about you,” Jace corrects. “About Maryse, too. About all of us. I feel like everything is falling apart.”</p><p>Alec shifts, careful not to make the ice pack fall off his shoulder, and slips his good arm over Jace’s shoulders. “I know,” he murmurs. “But we’re gonna be okay.”</p><p>“Mom and Dad are getting a divorce, Mom’s gonna be—” Izzy gestures vaguely. “You’re getting married, and…” The rest of her words stay caught up in her throat, but they all hear them anyway. <em>I miss Max.</em></p><p>“It’s a lot of change, but it’s not all bad,” Alec says, struggling to make it sound like he believes it. “I'm going apartment hunting with Mom next week, she’ll be living close to here. She’ll be around more than she’s been in ages. And I’m not going away. I don’t know if I’ll move out of the Institute, but I’m not going to abandon you. We’ll be alright.”</p><p>Maybe if he repeats it enough, he can convince himself that it’s the truth.</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>“Uncle Magnus!”</p><p>Madzie’s voice is quiet, quieter than most children her age would be, but she jumps into Magnus’ arms as soon as she walks into the loft. Magnus picks her up with a grunt, feeling a large smile grow on his face.</p><p>“Hello, sweetpea,” he says. It’s nice to see her so enthusiastic. In the three months since Catarina took her in, she’s opened up a lot, but she remains shy and solemn for her age. “Cat. It’s nice to see you both.”</p><p>Catarina smiles at him, following her ward inside at a more sensible pace. She looks tired, even more than usual — taking care of a five-year-old on top of her twelve-hour shifts at the hospital is taking its toll, which is why Magnus regularly offers to babysit. It’s been more difficult in the last few weeks, as he’s been swamped with work organizing the Charter negotiations with the various Downworld factions, but he finally has a whole day free and he intends to spent it catching up with his old friend and then watching Madzie overnight to let Cat get an evening to herself.</p><p>“I have a backpack, look!” Madzie squiggles out of his arm to show off her backpack. “It’s Dora the Explorer!”</p><p>“It looks great, sweetpea.” Magnus peers at the cartoon illustration of a little girl on the face of the bag, raising an eyebrow at Catarina.</p><p>“Mundane cartoon,” Catarina shrugs. “She likes it.”</p><p>“Obviously,” Magnus mutters.</p><p>He feels like he barely has time to turn around before Madzie has the content of her backpack — coloring books and crayons — emptied on the coffee table and she’s sitting on the floor ruffling through the pages of one of the books. Catarina just smiles tiredly and spreads out on the couch, so Magnus busies himself with making them both coffee.</p><p>Once they’re settled in the living room, their small talk soon turns to the ongoing negotiations. It’s the talk of the month in every part of the New York Downworld. Even those who don’t believe they can get something out of it are curious of where it will lead. The Charter hasn’t been modified in any significant way since the last Accords, and that the Clave even agreed to rewrite it is huge.</p><p>It’s the least they could do, in Magnus’ opinion, after the massacre. But when it comes to the Clave’s integrity and fairness, the bar is very low.</p><p>“They announced their prospect for the marriage last Monday,” he updates Catarina on the latest news.</p><p>“So, who are they presenting?”</p><p>“The eldest son of the Lightwoods, Alexander,” Magnus answers.</p><p>Catarina’s eyebrows raise all the way to her hairline. “Alec Lightwood? I would never have thought.”</p><p>“He’s the Acting Head of the Institute,” Magnus starts before he realizes what she said. “Wait, you know him?”</p><p>“He’s the Shadowhunter who got Madzie to safety,” Catarina answers.</p><p>Madzie looks up at her name, proving that she’s been listening to the conversation. “You know Mr. Alec, Uncle Magnus?” she asks.</p><p>“He saved her from the Sword?” Magnus whispers to Catarina.</p><p>“And he contacted the Council,” Catarina confirms. “Madzie loves him. He still comes over to check on her.”</p><p>Magnus blinks, feeling whiplash. He had no idea his friend even had contact with Shadowhunters, let alone with Alec specifically. Or that Alec had done something so selfless for a Downworlder, while his own people were in danger.</p><p>Madzie taps her foot in impatience, Magnus taking too much time to answer her question in her opinion.</p><p>“Yes, sweetpea, I’ve met Alexander,” he says.</p><p>“He gave me crayons,” Madzie holds up the blue crayon she’s gripping in her little hand. “And he lets me ride on his lap!”</p><p>Magnus looks up at Catarina for confirmation, who nods. This is probably the most he’s heard Madzie say in one go since Catarina took her in, and it’s all about Alec. The little girl has been having a hard time adjusting to her new life, after losing the only parental figure she ever knew and being kidnapped and used by Valentine. Iris Rouse, the warlock who raised Madzie after using mundanes to breed warlock children, is no great loss, but she was nonetheless Madzie’s “Nana”. Catarina is only just starting to get Madzie to open up to her, and yet Alec seems to have succeeded in gaining the little girl’s trust. A child <em>warlock</em>.</p><p>Alec is nowhere near as removed from the Downworld as Magnus had previously thought from their conversation the day before.</p><p>“What do you think of him?” Magnus asks Catarina, as Madzie goes back to drawing, tongue sticking out of her mouth in concentration.</p><p>“He’s kind to Madzie and very polite toward me, which is more than I can say for many Shadowhunters,” Catarina answers. “Other than that, he seems reserved. He doesn’t talk much.”</p><p>Magnus checks that Madzie is still engrossed in her drawing and throws up a light bubble of silence around her, to muffle their voices. “Did you know he lost his brother a couple months ago?”</p><p>Catarina nods sadly. “I was there. The boy didn’t die instantly, but there was extensive brain damage. Alec called me, but there was nothing I could do. Neither could the Silent Brothers.”</p><p>Magnus closes his eyes, wincing in sympathy. “It must have been—” he trails off.</p><p>“The death of a child is always awful,” Catarina sighs. “But why are you so curious?”</p><p>“I’m supposed to find him a match,” Magnus shrugs. “It’s not an easy task. I’m just trying to get a proper feel of who he is.”</p><p>“I doubt I can be of much help,” Catarina says, crossing her legs. “I don’t know him well. But it does strike me as strange that the Clave would choose him. They’re not known for their...openness. I was already impressed that he got as far as he has.”</p><p>“Because of his disability?” Magnus asks. Catarina makes a vague gesture of confirmation. “I’m sure he’s had to fight for his position, but he’s from a prominent family. He does have an excellent knowledge of the Downworld and a surprisingly progressive mindset, though. And he’s easy on the eyes, which doesn’t hurt.”</p><p>“At least you don’t have to deal with a bigot, then.”</p><p>“Actually, it’s proven hard to find someone identically open-minded on our side,” Magnus admits. His list keeps shortening as he strikes out more and more women who would clearly make a terrible match. “I’m down to just two werewolves, and I’m starting to look at Seelies and warlocks. Vampires are a lost cause according to Raphael, except for maybe Lily if we can convince her. You wouldn’t consider marrying a Shadowhunter, would you?”</p><p>Catarina laughs. “I think I’ve had enough major changes in my life for a while,” she says, nodding toward Madzie. “Besides, you know I stay away from Shadow World politics.”</p><p>Magnus pretends to pout. “Fair enough,” he says. “It sure would have made my job easier.”</p><p>“What about you?” Catarina asks.</p><p>“What about me?”</p><p>“You seem to like him well enough. I know you’ve sworn off romance since Camille, but this is purely political, right?”</p><p>Magnus blinks in shock. The option hasn’t even crossed his mind, not even before he spoke to Alec about potential matches. Magnus has never been married, and he doesn’t want to be. Especially not to fulfill some shady requirement made by the Seelie Queen. If he ever gets married, he wants it to be because he’s fallen in love with someone who wants him that way — which will never happen, since he’s not going to fall in love ever again.</p><p>Is he?</p><p>Fuck. He’s managed to put his realization from yesterday in a corner of his mind and forget about it until now, but it hits him, just as hard as the first time.</p><p>“He wants a woman,” he says, trying to pretend his entire world hasn’t just shifted sideways.</p><p>“Oh. I guess I read him wrong, then,” Catarina shrugs. “Well, then, I guess you’re stuck with Lily.”</p><p>Against his will, Magnus’ lips curl in disgust at the thought of Alec in the arms of Lily Chen. He’s fucked. He’s well and thoroughly fucked.</p><p>“How are the rest of the negotiations going?” Catarina asks, and Magnus clutches at the change of subject like a lifeline.</p><p>“Much better than I expected,” he answers. “We’ll have to fight tooth and nail to get even a tenth of what we’re asking, but we knew that. Still, they’re actually making some progressive offers. And I’m fairly sure it’s all thanks to Alexander.”</p><p>“Isn’t Maryse Lightwood leading the negotiations?”</p><p>“In name, but it’s quite clear that Alec’s doing all the work in the background. He has an impressive instinct for strategy, and he’s a better diplomat than either of his parents.”</p><p>“You do actually like him,” Catarina notices, amused.</p><p>Magnus sighs. “Yeah. Yeah, I do.”</p><p>Catarina’s eyes widen as she realizes that he’s serious. “Oh,” she mutters. “My friend, what have you gotten yourself into?”</p><p>“I wish I knew,” Magnus says.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>In which matchmaking takes an interesting turn when Magnus realizes something. Featuring one badass werewolf lady.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>As always (I think I forgot to say it in the previous chapter) betaed by the amazing <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/JeanBoulet/pseuds/JeanBoulet">JeanBoulet</a>.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>The Hunter’s Moon is reasonably quiet early on a Saturday afternoon, soon after opening. Magnus chose this time on purpose. Alec still frowns in surprise as Magnus opens the door — right, maybe Magnus should have warned him. He doubts Alec has ever stepped foot in a Downworlder bar before.</p><p>Well, no time like the present.</p><p>“Maia!” Magnus calls over the noise of conversations, keeping the door open with magic to let Alec wheel in.</p><p>Maia looks up from behind the counter and lights up when she sees Magnus. He tilts his chin down toward Alec, as discreetly as he can, but they’re already attracting a few stares. It’s not every day a Shadowhunter comes to the Hunter’s Moon, and these people have probably never heard of a <em>disabled</em> Shadowhunter. Which is ironic, Magnus thinks, given that Alec is the Head of the Institute and thus the most important Shadowhunter in the city.</p><p><em>Acting Head</em>, he corrects in his mind, since Alec is so intent on this. He’ll only become the full Head when he’s engaged. Which is why they’re here.</p><p>Maia nods in understanding and comes out into the room, gracefully navigating between the tables. “Through here,” she indicates the left side of the window wall, where the tables are significantly lower than in the rest of the room, and the space between them large enough for Alec to maneuver. Magnus and Alec follow her to the only free table, which has a large metal Reserved sign on it. Maia scoops it up and drags a chair away for Alec. “We have a few accessible tables that anyone can sit at but we always keep this one reserved.”</p><p>“Thank you, Maia,” Magnus smiles at her sweetly. Alec echoes the sentiment with a grateful nod as he wheels up to the table.</p><p>“You rarely bring someone here,” Maia quips at Magnus, grabbing a couple of drink menus from a wall stand behind them. “I’ll be back in a minute to take your orders, you don’t need to come up to the bar.”</p><p>“I was hoping you could take a break with us at some point,” Magnus says. “Alec is the...Nephilim prospect.”</p><p>Maia’s eyes widen, and she gives Alec a once over. To his credit, Alec holds her gaze steadily.</p><p>“Give me ten minutes,” she says. “Then I’ll be off the clock until the evening.”</p><p>“Of course,” Magnus nods. He sits down across from Alec, watching him looks around with wide eyes. There’s an awkwardness between them — well, mostly on Alec’s side — since their evening at the loft the other day, and Magnus is eager to dissipate it, but he doesn’t really know how to go about it.</p><p>“Is this place only for Downworlders?” Alec asks.</p><p>“It’s not invisible to Mundanes, but there’s a slight misdirection ward that makes it hard for them to find it unless they’ve been invited,” Magnus explains. “Anyone in the Shadow World is technically welcome.”</p><p>“But Shadowhunters never come here,” Alec finishes. “I can guess why. There are some mixed spaces, though, right? I know Izzy and Jace like this club.”</p><p>“You mean Pandemonium?”</p><p>“You know it?”</p><p>Magnus snorts, amused. “I own it.”</p><p>“Oh.” Alec smiles a little, but there’s something else in his eyes, like he’s reevaluating what he knows of Magnus. Something a little sad. “I don’t really do clubbing.”</p><p>“Pandemonium is a bit of an exception,” Magnus says, trying to ignore the feeling that he’s somehow disappointed Alec. “Most of the clubbers are Mundanes, and it actually makes it safer, because however much they dislike each other, no one in the Shadow World wants to make a scene in front of Mundanes. It would be a direct violation of the Accords, for one thing.”</p><p>“And even the Shadowhunters who hate Downworlders know it’s their job to protect the Mundanes,” Alec completes. “That makes sense, actually.”</p><p>“That, plus everyone who comes in knows the owner really shouldn’t be crossed,” Magnus smirks. “So people who don’t like mingling just stop coming.”</p><p>They keep chatting lightly about mixed spaces in the city, and the awkwardness between them only increases. Maia comes back to take their orders — an Appletini for Magnus, and a beer for Alec that Magnus is fairly sure he picked at random on the menu — and she keeps stealing glances at Alec when she thinks he’s not looking.</p><p>Alec doesn’t. He doesn’t glance at her even once beyond looking in her general direction to place his order. He’s perfectly polite, but he definitely doesn’t check her out.</p><p>Maybe there will be a spark when they start talking, Magnus hopes.</p><p>After the promised ten minutes, Maia pulls up a chair at their table, a beer in hand for herself. Alec has been sipping his own beer with his face completely straight, which probably means he hates it. He’s also far more skittish than the other day in Magnus’ loft, and Magnus is starting to rethink his choice to come here rather than invite Maia over.</p><p>“Let’s introduce you properly,” he says with more cheerfulness than is really needed. “Alexander, Maia Roberts. She’s a werewolf and Luke’s second-in-command. This is Alexander Lightwood, Acting Head of the New York Institute.”</p><p>“Alec,” Alec offers his hand over the table.</p><p>Maia shakes it with a firm nod. “Maia. As you can see, I’m also a bartender,” she adds with a defiant gaze. “Pack management doesn’t pay the bills.”</p><p>Alec just nods. “Nice to meet you.”</p><p>There’s an awkward lull. Alec tenses as loud laughter erupts from a nearby table, while Maia barely spares them a glance. Magnus grapples for inspiration on how to help them start a conversation. “How about you both tell us more about your personal life?” he offers a little lamely.</p><p>Maia starts by throwing him a look, as Alec seems to struggle to find his words. “Look, this situation is super awkward,” she says. “We’re supposed to figure out if we’d be able to stand each other for the rest of our lives, and if we decide that we couldn’t, you’ll move on to someone else. It’s weird and it’s kinda terrible and we all know it. So let’s try to make it as painless as possible.”</p><p>Alec’s eyes widen in surprise, before he relaxes a bit. “Thanks,” he says. “It is weird and uncomfortable. I have honestly no idea what I’m doing.”</p><p>“If it helps, neither do I,” Magnus pipes up. “The last time I did this, the social conventions were very different. Granted, it was more than two centuries ago.”</p><p>“Not helping,” Maia rolls her eyes. “Okay, I’ll start. I work here mostly in the evenings. I take marine biology classes at the local community college, I’m hoping to go back to school at some point and get a degree. I’ve been estranged from my parents since I was bitten, so the only family you’d be marrying into is the Pack. They’ll probably hate you, but they hate every outsider, and I can deal with them.”</p><p>“That’s quite the summary,” Alec blinks, then he laughs. “Okay, let’s see if I can match that. I’m the Acting Head of the Institute, I’ll be named Head very soon. I often work nights and most afternoons. Um, I have a brother and a sister who both work with me, and my parents are...divorced.” He pauses, a sour look on his face. “Things are a little complicated for my family at the moment, but I won’t bore you with the details. I live at the Institute now, and as you’ve seen, I would need to live somewhere accessible.”</p><p>Maia bites her lip. “Can I ask?”</p><p>“It wasn’t an accident, I didn’t always use a wheelchair and I can actually walk a little,” Alec answers, a little too fast as if this speech is well-rehearsed, but he softens it with a smile. “I have a chronic condition that mostly affects my joints. It makes it hard to walk or stand for very long.”</p><p>It’s no more information than Magnus has already gathered through observation, but he files it away all the same.</p><p>“But you’re a Shadowhunter?” Maia asks, sounding doubtful.</p><p>“I have the training, but I don’t go out into the field very often. My work is mostly administrative and political, now.”</p><p>“I see,” Maia says. “So, how do you see the future of the New York Shadow World, Alec?” she asks in a slightly sarcastic tone, tilting her head until Alec snorts.</p><p>“I have a few ideas,” he replies perfectly seriously, the only clue that he’s amused by the situation in the glint in his eyes. They have a similar dry, caustic sense of humor. Maia smirks.</p><p>Magnus keeps observing their interactions as Alec explains his Downworld Cabinet idea, and his hopes for the Charter signature. Maia latches onto every loophole, every ambiguous turn of phrase, with her usual mordancy. Magnus is almost worried for Alec, but he matches her pace for pace, never even hesitating past the first minute or so.</p><p>After a while, Magnus excuses himself to go to the bathroom and deliberately spends far more time there than he actually needs, hoping to give them a chance to get to know each other away from prying ears.</p><p>They seem like a good match, he thinks, staring at his own reflection in the bathroom mirror. They’re as similar as they are different, from what Magnus knows of them individually. They would keep each other on their toes politically, but be able to soften and be friends in private — more than friends, hopefully. Magnus stomps on the hitch his heart makes at that thought.</p><p>Yes, Maia is a good option. Magnus’ list of potential matches is short, far shorter than the one he started out with, and he honestly doubts that either of the young Seelies or Raphael’s second Lily Chen will click with Alec. Maia’s friend and packmate Greta is the only other one still on the list, scheduled to meet with them down at the Jade Wolf tomorrow. Magnus barely knows her, but she’s older, calmer. Not politically-oriented.</p><p>None of them actually want to get married, Magnus knows. Especially not to a Shadowhunter. But they will do their duty for the good of the Downworld, and it’s Magnus’ task to make sure that they don’t end up miserable. He’s been gifted with a good prospect on the Nephilim’s side, a far better person than Magnus hoped for, and now he finds himself wanting to protect Alexander from a loveless life — this is not at all what it was supposed to be.</p><p>Maybe it’s all a ploy by the Seelie Queen. To sow dissent among them, so that the Charter negotiations can never succeed. She only agreed to send someone to sit at the table reluctantly, adding in so many stipulations that Magnus thought they’d never be able to meet them all. But she couldn’t have predicted <em>Alec</em>, could she?</p><p>“I need to get back to the Institute,” Alec apologizes when Magnus comes out of the bathroom. “My patrols will be going out soon and I need to be there.”</p><p>Magnus checks the time with a wave of his hand and realizes that they’ve been here for three hours. Maia is in her element in the noisy bar, but Alec looks tired and stiff, and Magnus curses himself for making him sit still for so long. “We won’t keep you,” he says, dropping back onto his chair. “Thank you for coming.”</p><p>“No, thank you, Magnus. You’re giving a lot of your time to solve this...issue. Maia, it was very nice to meet you.”</p><p>“Likewise,” Maia says with a warm smile. “You’re not what I expected.”</p><p>Alec chuckles. “Neither are you, if I’m honest. Whether we...go further with this or not, I learned a lot today, so thank you for that. Magnus, could I trouble you with a portal or do I need to call my driver?”</p><p>Magnus raises his eyebrows, surprised by the question. He picked Alec up at the Institute today and portaled them here, since Alec didn’t know the Hunter’s Moon, but he didn’t expect Alec to actually ask for a portal for himself since he refused the other day. His independence is clearly important to him, and this is a level of trust that he hasn’t shown yet.</p><p>“I’ll make you a portal, Alexander,” he smiles. “I’ll be right back,” he adds to Maia.</p><p>He lets Alec lead them outside and opens a portal for him, hidden under a glamour to keep them invisible to the mundanes in the street. He’s careful to lower it all the way to the ground for Alec.</p><p>“We’ll have time to talk about it tomorrow, but what do you think?” he asks quickly before Alec wheels himself through. “About Maia? Do you like her?”</p><p>Alec hesitates for a moment. “Sure,” he says. “She seems nice. I enjoyed our talk.” He doesn’t seem to be lying for Magnus’ benefit, but there’s no real enthusiasm behind his words.</p><p>“Could you see yourself marrying her?” Magnus frowns.</p><p>Alec shrugs. “I guess. This isn’t enough time to really get to know her, but if you think she’s a good match for me, I trust you.”</p><p>“That’s not exactly a shining endorsement,” Magnus says. He’s touched by Alec’s trust, but it’s really not what he was going for.</p><p>“I knew Lydia for a day and a half when we got engaged,” Alec says, like it somehow makes it better.</p><p>“This time once we present someone, you won’t be able to call it off. This is about your life, Alexander.”</p><p>Alec shakes his head. “I won’t need to call it off. Don’t make this more complicated than it needs to be, Magnus. If you choose Maia, I’ll be okay with it. Glad, even. She’s clearly a good person.”</p><p>Magnus looks away and nods reluctantly. “Fine. We’ll meet Greta tomorrow, and then we can talk about it some more.”</p><p>“I’ll see you then,” Alec nods, pushing himself through the portal.</p><p>Magnus tries to ignore the pang in his chest as he watches Alec disappear. He tells himself that his doubts are all about wanting to see Alec happy, and not about seeing Alec happy <em>with someone else</em>. Because if they stem from the latter, then Magnus needs to hand this job over to Raphael or Luke and stay away from Alec.</p><p>He really, really doesn’t want to stay away from Alec.</p><p>He sighs and makes his way back inside. The evening has started, and the bar is now packed and lively. Maia is back behind the counter, so Magnus doesn’t bother going back to their table and takes a bar stool instead. “Give me another Appletini?” he asks her, putting enough money on the counter to cover their whole tab and some.</p><p>“Alec already paid for everything,” Maia says, setting a glass down in front of him.</p><p>Magnus closes his eyes in dismay. Of course he did. “Then consider it your tip,” he says.</p><p>“Are you trying to bribe me into marrying him?” Maia jokes.</p><p>“Should I? What did you think of him?”</p><p>Maia shrugs. “Doesn’t seem very Shadowhunter-y. He’s a bit uptight, but not an asshole. I’m pretty sure we could bring him over to the dark side.”</p><p>“You think you could...love him?” Magnus asks, firmly ignoring his screaming instinct.</p><p>Maia pauses. She assesses him with a look, then turns away, busying herself with putting away a row of clean glasses. Magnus stares at her back as she prepares a cocktail, her movements deliberately slow. Finally, she sets the glass on the counter in front of a patron and turns back to Magnus.</p><p>“Look,” she says. “If you ask me to marry him, I will. It’s a political marriage, and I’m pretty sure he and I would make a good team. But if you’re asking if we’re going to fall in love… I’ve seen the way he looks at me, and the way he looks at you. I’m not sure he’s capable of loving me that way.”</p><p>She drives her point home with a hard look at Magnus, and turns away again to take another order. Magnus is left staring after her, in shock.</p><p>“Are you saying you think he’s gay?”</p><p>Maia shrugs. “I don’t know. I’m just telling you what I saw, and he was making heart eyes at you the whole time. He did his best to show interest in me, but if he’s attracted to someone, it’s definitely not me.”</p><p>Magnus gapes at her. Puzzle pieces shift in his mind until they finally form a complete picture, one of Alec that he didn’t dare believe in. He refused to see it, in hindsight. He had all the clues at his disposal.</p><p>Alec, who traded his own future for his sister’s. Alec, who is willing to do just about anything for his family. Alec, who comes from a deeply homophobic culture, and yet responded to Magnus’ flirting almost instinctively.</p><p>Alec, who probably thinks his family or the Clave won’t accept him marrying a man. It would be an acceptable match as far as the Downworld is concerned — not to say that Downworlders lack homophobia, but if they’re willing to accept a marriage with a Shadowhunter, the gender of the spouses takes second place.</p><p>“I can’t believe I didn’t see it,” Magnus mutters into his glass. Maia shoots him a compassionate glance.</p><p>He’ll have to speak to Alec, convince him that he can at least marry someone he might fall in love with someday. His family won’t be able to do anything about it, and the Clave will have little choice but to accept it if the Downworlders present a male prospect.</p><p>“You like him too, don’t you?” Maia asks suddenly.</p><p>Magnus starts and looks up at her. “What?”</p><p>“I’ve never seen you this awkward around anyone, Magnus Bane,” Maia says. “And now you’re staring at the bottom of your glass like a forlorn lover. Trust me, I know what that looks like.”</p><p>Magnus glares at her and groans something unintelligible, taking a large gulp of his drink. It burns all the way down, but it doesn’t help the vice grip that an invisible hand has on his chest.</p><p>He doesn’t just <em>like</em> Alec. He’s already in love with him.</p><p>And now that the option he’s so scared of has opened like an abyss at his feet, he needs to figure out what he’s going to do about it.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Is it possible that we're finally getting somewhere?</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter 8</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Alec gets overwhelmed. He and Magnus have a talk.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>As always, huge thanks to my amazing beta <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/JeanBoulet/pseuds/JeanBoulet">JeanBoulet</a>.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The meeting with Gretel is something of a disaster. Not because the werewolf is a terrible person, she seems nice enough, but because everything that could have gone wrong goes wrong from the very start.</p>
<p>Alec wakes up in pain and in a bad mood, having spent half the night tossing and turning. Meeting Maia seems to have opened the floodgates of his mind and made this whole situation real, and it took him hours to settle his racing thoughts, trying to imagine his future married to a virtual stranger. Maia seems like a person Alec could become good friends with, at least, but the dread in his stomach overwhelms his rational mind.</p>
<p>Then he spends the entire morning dealing with another mundane disappearance, linked to sightings of the demon they’ve started to call the Owl because of its nightmarish appearance. It takes him so much time to coordinate the crime scene clean up and investigation that he has to forgo lunch. By the time he meets with Magnus, his stomach is growling and he’s in an even worse mood.</p>
<p>Magnus portals them to the front of a dingy Chinese restaurant. The parking lot has a boathouse, and it smells strongly of algae and garbage. Alec immediately chokes, coughing a few times.</p>
<p>“Are you alright, Alexander?” Magnus asks, furrowing his brow in concern.</p>
<p>Alec just nods, trying to avoid breathing through his nose. Magnus is clearly not bothered by the smell – this is just another one of these <em>things</em>. Jace and Izzy call him too sensitive, and Alec hates it. Instead of answering, he gestures at Magnus to take the lead toward the restaurant and follows him, making sure not to wheel into any of the dubious puddles on the ground.</p>
<p>The restaurant has a step at the front door, because <em>of course</em> it does. Magnus apologizes profusely when he realizes, but Alec feels too choked up by that point to tell him it’s fine.</p>
<p>Alec curses in his head instead and gestures to Magnus to step away so he can get his chair up the step – thankfully a small one – with a wheelie. It’s easier than standing up and carrying his chair in. Or it should be, but looking inside, Alec quickly realizes that the only tables able to seat three people all have large booth seats and no space for his chair, which means that he’ll be forced to stand up anyway. Awesome.</p>
<p>Gretel turns out to be a young woman with white hair, maybe a few years older than Alec, who shakes their hands firmly. Alec wonders what she must think of him. He’s not quite capable of pretending like everything is fine, and he knows it must show on his face, especially when he winces at every noise from the kitchen. He orders spring rolls with an apology, explaining that he didn’t have lunch yet, only for the soggy texture of cheap rolls to assault his mouth. He has to dip them generously in hot sauce to be able to stand them.</p>
<p>Magnus watches him with concern, but thankfully doesn’t call Alec out on it. Gretel remains polite but neither of them really manages to engage in conversation, and it’s quickly obvious that they have very little in common. Alec makes as much of an effort as he can to talk, but he’s so overloaded that it comes out in monosyllables. He doubts he makes a good impression.</p>
<p>Magnus finally puts an end to the whole miserable affair by standing up and kindly thanking Gretel. Alec doesn’t try to interpret the looks that pass between them and instead focuses on getting back to his wheelchair.</p>
<p>“Alexander, what do you need right now?” Magnus asks him quietly when they’re finally outside.</p>
<p>Damn. It shows even more than Alec hoped if Magnus is using <em>that</em> voice. Alec hates it. He hates anyone seeing him struggle, especially like this.</p>
<p>“Quiet,” he mutters, looking down at his lap, and it takes all he has to utter that single word.</p>
<p>Magnus seems to understand, because he immediately conjures a portal. “I can take you back to the Institute and leave you alone,” he says. “We can also go to my loft if you want. It’s quiet, and I can make myself sparse for a while.”</p>
<p>Alec blinks, trying to process the options, tightly gripping his push rims. Going back to his room to take a nap sounds like the best idea, but he’ll have to go through the Institute’s common rooms for that. There are fewer people there on weekends, since only about a third of the Shadowhunters live at the Institute, but Alec’s siblings were loudly playing video games with Simon and Clary when he left, and the noise was enough to drive him away.</p>
<p>Magnus’ quiet and cozy loft sounds like heaven, but – he can’t accept it. He can’t force Magnus out of his own space.</p>
<p>But he did promise to have a talk with Magnus, and the truth is that Magnus is easy to talk to. Even when they broached harder subjects, even when he broke down over Max’s death, Alec never felt overwhelmed by Magnus’ presence. There are very few people in his life that have that effect on him.</p>
<p>So maybe he can handle that talk now. As much as he needs to isolate himself, Alec doesn’t <em>want</em> to leave Magnus’ side. It scares him, that yearning. It scares him, but it also feels right. Alec is tired of being scared.</p>
<p>He swallows several times before forcing the words out. “Your place. Please.”</p>
<p>He sees Magnus smile out of the corner of his eye. “Of course, Alexander. After you.”</p>
<p>Alec wheels himself through the portal, mentally appreciating how much care Magnus takes to make it reach the ground fully. His wheelchair was damaged several times by portals that were too high.</p>
<p>“Don’t go,” he says as soon as Magnus steps through and closes the portal. He hesitates, because he does need a minute if he’s going to be of any use. “Maybe give me ten?”</p>
<p>“I have a potion I need to attend to,” Magnus says, and Alec can’t tell if he’s telling the truth or making up a lie to make this easier for him. “Make yourself at home. I’ll be back soon.”</p>
<p>Alec takes a second to just breathe when Magnus disappears into his apothecary, then he makes his way over to the couch. He takes off his shoes, wincing when the movement pulls on his hip, and plops down on the couch, gathering his legs under his body. The pressure helps settle him down a bit, so he grabs a pillow and hugs it against his chest.</p>
<p>It takes him another few minutes to relax enough in the blessed silence to scoot sideways until he can lean his head on the armrest and close his eyes. He’s exhausted. He runs his fingers on the smooth leather of the couch absently.</p>
<p>He’s fairly sure it’s been far more than ten minutes when Magnus comes back into the living room, but he doesn’t call him out on it. He feels less scattered, though the light coming through the bay windows hurts a little when he opens his eyes.</p>
<p>“Are you feeling better?” Magnus asks quietly, hesitating as he comes closer. “I’m done with my potion, but I can give you more time if you need it.”</p>
<p>Alec pushes himself up, running a hand through his hair. “I’m okay,” he says. “I’m sorry. You shouldn’t have had to see that. And I ruined things with Gretel.” He keeps the pillow pressed against his chest, the need to comfort himself overruling the voice in his head saying that it’s not appropriate.</p>
<p>Magnus pads around Alec’s wheelchair, which he inadvertently left in the way, and sits down in one of the armchairs. He takes a breath. “First, Alexander, <em>never</em> apologize for getting overwhelmed. It was terrible planning on my part to schedule two meetings in two days when I know you’re already working overtime, and I should at least have checked that the Jade Wolf was accessible.”</p>
<p>“No, Magnus, it’s not your fault—” Alec starts protesting, but Magnus stops him with a raised hand.</p>
<p>“Maybe not, but it’s certainly not yours. And you didn’t ruin things with Gretel at all. I had doubts that things would spark between you, and I think I was right. Plus, you know the saying, if the person you’re with can’t handle you at your worst…”</p>
<p>“Yeah, but first impressions are important,” Alec argues. He’s been told that so many times, mostly by his parents when they scolded him for struggling to speak with strangers as a child.</p>
<p>Magnus brushes it away with a sweep of his hand. “It’s not like you were rude, just uncomfortable,” he says. “Besides, Maia is a far better match for you.”</p>
<p>He looks at Alec like he’s testing him somehow, expecting a specific reaction. It makes Alec’s skin crawl a little, because he doesn’t know what reaction that is. He shrugs. “She’s nice.”</p>
<p>“Alexander—” Magnus starts. Alec still isn’t sure why Magnus only calls him by his full name, but where he hates it from his parents – who only do it when he’s in trouble – it’s endearing coming from Magnus. “You’re not interested in women at all, are you?”</p>
<p>Alec gapes at him, his brain already working in overdrive. “I—” <em>Of course I am</em>. The words don’t make it past his lips. His hesitation is confirmation enough, and Magnus nods like he already knew somehow. What is he going to do? “It doesn’t matter,” he manages to say. “I can still marry a woman.”</p>
<p>“But why?” Magnus frowns. “Why would you force that on yourself?”</p>
<p>“I’m not the one who forced an arranged marriage as part of the negotiations,” Alec snaps.</p>
<p>He’s not sure where it comes from. He’s not angry at Magnus for it, and he’s fairly sure the stipulation came from the Seelies anyway. But he’s tired and aching and it went past his lips before he could control it.</p>
<p>Magnus recoils a bit, but he doesn’t lose his composure. “You’re right,” he says. “That’s on us. I have to admit that didn’t plan on liking the Nephilim prospect quite as much as I do.”</p>
<p>Alec closes his eyes and runs a hand through his hair again, feeling his cheeks heat. He fidgets with one of the tassels on the pillow he’s holding. “I’m sorry,” he sighs. “I didn’t mean that.”</p>
<p>“It’s okay, Alexander. I understand your frustration. This entire thing was imposed on you, and you’re being asked to choose someone to spend the rest of your life with. It’s a hard situation to be in.”</p>
<p>Magnus’ solicitude makes Alec feel even worse about his outburst. “I doubt the Clave will ever be okay with me marrying a man,” he says, going back to the original subject.</p>
<p>“Is there an actual law against that?” Magnus asks, sounding genuinely curious.</p>
<p>Alec pauses. “Not that I know of. Our marriage customs don’t apply to inter-species marriages, mostly because those weren’t really taken into account when the laws were written.”</p>
<p>“Then what’s really stopping you? The Clave doesn’t have a choice in the Downworld prospect. They will have to accept it. Unless you think Lydia or Aline would choose to pull out of the Charter signing over this?”</p>
<p>Alec shakes his head. “They wouldn’t, I don’t think so. But my parents…”</p>
<p>“Your family,” Magnus nods. “Of course. But does their approval really matter that much, Alexander? That you would condemn yourself to a life without happiness?”</p>
<p>Alec angrily twists the tassel around his finger until it cuts off the circulation. “Just because I won’t marry the love of my life doesn’t mean I’ll be unhappy,” he says.</p>
<p>“No, of course not,” Magnus admits, but his tone is a little clipped.</p>
<p>“What would you have me do?” Alec sighs. “Start over, let you find a man I might like? Then fight with the Clave and my parents forever because they hate it? Even if they can’t oppose it directly, it could cost me my job, everything I’ve worked for. I don’t <em>have</em> that kind of luxury, Magnus.”</p>
<p>He knows that even when he’s named full Head of the Institute, because of his disability, his position will still be precarious. He has detractors everywhere, people who think he shouldn’t be allowed to do this job. One wrong move and it might destroy everything.</p>
<p>At least now that he’s going to be married to a Downworlder, the Clave won’t assign him to a constrained desk job in Alicante, a fate little better than mundane institutions. That’s the one good point about this entire situation.</p>
<p>“I see,” Magnus says coolly.</p>
<p>Alec feels guilt like a cold shower coming down on him. Magnus is helping him. Why is he so snappy? “I’m sorry,” he says. “You didn’t deserve that. Just…” he hesitates. Given how Magnus is looking at him, there’s no way that he’ll agree to just pretend he never figured out Alec’s sexual orientation. “I don’t know. I don’t know what to do.”</p>
<p>Magnus stand up to pace, a little rigidly. He pinches the bridge of his nose and breathes through his mouth, as if calming himself down. Alec looks away.</p>
<p>Everything was...not easy, but simple. Why did he have to go and give Magnus doubts? Why couldn’t he just have pretended he was attracted to Maia or Gretel? Why does he always have to be so brutally honest, even when it does him a disservice?</p>
<p>Lying doesn’t come easy to Alec, but he’s a trained diplomat, he knows how to circumvent the truth. In fact, it has saved him many times when he had to cover up for his siblings’ outings. He used to be jealous and angry at how often they used him as an alibi, since he couldn’t or wouldn’t come with them, but now he’s just glad that they aren’t in his place.</p>
<p>So why do none of his self-imposed rules seem to apply whenever it comes to Magnus?</p>
<p>“We still have a few weeks to decide,” Magnus finally says. “We don’t have to present someone until the end of the negotiations. How about this: we keep Maia as a candidate, but you let me try to see if I can find a male or nonbinary Downworlder that you like. Then you can decide.”</p>
<p>Alec closes his eyes. That’s not a good idea at all, but he can’t help wanting to humor Magnus. “Alright,” he says. He’ll go through with it, and then he’ll tell Magnus that Maia is the one he wants to marry. It shouldn’t be that hard, right?</p>
<p>Man or woman, he won’t have time to get to know them enough to like them, anyway. It’s not like he’s ever really been attracted to anyone straight away.</p>
<p>Well, except for…</p>
<p>No.</p>
<p>He can’t think about that.</p>
<p>Magnus stops pacing and turns on his heels to face him, and Alec’s heart does a little flop.</p>
<p>“If we need to, I can stall the negotiations,” Magnus says. “Pushing the signature back by a week or two won’t harm anyone, and it will give you time to decide. Maryse might give me some trouble, but I can handle her.”</p>
<p>“Um, about that,” Alec shifts, biting his lip. “My parents were pulled out of the Institute, so starting tomorrow, I’ll be leading the negotiations on our side.”</p>
<p>Magnus stares at him in surprise. “I’ll be glad to go head to head with you, then,” he says after a moment. “You’ve proven that you have a head for this. But… It may be none of my business, but I have to ask. Why were they called back? Because if it’s a sign of the Clave trying to pull out of the negotiations—”</p>
<p>“No,” Alec shakes his head hurriedly, “it has nothing to do with that.” He bites his lip, unsure how to continue. Magnus is quickly becoming a good friend, but he’s also the leader of the Downworld, and there is a political issue to consider. Telling him about the trial could be a bad move.</p>
<p>Unless… Maybe the Downworlders deserve to know that the Shadowhunters who tormented them, who killed and hurt them for years, are finally being put on trial. The Clave has chosen not to involve them, not even as witnesses— trying the former Circle members on treason charges alone—but Alec isn’t sure that is a decision he can stand for. Not anymore. Not after the Soul Sword Massacre.</p>
<p>“I assume you know that my parents were...affiliated with the Circle,” he starts hesitantly.</p>
<p>Magnus nods in confirmation, a slight grimace of disgust on his face. Alec noticed it before, during the negotiations, whenever Maryse and Robert weren’t looking. Magnus hates them.</p>
<p>It’s a wonder that he’s been willing to work with Alec at all, let alone befriend him.</p>
<p>“In light of recent events, the Clave has decided to re-try all known former Circle members,” Alec says. He doesn’t elaborate too much. He doesn’t think that any Downworlder knows that the Consul himself was found out to be part of the Circle, but it’s probably information best kept to himself for now. “My parents were officially sentenced on Friday.”</p>
<p>“They’re actually being punished?” Magnus asks. His face seems torn between glee and worry.</p>
<p>Alec keeps his own tone as neutral as he can. “My father cut a deal, and he’s only going to be demoted and put on probation. My mother will be deruned and exiled from Idris.”</p>
<p>There’s a tense moment of silence, where Magnus seems to struggle with how to react.</p>
<p>“Alexander—” he starts.</p>
<p>Alec raises a hand to stop him. “I know what she did,” he says. “I hated her – them – when I found out. You don’t need to feel sorry for me.”</p>
<p>“She’s still your mother,” Magnus says.</p>
<p>Alec swallows. “Yeah. She is.”</p>
<p>“Do you have a good relationship with her?”</p>
<p>“Not really,” Alec sighs. “It’s always been...complicated. I was their eldest, the good son, they had a lot of expectations. I think they always wanted us to repair their mistakes, to make the Lightwood name respectable again.”</p>
<p>“They were hard on you,” Magnus states.</p>
<p>“As long as I could meet their expectations, they were harsh, but it wasn’t too bad. I was never quite what they wanted, but I was <em>good</em>. I had the highest marks at the Academy, won awards for my archery skills. Then...I got ill enough that it started to show. My performances dropped. The Silent Brothers had no idea what was going on, so we had to seek out mundane treatments.”</p>
<p>“Did you find any?” Magnus asks.</p>
<p>“No. But they could finally tell me what was wrong, and the painkillers are still useful. My parents and the Clave gave up on me when we realized this would be a lifelong thing. I had to fight my way back to the top. My mother is...she usually pretends that I’m not disabled and pushes me to do things I can’t do. Then she gets angry that I can’t do them.”</p>
<p>Magnus nods sympathetically. “She seemed rather cold toward you at the meetings.”</p>
<p>“She thinks I shouldn’t use my wheelchair in front of outsiders,” Alec sighs. “That I should pretend to be able-bodied. She hates it, she only sees it as a sign of my disability, so she believes I should force myself to walk.”</p>
<p>“I’m sorry, Alexander,” Magnus says softly. “You deserve so much better.”</p>
<p>Alec bites his lip. “She’s still my mother,” he mutters. “I can’t...I’m scared for her. She’s never been anything but a Shadowhunter. And since Max…”</p>
<p>“I get it,” Magnus says. “But she’s going to be okay. She has you, and your siblings. And whatever I may think about her, I know she’s a strong woman.”</p>
<p>“Thank you,” Alec murmurs.</p>
<p>He feels silly and immature, curled up on someone else’s couch and being reassured about his own mother by Magnus of all people, and yet he also feels safe. Safer than he’s ever felt outside of his own bedroom. Magnus gives no sign of being annoyed – in fact he keeps leaning forward a little to listen, as if what Alec is saying actually matters to him.</p>
<p>He’s – Alec has never quite met someone like him. He’s incredible. There’s something about him that attracts Alec’s gaze like sparkles in motion, and Alec never wants to stop looking at him. He speaks in this soft, deliberate way, his voice velvety and warm, and Alec never wants to stop listening.</p>
<p><em>But</em>, says a small voice in his head, <em>isn’t that what falling in love feels like?</em></p>
<p>Alec stomps down on that thought firmly and smiles back at Magnus. It doesn’t matter what Alec feels. He’s getting married, to someone who isn’t Magnus. The faster Alec can accept that, the better off he’ll be in the end.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I swear I meant for Magnus to declare his love or something. But then Alec begged for the POV and... he's very deep in denial, as you can see.</p>
<p>Don't kill me yet?</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Chapter 9</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This chapter fought me for so long! But it's finally ready to go, I hope you'll enjoy it :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“You still routinely have fledglings executed for doing something they can’t even control!” Raphael slams his hand on the table. The whole room flinches. Magnus glares at him and Jace, at the door, takes a menacing step closer.</p><p>Alec doesn’t move an inch. He waits until Raphael has calmed down enough to look a little embarrassed, and then he starts to speak.</p><p>“We’re aware that most of the fledglings who feed on mundanes can’t control themselves,” he says, his voice level. “We’d be happy to relinquish them to your custody if you can prove to us that you have a working rehabilitation system or, failing that, a foolproof containment method. Vampires are your jurisdiction, but mundanes are ours, and we cannot put them in danger by releasing uncontrolled fledglings into the city.”</p><p>Raphael takes a breath before he starts arguing again. Alec replies to each accusation calmly, never one word above the other, despite the vampire’s anger.</p><p>This first meeting without the elder Lightwoods is going less than smoothly. Magnus had hoped that Maryse and Robert stepping aside would calm at least some of the tensions between the Shadowhunters and the Downworlders, but it seems to have done the opposite.</p><p>Raphael, Luke and Meliorn haven’t gotten to know Alec like Magnus has. The realization grates at Magnus. Alec has been the driving force behind all the Shadowhunters’ efforts so far, but he’s done it from the shadows, letting his parents and Lydia take the spotlight. Magnus seems to be the only one who saw that facade for what it was.</p><p>They’re testing him. They want to see if they can get things from him that they wouldn’t have been able to pass by his parents. Magnus feels the urge to intervene, to protect Alec – and isn’t that something, that he wants to protect him against his own friends? – but he needs to let Alec assert himself. He knows he’s capable of it, even if Alec is showing subtle signs of anxiety and fatigue in the way he holds himself.</p><p>Magnus smiles at hearing Alec reuse some of the arguments Maia used on him just a few days ago. He’s is really good at this game. Even Lydia and Aline are looking a little impressed.</p><p>Finally, Raphael and Luke both start to give ground. The fact that Alec is truly willing to compromise helps. Meliorn watches it all with an air of amused disinterest, like he’s only here for entertainment. This attitude from him, which has been going on since the beginning of the negotiations, is starting to really annoy Magnus. Are the Seelies really so self-involved that they don’t care about the fate of the Downworld at all? (The answer is yes. The Seelie Queen has no interest for anyone but her own people. But Magnus can always hope.)</p><p>Magnus takes advantage of a lull in the back-and-forth to intervene. “We’ve been at this for hours,” he says. “I think it’s time we stop for the day and resume this next Monday.”</p><p>It seems to be the only signal they need. Alec tells Underhill to stop the record, and he stretches his back with a small wince. Lydia and Aline, who have barely gotten a word in today except for when Alec purposefully deferred to them, quietly gather their files.</p><p>Raphael stands up and walks around the table to Alec. He holds out a hand. “I’m glad you took over,” he says. “It’s nice to negotiate with someone I can respect.”</p><p>It’s both a compliment and an indirect insult to Maryse and Robert – and, knowing Raphael, the entirety of the Shadowhunter community. Alec stares up at him for a moment, then shakes his hand firmly. “Likewise,” he says, with an undertone of warning.</p><p>Raphael nods and takes a step back to let Alec move from his place at the table. Meliorn has filed out already, and Aline gives Alec a wave before she leaves the room with Lydia.</p><p>“How is the search for a prospect going?” Luke asks Magnus. Given that he spoke more than loud enough for everyone to hear him and that Magnus is certain that Maia told him all about Saturday, his casualness is obviously fake.</p><p>Alec and Magnus exchange a look, all levity fading out of them. “It’s going fine,” Magnus says. “We’re still narrowing down the list. We have some potential matches.” Well, they have one, and it’s someone that Alec can never love romantically. But Luke and Raphael don’t need to know that yet, and Magnus doesn’t know how much Alec has told his siblings. He’s not going to be the one to forcibly out him.</p><p>He rises and starts to move toward the exit to signal that the conversation is over. Luke and Raphael follow him back to the antechamber and Magnus quickly opens a portal for them. Alec wheels up to him as they disappear.</p><p>“Thank you,” he says quietly. “For not—you know.”</p><p>“It’s the least I can do,” Magnus answers, internally wincing at the fact that Alec feels the need to thank him for <em>not</em> outing him. “Now, you said you needed my demon expertise.”</p><p>“Yes. Um, when are you free?”</p><p>“How about right now?” Magnus offers. “I don’t have anything until the evening. After we’ve gotten some sustenance, of course.” It’s over past one in the afternoon and they’ve been sitting in the same room for almost four hours.</p><p>“I really have to start catching up on what I missed this weekend, so...do you mind working through lunch?” Alec asks. “Otherwise, feel free to go have lunch and come back.”</p><p>Magnus blinks. Doesn’t Alec get <em>any</em> day off? Working overtime to cover for their lack of personnel is one thing, but it’s looking more and more like the only breaks Alec is even taking are the hours he’s spent with Magnus trying to find him a match. “Will you eat if I don’t come with you?” he asks.</p><p>Alec grimaces, caught red-handed. “Probably,” he says. “Later.”</p><p>“Right,” Magnus rolls his eyes disbelievingly. “I’ll agree to a working lunch on one condition: you let me get the food. I’ve tasted your Institute’s coffee, I don’t want to touch anything coming from your kitchens ever again.”</p><p>“Deal,” Alec laughs. “Though the food isn’t that bad!”</p><p>“That’s only because you’ve let your palate get anesthetized by years of eating it,” Magnus says. “Is it just us or are your siblings coming?”</p><p>“They’re coming, if you don’t mind. You can count on Clary, too.”</p><p>Magnus doesn’t voice his disappointment. Sure, he would have rather he and Alec had time to themselves, but this is supposed to be a work meeting. Besides, Magnus <em>isn’t</em> supposed to want time alone with Alec.</p><p>Isabelle and Jace follow them back to the operations center, several steps behind. There are several Shadowhunters sitting at workstations with computers, but they barely even look up at their passing. A middle-aged man that Magnus has already met in passing – Alec’s second-in-command, he believes – stops to hand Alec a tablet and a small pile of files.</p><p>“Everything we have on the Owl, as you asked,” he says.</p><p>“Thank you, Jens,” Alec nods, putting it all on his lap. He wheels up to the table in the center and transfers the files there, turning on some kind of screen built into the table in the same move. “Magnus, do you mind if Izzy starts getting you up to speed? I need a few minutes.”</p><p>“Of course,” Magnus nods.</p><p>“Thanks.” Alec gestures something to his siblings and makes his way towards the elevator. Magnus watches him go, briefly transfixed by the way his biceps fill out his uniform’s leather jacket every time he pushes on his wheels. He almost jumps when Isabelle steps into his field of vision.</p><p>“So, Magnus,” she picks up the files Alec left behind, while Jace places his hands on the table. But before either of them can speak more, a young redheaded woman steps up to them. She seems familiar to Magnus, but it takes him a moment to place her.</p><p>“Clary!” Jace exclaims, leaning in to kiss her. “I thought you were training today.”</p><p>“Lunch break!” Clary explains. She turns to Magnus. “You’re Magnus Bane, aren’t you?”</p><p>“And you’re Clarissa Fairchild. All grown up.” Magnus looks at her with interest. He’s seen her grow up, even if it was only for a few hours every couple of years, and he’s heard about her more recent feats through Alec and Luke. “I suppose you don’t remember me,” he adds.</p><p>“Not really, but I’ve heard about you.”</p><p>“Alec told me about your mother,” Magnus says. “I’m sorry.” Her father’s death might deserve more praise than condolences, but Magnus’ experience with monstrous fathers – and with killing them – is a little too personal, so he doesn’t say anything.</p><p>“Thank you,” Clary says quietly. Sad, but not devastated. She’s young, and she’s mortal. Easily adaptable, despite all that life has thrown at her. Magnus feels a pang of envy for her innocence.</p><p>Magnus lets a moment pass and turns back to Isabelle. “Tell me about this Owl.”</p><p>“I will, but first,” Isabelle smirks. “How’s the search for Alec’s future wife <em>really</em> going? He won’t tell us anything.”</p><p>“I don’t think I should disrespect his wishes,” Magnus frowns, feeling a pang at hearing the word <em>wife</em>. “If he doesn’t want to tell you, he must have a reason.” Is it because Alec isn’t out to them? Or is he simply a private man? He seems to have a close relationship with his siblings, but Magnus knows that boundaries are different for everyone. “What do <em>you</em> think of it all?” he asks out of curiosity. “Of your brother getting married?”</p><p>Jace and Isabelle exchange a look.</p><p>“He doesn’t really want this,” Jace says, his voice low. “He broke off his engagement to Lydia, only to do it all over again with a Downworlder? It doesn’t make sense.”</p><p>“I think he should stop letting our parents step all over him,” Isabelle says.</p><p>“I thought he was doing this for you,” Magnus comments without thinking, Alec’s admission that he’d volunteered immediately on his mind. “So you’d be able to marry for love.”</p><p>He looks up and finds Isabelle staring at him in shock. “<em>What</em>?”</p><p>Magnus covers his mouth with his hand. “You didn’t know.” Isabelle’s gaping is answer enough. “Shit, I’m so sorry. I thought you knew.”</p><p>“I’ll be back,” Isabelle says, letting go of the file in her hands without care to where it drops. “<em>Alec</em>!”</p><p>“I’m here, Izzy, no need to shout,” Alec answers from the elevator’s direction. They all turn toward him in surprise. “What’s wrong?” He walks up to them, leaning on a pair of forearm crutches.</p><p>“Did our parents want <em>me</em> to be the prospect?” Isabelle asks, point blank. Subtlety really doesn’t seem to be her main quality.</p><p>Magnus gives Alec a guilty look. “I’m sorry, Alexander, I thought she knew.”</p><p>Alec sighs heavily. “It’s not your fault. Yes, Izzy, they wanted it to be you, at first. They didn’t think I’d make a good candidate. I convinced them otherwise.”</p><p>Magnus blinks. This is news to him. He had assumed the Lightwood had chosen Isabelle because she has less responsibilities than Alec, or because she’s never been engaged. But Alec’s self-deprecating demeanor is unequivocal. His parents thought him worth less worthy than his sister because of his disability, and he had to<em> convince</em> them to let him volunteer. Magnus feels a little sick.</p><p>“Alec, you didn’t have to do that,” Isabelle says, anguish painting her face, her dilemma obvious. She’s glad that it’s not her, but Alec’s sacrifice will eat at her for a long time, probably.</p><p>“I want you to be free, Izzy,” Alec smiles a little sadly. “Our parents have always believed that duty comes first, and I’m afraid they’ve succeeded in imparting this to me. But you deserve better.”</p><p>“You hate it when we break the rules,” Jace snorts – but he’s quieter, almost unsure, looking between Alec and Isabelle. It must be a strange position, to be the adopted son, the one who doesn’t have to uphold the family name. Though Jace seems to have gone through plenty of family names to uphold himself, if Magnus understood Alec’s convoluted explanation right.</p><p>“I hate it when you make my life harder,” Alec answers. “But the last thing I want is to turn into our parents.”</p><p>He leans one of his crutches against the table and props himself up beside it. Jace toes a wheeled stool from under the table and sends it rolling to Alec, who catches it with his leg. “Thanks,” he tells his brother, sitting down.</p><p>“I needed to stretch my legs,” he explains to Magnus. “I’ve been sitting still for too long.”</p><p>“Alec, this conversation isn’t over,” Isabelle says, still following her own thread. “You can’t just make that decision for me!”</p><p>“I made it for both of us,” Alec sighs.</p><p>Isabelle barely listens. “I could have married Meliorn! Or even Simon!”</p><p>“Simon?” Alec notes with a frown.</p><p>“Simon wouldn’t be an admissible prospect at all,” Magnus says casually, trying to defuse the tension. “He’s too young, and he knows nothing about our culture. I would go as far as to say he hasn’t made any effort to learn,” he adds disapprovingly. “As for Meliorn, I highly doubt a Seelie knight would go so low as to marry a Nephilim, even for a peace treaty.” The potential Seelie matches that the Queen offered for Alec are lower courtesans, at best. Not knights. Definitely not knights as battle-tested as Meliorn.</p><p>“He likes me,” Isabelle shrugs. “Or I could marry Raphael.”</p><p>Magnus sputters. Isabelle’s naivete aside, the way she said Raphael’s name… “You’ve been with him,” he understands. “With Raphael?”</p><p>Isabelle tilts her head. “Is that a problem?”</p><p>Magnus is about to say yes, that if she’s the reason Raphael has been closing him on himself, if she broke his heart, it certainly is a problem, but he decides to get to the bottom of that story first. It <em>should </em>wait, because this is taking them far from the initial conversation. “Have you slept with the entirety of my council?” he still asks.</p><p>“Ew, no,” Isabelle grimaces. “I wouldn’t sleep with Luke. He’s, like, my parents’ age.”</p><p>“Raphael is twice that,” Magnus points out. “And Meliorn is about fifteen times your age. But that doesn’t bother you as much, does it?”</p><p>“Luke is basically Clary’s father,” Jace intervenes. “It’s different.”</p><p>“And Raphael is my son in all but blood,” Magnus gives Isabelle a warning look. “But we look young and pretty. You mortals put so much importance on appearance.”</p><p>“Says the guy who dresses like a Christmas tree,” Jace says.</p><p>Magnus raises an eyebrow. Even Isabelle glares at her brother. “Now that is downright insulting,” Magnus says mildly. “You’re lucky I have no interest in fighting with you.”</p><p>Alec, on the other hand, looks murderous. “Jace,” he says through his teeth, grabbing his brother by the arm and kicking against the table’s legs to send himself rolling backwards. Jace has no choice but to follow him or topple over. “Are you <em>trying</em> to start a diplomatic incident?” Alec hisses, not quite low enough that Magnus can’t hear him. “Magnus isn’t you <em>buddy</em> you can make fun of!”</p><p>Magnus feels a rush of delight at Alec defending him like this, even if he knows Alec is mostly doing it out of duty. He clamps down on the feeling and tries not to beam at Alec.</p><p>“Alec!” Isabelle takes a step to join her brothers. “Calm down, Magnus doesn’t seem to mind.”</p><p>“Or maybe <em>he’s</em> trying not to start a diplomatic incident,” Alec points out with a roll of his eyes.</p><p>Jace and Isabelle both glance at Magnus, who does his best to keep a straight face, and he can see the confusion on their faces turning to awareness, and then to denial. This is why Alec is a better prospect than Isabelle could ever have been, Magnus reflects. His siblings may be accomplished fighters, but they are naive to the matters of politics, and clearly uninterested in learning. Alec has protected them maybe too much for their own good. Isabelle would have rushed head first and not cared who in the Downworld she might offend, where Alec has been nothing but careful.</p><p>“It’s fine,” Magnus says with a dismissive wave of his hand, because he doubts it would really be educational for them to pretend he’s actually offended. Jace is full of himself, but there is little he could say that could do any real harm to Magnus. Clary is still looking at them all in confusion, even more clueless than the others.</p><p>“If you’re sure,” Alec checks with him. He gives his siblings one more warning glance, then kicks the floor to roll himself back to the table. “Where were we?”</p><p>“Isabelle was going to tell me about the case.”</p><p>“Right,” Isabelle picks up the file. “It’s a demon we haven’t been able to identify. All we have so far is witness descriptions. It started by taking mundanes, but recently a werewolf was taken.”</p><p>Between them, Isabelle and Clary tell Magnus everything they have on the case, while Alec excuses himself for a few minutes to talk to Jens and another Shadowhunter. Jace pulls up a holographic map of the attacks on mundanes on the table’s screen.</p><p>Magnus studies their elements closely. “I’m not sure it’s even a demon,” he says, looking at the drawing Clary did from the description given by the werewolf whose friend was abducted. “This looks like a mask.”</p><p>“You think it’s human?” Isabelle asks. “It moves like a demon.”</p><p>“I think it might be a particularly powerful cloaking spell,” Magnus mutters. “I’ve seen things like this before.” It’s been a long time since he’s seen something so powerful. He’ll have to ask Ragnor to be sure, but if this thing is taking Downworlders as well as mundanes… They have to stop it, fast. “The Owl itself could be a demon, but it might not be. It’s not a mundane, their bodies wouldn’t be able to take the transformation, but it could easily be a Downworlder or a Nephilim. But there’s someone controlling it, or at least directing it.”</p><p>“A warlock?” Alec asks, coming back into the conversation.</p><p>“Someone with extremely powerful magic. Warlock, Seelie or Greater demon, but there’s only maybe three dozen people I know of with that kind of power.” Magnus doesn’t add that he’s one of them. It’s not the kind of spell that he’s ever seen a use for, and he’d rather the Shadowhunters don’t find out about his demon heritage.</p><p>“This is bad,” Alec states.</p><p>“Yes,” Magnus confirms. “And I can see no discernible pattern in the abductions. We don’t even know if they take their victims alive or just hide their bodies. I can’t figure out their purpose.”</p><p>“Can we kill the Owl?” Clary asks.</p><p>“Not easily. You would need to overpower whoever is controlling it, most likely.”</p><p>“That’s out, then,” Alec sighs. “We need to find out who’s pulling the strings.”</p><p>“Can you give us a list of the people you know who have this much power?” Jace asks Magnus.</p><p>“No,” Alec and Magnus say at the same time. Magnus turns his head sharply to look at Alec, surprised. “Most of them are Downworlders,” Alec explains his reasoning. “We’re not going to ask Magnus to give his people over to us on the grounds that they <em>might</em> be suspects because of how much power they have.”</p><p>That’s...another proof of how astute Alec really is. Magnus doesn’t think any other Shadowhunter would have seen it that way – he expected to have to fight with them about this. “I will, however, do my own investigation,” he says. “This is Downworld business, now.”</p><p>“A joint investigation?” Alec offers. “We keep looking into the abductions and you search for the Owl’s controller. If we can cooperate successfully, it will only strengthen the Charter.”</p><p>“You just want to weasel out of paying me for my consultation,” Magnus teases.</p><p>Alec gapes in mock offense. “Are you calling me stingy?”</p><p>“I’m just saying, I don’t only take money as payment,” Magnus smirks. “From you, I’ll accept a joint investigation. Or even a <em>very</em> heartfelt thank you.”</p><p>“<em>Thank you</em>, Magnus,” Alec tilts his head theatrically. “You have been very helpful.”</p><p>“Very good, Alexander,” Magnus banters, almost forgetting about the other Shadowhunters surrounding them. “I’m sure your future spouse will appreciate your wonderful thanking skills.”</p><p>Alec rewards him with a bright smile, and Magnus melts.</p><p>“You two act like such an old couple,” Clary jokes. “You should just get married, and this whole prospect issue would be solved.”</p><p>Magnus laughs, trying to hide how close to home it hits. Is he really that transparent? He looks around him, trying to gauge what the others think. Isabelle and Jace are smiling, and Jace gives Clary a slap on the back in connivance. But Alec isn’t laughing.</p><p>Alec is <em>blushing.</em></p><p>Magnus straightens abruptly. “How about that lunch?” he asks, waving his hands more widely than he really needs to to summon five sandwiches from a local café. They appear on the table, on the side that isn’t taken by the screen.</p><p>Isabelle is looking between him and Alec with a suspicious frown on her face. Magnus avoids her gaze and busies his hands with a sandwich.</p><p>It’s clear that no one dares continue the conversation. Clary looks a little lost, like she’s caught on that her pronouncement did something but she doesn’t know what. Jace stares at Alec until Alec grabs a sandwich and turns away from all of them to eat.</p><p>Magnus leans on the table and tries to think. He expected Alec to brush it off, scoff and act offended maybe, or even get angry at Clary for suggesting something so far out of the realm of possibilities, but he didn’t expect <em>this</em>. This confusing silence, that says it’s something that Alec has actually thought about.</p><p>Magnus has refused to really entertain the idea since Catarina first brought it up, certain that it wasn’t something that was possible. After all, Alec was supposed to marry a woman. Magnus is charged with setting him up with someone. It could never work.</p><p>Could it?</p><p>Magnus puts down his sandwich, appetite gone, and finds that Alec has barely touched his. The others are studiously pretending to ignore them. Taking a deep breath, he puts his hand on Alec’s shoulder to catch his attention. “Can we talk?”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I <i>will</i> do my best not to take another month to get us out of this cliffhanger.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Chapter 10</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>There we are.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“<span><span>Can we talk?”</span></span></p>
<p>
  <span>
    <span>Alec doesn’t let himself flinch back from Magnus’ touch, even though he wants to squirm. He looks up and briefly meets Magnus’ eyes. “Sure,” he says around the knot in his throat. “Do you mind if we go out in the park? I can’t walk fast, but—”</span>
  </span>
</p>
<p>“That’s fine, Alexander,” Magnus interrupts him, and Alec realizes he’s rambling nervously. He grabs his crutches instead, leaving his abandoned sandwich on the table – he can’t carry it with him, and he’s not hungry anyway. He hopes Magnus won’t take it as some kind of slight.</p>
<p>
  <span>
    <span>What </span>
  </span>
  <span>
    <em>does</em>
  </span>
  <span>
    <span> Magnus want anyway? To scold him in private for his siblings and Clary’s behavior? </span>
  </span>
  <span>
    <span>He </span>
  </span>
  <span>
    <span>had</span>
  </span>
  <span>
    <span> laughed at Clary’s suggestion that they get married, even as Alec’s whole world turned upside down.</span>
  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>
    <span>Of course he’s entertained the thought. In his wildest daydreams, he’s imagined what would have happened if this whole marriage business hadn’t happened, if he and Magnus had met under normal circumstances. He quickly came to the conclusion that it never </span>
  </span>
  <span>
    <span>would </span>
  </span>
  <span>
    <span>have gone past one date, not when Magnus ha</span>
  </span>
  <span>
    <span>d</span>
  </span>
  <span>
    <span> the whole world at his disposal – there’s no way </span>
  </span>
  <span>
    <span>Magnus would ever choose him. But he did entertain the thought.</span>
  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>
    <span>Alec starts toward the back entrance of the Institute, and Magnus manages to </span>
  </span>
  <span>
    <span>walk beside</span>
  </span>
  <span>
    <span> him without looking like he’s slowing himself down for his sake. </span>
  </span>
  <span>
    <span>They don’t speak as they make it past the doors and out onto the platform. For once, Alec ignores the ramp in favor of the steps, careful to place his crutches where they won’t risk slipping. Magnus doesn’t try to match his snail pace there and simply waits for him at the bottom.</span>
  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>
    <span>The four hours </span>
  </span>
  <span>
    <span>Alec</span>
  </span>
  <span>
    <span> spent sitting still in his chair with no more than a bathroom break have done his body no favor. His back has seized up, and while walking is the only thing likely to help – beside</span>
  </span>
  <span>
    <span>s</span>
  </span>
  <span>
    <span> lying down with a heat</span>
  </span>
  <span>
    <span>ing</span>
  </span>
  <span>
    <span> pad, </span>
  </span>
  <span>
    <span>which</span>
  </span>
  <span>
    <span> Alec </span>
  </span>
  <span>
    <span>doesn’t have time for</span>
  </span>
  <span>
    <span> today – it </span>
  </span>
  <span>
    <span>hurts</span>
  </span>
  <span>
    <span>. </span>
  </span>
  <span>
    <span>At least it forces him to focus rather than let his spinning thoughts run wild.</span>
  </span>
</p>
<p>They make their way to a bench under the large oak tree Alec loved as a child, and Alec closes his eyes for a second after he sits down, taking in the familiar sounds and smells. Even here in the middle of the city, it calms him down. He used to climb this tree with his sister, back before they started their training.</p>
<p>“<span><span>Alexander,” Magnus says softly, sitting down beside him.</span></span></p>
<p>Alec opens his eyes to look at him. He doesn’t look angry or annoyed, just hesitant. He has the same expression on his face as he did after Alec broke down in his loft.</p>
<p>“<span><span>What Clar</span></span><span><span>issa</span></span><span><span> said about...us, marrying,” Magnus starts.</span></span></p>
<p>Alec looks away, fidgeting with the zipper of his jacket. “She was just joking,” he says, his tone flat even to his ears.</p>
<p>“<span><span>Is </span></span><span><span>it</span></span><span><span> something you would consider?”</span></span></p>
<p><em>What?</em> Alec looks back at him in shock. “Marrying you?”</p>
<p>“Yes.” Magnus wrings his hand together nervously.</p>
<p>“I wouldn’t tie you down to me like that,” Alec says, without letting himself think.</p>
<p>“Let me ask you this another way,” Magnus tries. “If the circumstances were different, if there wasn’t a marriage at all, would you consider dating me?”</p>
<p>
  <span>
    <span>A</span>
  </span>
  <span>
    <span>lec bites his lip. “If it’s something that you’d...want, then yes,” he breathes</span>
  </span>
  <span>
    <span>. </span>
  </span>
  <span>
    <span>How could Magnus possibly want that? </span>
  </span>
  <span>
    <span>Alec</span>
  </span>
  <span>
    <span> chastises himself immediately </span>
  </span>
  <span>
    <span>for implying that he might</span>
  </span>
  <span>
    <span>. </span>
  </span>
  <span>
    <span>He braces himself and</span>
  </span>
  <span>
    <span> wait</span>
  </span>
  <span>
    <span>s</span>
  </span>
  <span>
    <span> for Magnus to make fun of him </span>
  </span>
  <span>
    <span>or to get angry.</span>
  </span>
</p>
<p>“<span><span>I almost scored a date before this mess started, didn’t I?” Magnus says </span></span><span><span>casually, though his posture betrays his tension</span></span><span><span>. “I wouldn’t have called you if I wasn’t interested.”</span></span></p>
<p>“<span><span>Yeah, but we know each other more, now,” Alec says. “I...fuck, Magnus, I cried on your shoulder like, two weeks after meeting you. </span></span><span><span>I’ve been making a fool of myself.”</span></span></p>
<p>“<span><span>Absolutely not. I was happy to be there when you needed a shoulder to cry on,” Magnus says. “</span></span><span><span>And I find new reasons to admire you every time I talk to you. You are something else, Alexander.”</span></span></p>
<p>
  <span>
    <span>A</span>
  </span>
  <span>
    <span>lec feels himself blush. “I—you—you really think that?” </span>
  </span>
  <span>
    <span>he asks before he can stop himself.</span>
  </span>
</p>
<p>“I’m not much of a flatterer,” Magnus says. “I say what I think.”</p>
<p>
  <span>
    <span>He sounds so serious that it leaves Alec speechless. He doesn’t think he’s ever been admired before – at least not for himself. He’s been declared an inspiration for “overcoming” his disability often enough, but that’s such a complete misunderstanding of his reality that he can’t take it as a compliment. The way Magnus </span>
  </span>
  <span>
    <span>looks</span>
  </span>
  <span>
    <span> at him, though, the way he’s been steadily supportive and friendly, unbothered by Alec’s </span>
  </span>
  <span>
    <span>numerous quirks and limitations…</span>
  </span>
</p>
<p>Magnus is different. He’s not pretending to like Alec because of his family name or because he’s the Acting Head of the Institute. He’s genuine, and he has no reason to be talking about this with Alec now other than truly wanting this. Even if Alec’s insecurities won’t let him believe it, his analytical mind can’t deny that.</p>
<p>“I like you, too,” he breathes finally. It’s been long enough that it’s weird, that it doesn’t qualify as an answer anymore, but Magnus doesn’t seem to care. He beams at Alec, light sparkling in his eyes. Alec could get lost in those eyes, stare at them for hours while Magnus isn’t looking.</p>
<p>And that’s something, too, Alec realizes. Whether it’s by design or not, Magnus isn’t trying to meet his eyes. He lets Alec watch him while he looks away, down at his hands or up at the tree, and he’s not bothered when Alec looks elsewhere while he’s talking.</p>
<p>
  <span>
    <span>It’s...</span>
  </span>
  <span>
    <span>comfort</span>
  </span>
  <span>
    <span>able</span>
  </span>
  <span>
    <span>. Alec’s interactions with Magnus have been different from anyone else he’s </span>
  </span>
  <span>
    <span>ever </span>
  </span>
  <span>
    <span>met. He feels safe with him, free to be himself without watching his every move, and even his fear of accidentally revealing his budding feelings </span>
  </span>
  <span>
    <span>hasn’t</span>
  </span>
  <span>
    <span> stopped him from opening up more than he has in years.</span>
  </span>
</p>
<p>“<span><span>I’m very happy to hear that, Alexander,” Magnus says softly, almost hesitantly.</span></span></p>
<p>“But we can’t—” Alec starts. He doesn’t even know how to continue. They can’t be together. They can’t date. They can’t—</p>
<p>“Get married?” Magnus asks, with a small smile. He’s tugging on his cuff link, as nervous as Alec feels, and yet his features are soft and inviting. “It’s a bit early for a proposal, but...can’t we?”</p>
<p>“What do you mean?” Alec digs his fingers into his thigh to keep his hand from moving the way it wants to, unwilling to risk distracting them from the conversation.</p>
<p>“I didn’t offer myself as a candidate because...well, for a variety of reasons. But mostly because I thought a young mortal would be a better match for you, and you wanted a woman. And in all my long life, I’ve never been married. So it just didn’t really come to my mind.”</p>
<p>“<span><span>You’ve never been married?” Alec asks. He’s never wondered before. Magnus has mentioned former lovers before, and his Clave file had something about his long term relationship with the former head of the New York Clan, but now that he thinks about it, Magnus has never talked about his past, not in any details.</span></span></p>
<p>“<span><span>No. We immortals see marriage differently than you do. We have to, when we live for centuries. But I </span></span><span><em>am</em></span><span><span> open to the option.”</span></span></p>
<p>“<span><span>Your first marriage shouldn’t be for politics,” Alec says immediately. It’s weird, to try to think about things the way Magnus does, from the </span></span><span><span>perspective</span></span><span><span> of </span></span><span><span>having</span></span><span><span> such a long life. He must have seen so much change. He’s so free, so open, but he lived in a world where his sexuality was a crime, where his warlock nature was a reason to hunt him for sport. Angel, how could Alec ever live up to all the things Magnus has been through?</span></span></p>
<p>“Why not?” Magnus tilts his head. “I’ve been in long term relationships before, but never felt the need to get married. This is hopefully a new beginning for the Shadow World – isn’t that a good enough reason? And it doesn’t have to be just about politics. Not if it’s with you.”</p>
<p><span><span>Alec opens his mouth, but nothing comes out. </span></span><span><span>He struggles for a moment to react – it’s not panic, not exactly, but he doesn’t know what to say or do. </span></span><span><span>H</span></span><span><span>e wants Magnus to know so many things at once without being able to express them and – okay, maybe he </span></span><span><em>i</em></span><span><em>s</em></span> <span><span>panicking.</span></span></p>
<p><span><span>Magnus must pick up on it, because he shifts in his seat. “You don’t need to answer right now. We shouldn’t rush into </span></span><span><span>a </span></span><span><span>decision, anyway.” </span></span><span><span>He pauses, thinking.</span></span><span><span> “</span></span><span><span>How about this,” </span></span><span><span>he continues after a moment.”</span></span> <span><span>W</span></span><span><span>e keep going as we have, looking for a male prospect for you, but we </span></span><span><span>also</span></span><span><span> go on that date. </span></span><span><span>I figure we’ve got a month, maybe six weeks before the Charter </span></span><span><span>has to be signed</span></span><span><span>. We have time to figure out if this—you and I, us—could work.”</span></span></p>
<p>“<span><span>That’s…</span></span><span><span>that’s what you want?” Alec checks, still breathing a little erratically.</span></span></p>
<p>
  <span>
    <span>Magnus assesses him with his gaze, and Alec wants to squirm. “Yes, Alexander, it’s what I want,” he says finally. There’s no hesitation in his tone. “</span>
  </span>
  <span>
    <span>What about you?”</span>
  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>
    <span>Alec bites his lip, pressing his fist into his thigh until it hurts. He needs to answer fast, before Magnus takes it as a rejection, but he doesn’t </span>
  </span>
  <span>
    <em>know</em>
  </span>
  <span>
    <span>.</span>
  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>
    <span>He knows what he wants. He wants whatever Magnus is willing to give him. But the Clave will have to approve of the Downworld prospect, and Alec can’t quite believe that Magnus could really want to shackle himself to him that way for however long Alec lives, and </span>
  </span>
  <span>
    <em>what Alec wants doesn’t matter, it never has</em>
  </span>
  <span>
    <span>.</span>
  </span>
</p>
<p>Magnus’ face fall, as Alec fails to answer in the appropriate time. “You’re allowed to say no,” he says flatly. “Just because I’m offering, doesn’t mean you have to agree. We can...go back to where we were before, pretend this never happened.”</p>
<p>“<span><span>No!” Alec interrupts him – too loudly, his arms flailing hard enough to sent a sharp spike of pain up his shoulder. He can’t help </span></span><span><span>but wince</span></span><span><span>, and Magnus’ gaze turns concerned. “</span></span><span><span>No. I want this, Magnus,” he blurts out before he can </span></span><span><span>talk</span></span><span><span> himself out of it again. He can’t handle Magnus’ sadness, not when </span></span><span><span>it’s a misunderstanding.</span></span></p>
<p>“But?” Magnus prompts.</p>
<p>
  <span>
    <span>Alec shakes his head. “No buts. I’m...worried, about a lot of things, but I’m sure of what I want. I want </span>
  </span>
  <span>
    <span>to date you</span>
  </span>
  <span>
    <span>.”</span>
  </span>
</p>
<p>Magnus’ eyes widen, and the spark, the thing that Alec can now identify as hope, is back. Alec smiles shyly, feeling self-conscious. He almost want to check again that Magnus is really sure, that he didn’t dream it. Magnus wants to date him, and maybe even to marry him.</p>
<p>It seems too good to be true.</p>
<p>
  <span>
    <span>It would be...it would be everything he could dream of. Magnus has seen his </span>
  </span>
  <span>
    <em>weirdness </em>
  </span>
  <span>
    <span>and he didn’t flinch, didn’t push him away. They have similar ideas when it comes to politics, and they’ve already proved that they can work together.</span>
  </span>
  <span>
    <span> And </span>
  </span>
  <span>
    <span>Alec hasn’t admitted it to himself, but he knows he’s already in love.</span>
  </span>
</p>
<p>“<span><span>In this case, may I ask you out, Alexander?” Magnus asks with a half-smile, caught somewhere between flirtatious and coy. “I know you have a long week ahead of you, but how do you feel about Friday</span></span><span><span> evening? </span></span><span><span>We can do something simple and quiet.”</span></span></p>
<p>Alec nods, relieved that Magnus isn’t offering a five star restaurant, or a club date. Alec wouldn’t do well with either. “I think I can fit it in my calendar,” he says.</p>
<p>
  <span>
    <span>M</span>
  </span>
  <span>
    <span>agnus grows serious again. </span>
  </span>
  <span>
    <span>“</span>
  </span>
  <span>
    <span>Let’s not think about the marriage until afterwards,” he says. “</span>
  </span>
  <span>
    <span>I know it’s a huge amount of pressure to put on a date, but...we can do our best with </span>
  </span>
  <span>
    <span>the time we’ve been given</span>
  </span>
  <span>
    <span>.”</span>
  </span>
</p>
<p>“<span><span>Okay,” Alec agrees, though he’s not sure he can</span></span><span><span> just forget the pressure</span></span><span><span>. His future marriage has been on his mind at all time</span></span><span><span>s</span></span><span><span>, despite all the Institute matters he has to think about. </span></span><span><span>And he’s fairly sure his brain is </span></span><span><em>never</em></span><span><span> going to let go of the thought that he might marry </span></span><span><em>Magnus</em></span><span><span>, now. </span></span></p>
<p>“<span><span>I think we’ll need to keep it...discreet,” Magnus says with regret in his voice. “I don’t like hiding, but politically, it’s too sensitive to make it public, as long as we’re not sure if it’s what we want.”</span></span></p>
<p>“<span><span>Of course,” Alec agrees </span></span><span><span>with a measure of relief. He hasn’t had time to consider the implications yet, he’s too stunned by the idea that Magnus wants to date him, but the politics of it all make his head swim</span></span><span><span>. “I, uh, I’m not </span></span><span><span>entirely</span></span><span><span> out to my family. Izzy and Jace know I’m gay, and it’s likely that my parents at least suspect it, but they would rather ignore it.”</span></span></p>
<p>“I gathered that when you tried to marry a woman,” Magnus says dryly.</p>
<p>
  <span>
    <span>Alec tenses. “I don’t want to hide you,” he says. “</span>
  </span>
  <span>
    <span>This. Whatever it ends up being. But I agree that it shouldn’t become widely known at least for now. </span>
  </span>
  <span>
    <span>If we decide to go forward with it, I won’t take any shit from my parents. Their actions forced me into this marriage in the first place, they don’t get a say in who I choose.</span>
  </span>
  <span>
    <span>”</span>
  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>
    <span>Magnus swallows </span>
  </span>
  <span>
    <span>visibly, though he looks pleased at Alec’s pronouncement. </span>
  </span>
  <span>
    <span>“I should probably warn you that </span>
  </span>
  <span>
    <span>your parents</span>
  </span>
  <span>
    <span> may take exception to you dating </span>
  </span>
  <span>
    <em>me</em>
  </span>
  <span>
    <span> even more than to you dating a man.”</span>
  </span>
</p>
<p>“What do you mean?” Alec frowns.</p>
<p>“The history we have… I doubt that they will ever like me, just like I will never forgive them fully for what they did to my people. I would never want you to shoulder the crimes of your parents, but you need to be aware that it’s a hurdle that we will face from both sides, should we marry.”</p>
<p>
  <span>
    <span>A</span>
  </span>
  <span>
    <span>lec hesitates, then carefully places his hand on Magnus’ on the bench, out of sight of anyone looking at them. He almost shivers at the contact, but he squeezes Magnus’ fingers gently. “We’ll cross that bridge when we get there,” he says.</span>
  </span>
</p>
<p>“<span><span>You’re right, Alexander,” Magnus smiles. “I’m the one who just said we shouldn’t think about this marriage just yet. Let’s just...enjoy ourselves.”</span></span></p>
<p>
  <span>
    <span>A</span>
  </span>
  <span>
    <span>lec nods and lets go of his hand. </span>
  </span>
  <span>
    <span>“</span>
  </span>
  <span>
    <span>I should...I should go back,” he forces out. </span>
  </span>
</p>
<p>It’s the last thing he wants, to end this sweet moment with Magnus and go back to the chaos of the ops center. He feels good here, comfortable.</p>
<p>“<span><span>I know you have </span></span><span><span>a lot of work, but you need to take breaks sometimes, just like everyone else,” Magnus says.</span></span></p>
<p>“I do,” Alec shrugs. “I took most of the weekend off, remember? I was with you.”</p>
<p>“I meant lunch breaks,” Magnus points out. “And this weekend wasn’t much of a break for you, was it? It tired you out even more.”</p>
<p>
  <span>
    <span>Alec stiffens, but Magnus raises a hand before he can reply. “Alexander, I’ve tried to keep a professional relationship with you so far because...well, because I was supposed to find you a spouse, and it was the only way to keep you at an arm’s length </span>
  </span>
  <span>
    <span>while doing so. But if we’re going to date, that’s going to change. It means I get to worry about you. And I can be </span>
  </span>
  <span>
    <em>very</em>
  </span>
  <span>
    <span> protective </span>
  </span>
  <span>
    <span>when I want to be</span>
  </span>
  <span>
    <span>.”</span>
  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>
    <span>A</span>
  </span>
  <span>
    <span>lec laughs. “Okay,” he relents. “I really do take breaks. But we’re currently about fifteen Shadowhunters under the absolute smallest number I need to keep the Institute afloat, and I’m trying to get ahead so I can be free </span>
  </span>
  <span>
    <span>on </span>
  </span>
  <span>
    <span>Wednesday to go to Alicante.”</span>
  </span>
</p>
<p>“What’s on Wednesday?”</p>
<p>“My mother’s deruning,” Alec explains.</p>
<p>“Oh, right,” Magnus tilts his head in compassion. “How is she handling it?”</p>
<p>Alec knows already that his compassion doesn’t truly extend to Maryse, but it’s still nice of him to ask. “She’s been in Idris since the end of the trial, so I haven’t seen her,” he answers. “Jace and Izzy are taking it pretty hard.”</p>
<p>“What about you, Alexander?” Magnus asks.</p>
<p>Alec lets the corner of his mouth upturn in acknowledgment of what Magnus just did, smoothly bringing the conversation back to him. “I’m okay,” he says. “There’s a lot going on and a lot to process, but I make it work.”</p>
<p>Magnus lets it go. “Should we change the negotiations around? We could split the sessions in two, make them twice a week. You have the power to decide that now.”</p>
<p>“Why?” Alec frowns.</p>
<p>“<span><span>For one, it wouldn’t take a whole morning that way. And I can see that sitting without moving for so long </span></span><span><span>hurts</span></span><span><span> you.”</span></span></p>
<p>
  <span>
    <span>Alec sighs internally. Magnus was bound to notice, and he’ll see a lot more of him in pain if they start dating, but...</span>
  </span>
  <span>
    <span>he can’t help wishing that </span>
  </span>
  <span>
    <span>his pain levels didn’t have to be a fixture in their relationship. “</span>
  </span>
  <span>
    <span>It’s not great,” he admits. “But I’d rather keep it as it is than try to fit a second meeting into my schedule. I’ll make sure to take a proper coffee break next time.” This morning, Alec and Raphael were so engrossed in their argument that they kept it going through the break and Alec didn’t take the time to stretch his back.</span>
  </span>
</p>
<p>“I’ll be sure to remind you of that,” Magnus says like it’s a threat, before he winks.</p>
<p>“<span><span>Walk with me some more?” </span></span><span><span>Alec offers, </span></span><span><span>picking up</span></span><span><span> his crutches </span></span><span><span>from where he’s leaned them against the back of the bench</span></span><span><span>.</span></span></p>
<p>“<span><span>Of course,” Magnus jumps to his feet, almost too eager. </span></span></p>
<p>Alec fights back his urge to hurry up so he doesn’t make Magnus wait, and he takes the time to stretch and sort out his crutches before he stands up.</p>
<p>“<span><span>Can I ask you why you’re not—” Magnus hesitates.</span></span></p>
<p>“Using my wheelchair?” Alec finishes for him, walking back to the path. He takes the direction opposite to the Institute, leading them into a stroll around the park. “I needed to move and change position, and walking actually helps my back sometimes.”</p>
<p>Magnus nods. “What else helps?” he asks.</p>
<p>“<span><span>Depends. Heat, Painless runes, sometimes mundane painkillers. Lying down. </span></span><span><span>Using my wheelchair most of the time definitely helps keep the pain bearable.” </span></span><span><span>He glances at Magnus, worried that he’s overshared, but Magnus just nods without letting his thoughts show on his face.</span></span></p>
<p>“I want you to feel comfortable using any of those methods around me,” he says. “Whenever you want, not just when you’re in too much pain to do otherwise.”</p>
<p>Alec swallows against the sudden lump in his throat. Magnus said it with his usual genuineness, like it’s not a big deal, but this kind of blanket acceptance isn’t anything simple. Each of the accommodations Alec uses is the result of numerous fights with his parents and the Clave, of months of educating his siblings and his colleagues so they could accept that he needs them.</p>
<p><span><span>And Magnus is casually announcing that not only to </span></span><span><span>will </span></span><span><span>he</span></span> <span><span>accept them but </span></span><span><span>he </span></span><span><span>wants to </span></span><span><em>encourage</em></span><span><span> Alec to use them.</span></span></p>
<p>“I—thank you,” Alec murmurs. He doesn’t have the words to say how grateful he is, but Magnus smiles softly and nods.</p>
<p>“No need to thank me, Alexander.”</p>
<p>
  <span>
    <span>They walk in silence for a moment, until they’ve circled back to the back entrance of the Institute. Alec </span>
  </span>
  <span>
    <span>stops and</span>
  </span>
  <span>
    <span> shifts his weight onto one crutch to check his watch. </span>
  </span>
  <span>
    <span>“</span>
  </span>
  <span>
    <span>I need to get my chair </span>
  </span>
  <span>
    <span>back</span>
  </span>
  <span>
    <span> and then get back to work,” </span>
  </span>
  <span>
    <span>he says</span>
  </span>
  <span>
    <span>. “You don’t have to come back inside, I know you have things to do, too.”</span>
  </span>
</p>
<p>“And if I want to walk back with you?” Magnus asks, a smile floating on his lips.</p>
<p>“Are you flirting or just scared I’ll faceplant on the stairs?” Alec asks with a straight face. He sees a flash of panic in Magnus’ eyes and grins at him reassuringly to show he’s joking.</p>
<p>Magnus raises an eyebrow. “I was thinking that if I walked you back all the way to your quarters, away from the prying eyes of your Institute, I might get the chance to ask you for a kiss.”</p>
<p>“<span>Oh,” Alec says, feeling himself blush. “I, uh… I’d like that. Please walk me back, then, Magnus.”</span></p>
<p>
  <span>
    <span>J</span>
  </span>
  <span>
    <span>ace, Izzy and Clary are still hanging out around the ops table when they pass through the main room on the way to the elevator, but none of them do more than give them a few looks. Alec leans against the elevator’s wall as it starts moving up and takes a moment to look at Magnus properly, at his soft smile and the little lines around his eyes, the way the golden thread of his jacket </span>
  </span>
  <span>
    <span>catches</span>
  </span>
  <span>
    <span> the light.</span>
  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>
    <span>Is it really possible that this beautiful, incredible man wants </span>
  </span>
  <span>
    <em>him</em>
  </span>
  <span>
    <span>? Is Alec going to wake up in his bed and realize it was all a dream?</span>
  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>
    <span>The elevator opens </span>
  </span>
  <span>
    <span>to</span>
  </span>
  <span>
    <span> the third floor, and Magnus walks out, holding out an arm to keep the doors from closing as Alec follows him more slowly. His back has finally started to loosen up, but the pain in his hips is getting to where he can’t ignore it, and he leans on his crutches more heavily on the small trek to his room. </span>
  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>
    <span>He takes out his stele to </span>
  </span>
  <span>
    <span>draw an unlocking</span>
  </span>
  <span>
    <span> rune </span>
  </span>
  <span>
    <span>and feels a rush of embarrassment </span>
  </span>
  <span>
    <span>as he opens the door</span>
  </span>
  <span>
    <span>. </span>
  </span>
  <span>
    <span>H</span>
  </span>
  <span>
    <span>is room is fairly bare </span>
  </span>
  <span>
    <span>and it usually suits him perfectly fine</span>
  </span>
  <span>
    <span>, but the contrast with Magnus’ own tastefully furnished loft </span>
  </span>
  <span>
    <span>strikes him suddenly.</span>
  </span>
</p>
<p>“<span><span>Alexander?” Magnus asks </span></span><span><span>in concern</span></span><span><span> when Alec falters and stays in front of the door for a second too long.</span></span></p>
<p>“Sorry, come on in,” Alec steps aside to let him through. It’s strange to be towering over Magnus, after he’s sat through nearly all of their interactions.</p>
<p>
  <span>
    <span>Magnus takes a curious look around the room, but he doesn’t linger on it, instead turning to Alec, who closes the door behind them. “So, about that kiss,” he smirks.</span>
  </span>
</p>
<p>Alec gestures with his crutches. “Can we sit down first?”</p>
<p>
  <span>
    <span>Magnus doesn’t bother answering, immediately closing the gap between him and Alec’s bed and sitting down expectantly. Alec laughs at his eagerness. He frees his arms from his crutches and drops beside Magnus, ignoring the painful twinge in his back. He’s got better things to do than worry about that right now.</span>
  </span>
</p>
<p>Magnus’ hand slides up his neck to grip the back of his head, and Alec relaxes in his touch, leaning in to meet Magnus’ mouth with his own.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>The good news is that this is not, by far, the end of the story. The bad news is that this may not live up to it's "slow burn" tag, since we're only about half-way through! What do you think? Does it still count as a slow burn if they get together in the middle?</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Chapter 11</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Huge thanks to <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/JeanBoulet/pseuds/JeanBoulet">JeanBoulet</a> as usual for betaing, and also to <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarayFlair">Daray</a> for checking out my characterization of Jem.</p><p>I didn't mean to take another month to update, but you know, life, too many WIPs, I'm trying.</p><p>So I know I promised a Malec date, but that will happen in the next chapter! There was something that needed to happen first.</p><p>Side note: I am changing my handle to EchoBleu. I've set it as a pseud for now so my former name still appears but now that I've updated all my WIPs with this note, I'll be making the change permanent in the next few days. The change won't break links to my fics but it will break links to my profile, and I also changed my tumblr (to echo-bleu).</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The waiting area is less of a waiting room and more of a corridor. There isn’t even a chair in sight, so Alec is particularly grateful that he came with his own. He parks himself in a corner, a few feet away from the room where his mother was ushered by the Silent Brothers.</p><p>
  <span>
    <span>He expected the deruning to be done somewhere in the Gard, but they’re in the Alicante hospital instead. It makes sense, thinking about it. Removing runes is excruciatingly painful and takes a </span>
  </span>
  <span>
    <span>toll from</span>
  </span>
  <span>
    <span> the body. The removal of the angelic rune, the last one to go, is especially delicate, since the damage can’t be healed by an iratze. Alec has stayed up long past </span>
  </span>
  <span>
    <span>any reasonable</span>
  </span>
  <span>
    <span> bedtime every day this week </span>
  </span>
  <span>
    <span>to read about it</span>
  </span>
  <span>
    <span>, wanting to know what to expect.</span>
  </span>
</p><p>He tries to distract himself by filling out paperwork on his phone. He purposefully sent Jace and Izzy on a drawn-out mission today to prevent them from hovering, as Maryse made it clear that she didn’t want them to worry. Alec flat out refused to let her go through this on her own, but she still asked him to wait outside.</p><p>Alec grips his phone tighter as it buzzes. He closes the paperwork he can’t focus on to read the new text. It’s from his father.</p><p>
  <em>Will you give me updates on how your mom is doing? I know this is a hard day.</em>
</p><p><span>Alec frowns down at his phone. </span><span>His father has barely communicated with any of them since he was shipped off to Los Angeles at the end of the trial.</span> <em>The least you could have done is be here to support her,</em><span> he sends back.</span></p><p>
  <em>I offered. She asked me not to</em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alec sighs and looks up as the door to the ‘treatment room’ – he still winces at the name, given what is happening in there – opens to let out one of the Silent Brothers. Alec recognizes Brother Zachariah, </span>
  <span>the Brother who was in charge of his own case years ago when his illness started to affect his daily life. He’s the only Brother Alec has ever seen who doesn’t have the ritual sewn mouth and eyes, and Alec remembers him as a kind and empathetic man, who actually took the time to explain every test and treatment they tried on him.</span>
</p><p>“Is it over?” Alec asks, wheeling up to him.</p><p>“Yes,” Brother Zachariah’s voice rings in his head. “We’ve given her some time to rest and change. She handled it all very stoically.”</p><p>“<span><span>Thank you,” Alec says stiffly. </span></span></p><p>“<span><span>You have come a long way since we last saw you, Alexander Lightwood. I hear you are to become the Head of the New York Institute.”</span></span></p><p>“And marry a Downworlder,” Alec raises an eyebrow, curious of what the Silent Brothers have to say about it all.</p><p>
  <span>
    <span>Brother Zachariah chuckles </span>
  </span>
  <span>
    <span>silently</span>
  </span>
  <span>
    <span>. “I was once </span>
  </span>
  <span>
    <span>engaged</span>
  </span>
  <span>
    <span> to a warlock,” he </span>
  </span>
  <span>
    <span>projects. “It was before I became a Silent Brother. You may find that many Downworlders are more open-minded than your own peers.”</span>
  </span>
</p><p>“I think I already have,” Alec admits once he recovers from his surprise. He’s never heard of a Shadowhunter-warlock relationship, but the Silent Brothers are immortal. It could have been centuries ago.</p><p>“I have followed your journey with interest, Alexander. We do not often speak of our past lives, but you remind me of who I was. Just like you, as a mortal I was ill and disabled, and I had to fight to be allowed to live the life I wanted.”</p><p>
  <span>
    <span>Alec opens his mouth, but he fails to utter any word, too stunned to figure out what to say. This is all news to him. The Silent Brothers are </span>
  </span>
  <span>
    <span>an entity, a body so united that it’s hard to believe that they each had lives, identities before taking the oath. Of course, it makes sense when Alec thinks about it, but he’s never heard a Brother speak about himself.</span>
  </span>
</p><p>“Unfortunately, my illness caught up with me before I could accomplish my dreams,” Brother Zachariah continues, “but I have faith that you will be a vessel of change for the Clave. The Nephilim need someone like you.”</p><p>“I—” Alec stammers. “Thank you. I had no idea.”</p><p>Brother Zachariah inclines his head. “Your mother is ready to leave. Please give Magnus Bane my best.”</p><p>“Magnus? You know him?”</p><p>Brother Zachariah just gives him an enigmatic smile before he disappears back into the treatment room. A few seconds later, before Alec has had any time to process what just happened, Maryse comes out.</p><p>She looks exhausted and barely stable on her feet. She turns her head away as soon as she sees Alec, worrying at her lower lip like she’s seconds away from crying.</p><p>“Mom,” Alec wheels closer to her.</p><p>
  <span>
    <span>He didn’t quite anticipate how viscerally his body reacts to the absence of the deflect rune he’s always known on her neck. Her skin is smooth, like it was never there, but what claws at Alec in spite of himself is gut-churning revulsion, an uncontrollable fear that almost makes him check his own runes, just to make sure that they’re still here. He forces himself </span>
  </span>
  <span>
    <span>past it and he </span>
  </span>
  <span>
    <span>stands up to hug her. “It’s gonna be okay,” he murmurs when he feels her try and fail to contain a sob. “</span>
  </span>
  <span>
    <span>Let’s go, alright? We can go straight to the hotel, and you can rest.”</span>
  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>
    <span>Maryse nods in his shoulder </span>
  </span>
  <span>
    <span>without a word. Alec sits back down in his wheelchair and guides her the best he can </span>
  </span>
  <span>
    <span>back to the Gard and</span>
  </span>
  <span>
    <span> to the Portal room where a warlock is waiting for their scheduled portal back to New York.</span>
  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>
    <span>Just before they enter the building, Maryse stops to look around her, taking in the sight of Alicante from the foot of the Gard. Alec lets her take her time. Alicante is her home, and he can’t quite imagine how it </span>
  </span>
  <span>
    <span>must </span>
  </span>
  <span>
    <span>feel for her, to know that she can never come back. </span>
  </span>
  <span>
    <span>She’s no longer a Shadowhunter, and now she won’t even be recognized as a Nephilim anymore.</span>
  </span>
</p><p>“<span><span>Let’s go,” Maryse mutters finally, taking a deep breath.</span></span></p><p>Alec takes them through the portal and straight to the hotel room he booked for her this morning. Her suitcase is already there, the only possessions that she was allowed to take with her. All the Lightwood things have gone back to Robert, and her Trueblood inheritance will now be split between Alec and Izzy.</p><p>The room is simple but tastefully decorated. Alec didn’t want his mother to spend however long it takes for her to find a place of her own in a cheap motel.</p><p>“Mom, what can I do to help?” Alec asks as Maryse sits down on the bed almost robotically. He leaves his wheelchair by the door and walks over to sit down beside her.</p><p>She looks stunned, staring at the wall without seeing it. Her hand is clutching her right arm, where her angelic rune used to be. There is a bandage just peeking out of her sleeve – this one couldn’t be healed like the others.</p><p>“Mom,” Alec repeats.</p><p>
  <span>
    <span>Maryse stands up </span>
  </span>
  <span>
    <span>abruptly</span>
  </span>
  <span>
    <span> and goes into the bathroom. At first, Alec thinks that she wants to be alone, but she doesn’t close the door behind her. She looks at herself in the mirror and tugs on the collar of her shirt, exposing her unblemished skin. </span>
  </span>
</p><p>She makes a small, strangled noise. Alec can see tears running down her face, but she dries them immediately with a towel she takes off the rack.</p><p>“Did it hurt?” Alec asks, coming to stand behind her. He puts a comforting hand on her shoulder.</p><p>It’s a foolish question. Of course it hurt. Alec has had permanent runes removed before for various reasons, and it always hurts, far more than applying them. Doing all of them at the same time has to be excruciating.</p><p>Maryse doesn’t answer. She buttons her collar back up, even higher than before.</p><p>“Where are Isabelle and Jace right now?” she asks, her voice barely above a murmur.</p><p>Alec can’t tell if she’s asking because she wants to see them or to avoid them. “They should be coming back from their mission soon,” he answers. “They’ll be waiting for an update.”</p><p>“Tell them—” Maryse swallows. “Tell them I’m fine.”</p><p>“Right,” Alec says dryly. “I don’t think that’s gonna fly.”</p><p>“I’ll be fine.”</p><p>“Mom, you need time to adjust, at the very least. We don’t expect anything else. And we’re here for you.”</p><p>“I don’t know what I’m going to do,” Maryse sighs, dropping the facade. “I’ve been thinking about it a lot, since the trial, but I don’t know what good I am in the mundane world.”</p><p>“You’ll find something,” Alec says. “I’ll help you. We’ll all help. You have plenty of knowledge that could be applied in mundane jobs.”</p><p>“A mundane job,” Maryse repeats. “I’ve never even lived outside of Alicante or the Institutes.”</p><p>“You’ll adapt, Mom. We’re adaptable, remember? We’re Lightwoods.”</p><p>Maryse startles a little and looks up at him in the mirror. “What?”</p><p>“It’s something you told me when I first got a diagnosis,” Alec frowns, surprised that she doesn’t remember. “And you were right.”</p><p>“Oh, I remember now,” Maryse chuckles. “I probably told you that because it was what I thought you needed to hear, but… You did adapt rather admirably. We all thought you’d give up on your training and end up back in Alicante, but look at you now. Head of the Institute, all on your own.”</p><p>
  <em>No, you gave up on me,</em>
  <span> Alec wants to say, but he doesn’t. </span>
  <em>You gave up on me and on the Institute both. I had to handle it all on my own. You didn’t give me a choice.</em>
</p><p>“I’m still only Acting Head,” he shrugs instead. “Maybe when I’m officially the Head they’ll finally send me the backup I keep requesting. We’re spread so thin that I’m going to have to reduce regular patrols to keep up with all the calls.”</p><p>“Am I keeping you away from work?” Maryse asks, with what seems like actual concern.</p><p>“<span><span>No. I took the day off. </span></span><span><span>I thought we could all get dinner together, </span></span><span><span>with Izzy and Jace</span></span><span><span>,” Alec proposes. </span></span><span><span>His legs burning from the strain of staying upright without moving, he gently steers Maryse back to the bed. </span></span></p><p>“I don’t really want to go out,” Maryse admits.</p><p>“Yeah, I figured. How about we order room service and just stay here? We can watch TV or something, just spend the evening together, the four of us.”</p><p>Maryse gives him a small nod. “That would be nice.”</p><p>“<span><span>I’ll call Izzy,” Alec smiles, squeezing her hand.</span></span></p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>It happens mid-way through the evening, after they’ve all finished their food and they’re crammed together on the bed, zapping through the channels on the wall-mounted TV. Alec is sitting up as straight as he can against the headboard to keep his back pain to a manageable level, with Izzy lying down with her head on his lap. Maryse is propped up against some pillows beside him, while Jace has opted to sit cross-legged at the foot of the bed.</p><p>Alec has been watching for the signs all night, seeing Maryse slowly lose her tension and her tight control over herself, but she’s not the one who triggers it. It’s Jace.</p><p>The TV is showing the end credits of some unknown anime, full of sword fights and dragons. “Max would have loved it,” Jace says in a low voice, staring at the screen. He’s probably right. None of them know how Max, who was raised for the most part in Alicante since he before learned to read, developed such a strong passion for all things manga and anime, but he did.</p><p>“I miss him,” Izzy murmurs sadly.</p><p>They don’t move for a minute as the TV starts showing ads instead, but Alec can see Maryse deflate from the corner of his eye, her lower lip trembling. He catches her hand in his and squeezes.</p><p>“<span><span>I miss him too,” she whispers, and Alec thinks that it’s the first time she’s even admitted it in front of them. He squeezes her hand tighter, until his wrist hurts. She lets out a small sob and Alec slips his arm behind her head and gathers her closer, just as Izzy sits up to hug her. </span></span><span><span>Jace lies down on Maryse’s other side and catches Izzy’s free hand in his own. </span></span><span><span>Even as he tries to hold them together, Alec feels tears running down his own face.</span></span></p><p>
  <span>
    <span>The breakdown is long overdue, and it feels liberating in some ways, to be able to mourn as a family, and not hide their emotions because it ‘isn’t done’. </span>
  </span>
  <span>
    <span>The pain of Max’s death is still unbearable at time</span>
  </span>
  <span>
    <span>s</span>
  </span>
  <span>
    <span>. Alec has distracted himself with work, but the hole in his chest is still there, still as suffocating as the first day. He stares down at his mother’s rune-free arms, thinks of their absent father, whose texts he still hasn’t had the heart to respond to, watches his grieving siblings and he wants to fold under the weight of it all.</span>
  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>
    <span>B</span>
  </span>
  <span>
    <span>ut there are good things, too. The Downworlders and the Clave are both taking the Charter negotiations seriously, and it’s a good sign for the future of the Shadow World. Valentine is finally gone, and Clary is slowly adapting to life as a real Shadowhunter, taking her training seriously. Maryse is </span>
  </span>
  <span>
    <span>attempting</span>
  </span>
  <span>
    <span> to be a real mother to them, despite her faults. Jace is in love, truly and beautifully, and it’s a constant warmth in the parabatai bond even as he and Alec both fight to heal from their trauma. </span>
  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>
    <span>And there’s Magnus.</span>
  </span>
  <span>
    <span> The mere thought of him, of their kiss the other day, washes a sense of comfort over Alec as his tears dry out. It doesn’t erase his grief or his fatigue, but it makes the load a little lighter. Alec thought himself condemned to a life of duty, married to someone he could never love romantically, but now he has a chance at something else. Something real.</span>
  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>
    <span>It’s daunting. </span>
  </span>
  <span>
    <span>There is every chance that he’ll fuck it up before it can go any further, and being aware of that makes it all the more terrifying, but it’s also hope. He’s inches away from achieving his dream of becoming the named Head of the Institute, after fighting so hard for so long, and now he might even marry someone</span>
  </span>
  <span>
    <span> who</span>
  </span>
  <span>
    <span> he’s growing to love.</span>
  </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>A</span>
    <span>re you awake?</span>
  </em>
  <span>
    <span> he texts Magnus much later, when he’s disentangled himself from his siblings and gently herded them back to the Institute three blocks away. He hesitated to leave Maryse alone, but she needs space to come to term with her new situation.</span>
  </span>
</p><p><span><span>Alec is getting ready for another shift in the ops center, and another long night</span></span> <span><span>catching up on everything he’s missed </span></span><span><span>during the day</span></span><span><span>. He has a pile of files in front of him beside his tablet and his headset </span></span><span><span>is</span></span><span><span> activated, ready to transmit to his team’s com runes. He stares at his phone for a moment after sending the impulsive text, wondering what prompted him.</span></span></p><p>
  <span>
    <span>All that thinking about Magnus and the future, probably. He still feels rough from crying, and his back hurts from hours spent in a poor posture. It was a </span>
  </span>
  <span>
    <span>difficult</span>
  </span>
  <span>
    <span> day, and it’s far from over.</span>
  </span>
</p><p>“Greenwater’s team got ambushed by a bunch of rogue werewolves,” Jens is updating him on the day’s events. “Ulrich was injured lightly in the leg, I’ve pulled him off the active roster for the rest of the week. The others are okay, but at least one wolf got away, so we had to send a second team after them. That means we’re short one patrol.”</p><p>Alec seriously considers waking his siblings back up to send them, but his phone vibrates in his hand. <em>It’s not that late in the Shadow World</em>. Magnus sent a picture of a glass of Martini in his ringed hand.</p><p>Alec smiles and looks back up at Jens. “Let’s change the Brooklyn patrol’s route to make up for it. I don’t want to ask Izzy and Jace, they’re tired enough as it is.” He can almost hear Magnus’ voice in his head, <em>Do you even take time off, Alexander?</em> His siblings deserve their night off, after a day like today.</p><p>“I’ll do it, sir,” Jens agrees. “Do you want to take them?”</p><p>“No, give them to Sandra. I’ve got three teams already and I’m running on a stamina rune.”</p><p>Jens frowns, and Alec almost regrets admitting that, but his lieutenant is one of the few people he gives the full truth about his health. The people who depend on him need to know when he’s going to collapse, Jens most of all.</p><p>“Shouldn’t you step down, sir?” Jens asks kindly.</p><p>“And give over to who? I can do this shift. I’ll sleep in the morning.”</p><p>Jens relents, but Alec has a feeling that he’ll find significantly less paperwork waiting on his desk tomorrow than he normally would.</p><p><em>How was your day?</em> Alec asks Magnus when Jens walks off in the direction of his office. Absently, he checks the status of his coms and opens the first file in front of him.</p><p><em>Full of boring meetings,</em> Magnus replies immediately. <em>Centuries-old warlocks don’t make fun PowerPoint presentations</em>.<em> How was yours?</em></p><p>Alec bites his lip, wondering how to answer that. He goes for honesty. <em>Tough. But we made it through.</em></p><p>
  <em>How’s your mother?</em>
</p><p><em>Adjusting</em>, Alec types. He decides that he doesn’t want to talk about her or the deruning anymore. <em>Do you know a Brother Zachariah?</em> he asks, remembering that the Silent Brother surprisingly mentioned Magnus by name.</p><p><em>He’s an old friend, of sorts,</em> Magnus replies, and Alec can hear his puzzlement even in the short text. <em>It’s a long story.</em></p><p>
  <span>
    <em>He said to give you his best, </em>
  </span>
  <span>
    <span>Alec </span>
  </span>
  <span>
    <span>writes. </span>
  </span>
  <span>
    <em>He was in a surprisingly sharing mood. Told me he used to be engaged to a warlock.</em>
  </span>
</p><p>It’s not a huge leap to assume that Magnus already knows that and he’s not spilling some guarded secret. Brother Zachariah didn’t say anything about keeping this private.</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Tessa Grey, </span>
  </em>
  <span>
    <span>Magnus answers. </span>
  </span>
  <em>
    <span>They would have gotten married if Jem hadn’t become a Silent Brother, but it was the only way to save his life.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Jem? That was his name?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Yes, Brother Zachariah was once Jem Carstairs, over a century ago. </span>
    <span>We have occasionally kept in contact over the years.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>
    <em>He told me he was disabled and ill as a mortal,</em>
  </span>
  <span>
    <span> Alec types, still shocked by that. There are very few records of disabled Shadowhunters in Clave history. He looked, frenetically, after his diagnosis. A few people </span>
  </span>
  <span>
    <span>with mostly invisible disabilities </span>
  </span>
  <span>
    <span>managed to pass the physicals and be assigned as support staff in an Institute, but every other permanently disabled Nephilim Alec has found never left Idris, the luckiest getting a desk job in the Clave’s offices.</span>
  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>
    <em>T</em>
  </span>
  <span>
    <em>he story isn’t mine to tell, but he was, though likely not in a way recognized by the Clave, </em>
  </span>
  <span>
    <span>Magnus answers – and that does make sense. Alec remembers what Luke told Jace about his mother Celine, who refused to seek treatment to avoid being declared incompetent. </span>
  </span>
  <span>
    <span>There must be many more disabled people who simply aren’t recorded by the system.</span>
  </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I </span>
    <span>see. It was interesting to talk to him. I forget that the Brothers are Nephilim too, sometimes.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>He doesn’t let himself feel disappointed. He has yet to find a case like his, a visibly disabled Shadowhunter climbing ranks – soon to be Head of an Institute. Some Shadowhunters injured on duty kept their officer position for a few years, but only in special cases such as war times or personnel shortage. Alec knows that he’s only here to stay for as long as he can pass the physicals, unless he changes the rules himself.</p><p>
  <span>
    <span>He hopes he will have enough time for tha</span>
  </span>
  <span>
    <span>t.</span>
  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>
    <span>His </span>
  </span>
  <span>
    <span>phone buzzes</span>
  </span>
  <span>
    <span> and brings him back to reality. He has work to do. </span>
  </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>You will find your own path, </span>
  </em>
  <span>
    <span>Magnus wrote, as if he read Alec’s mind. </span>
  </span>
  <em>
    <span>You will carve it yourself, if you have to. You’ve already started.</span>
  </em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Comments and kudos make my day! I'd love to hear your thoughts. I'm also on <a href="https://echo-bleu.tumblr.com/">Tumblr</a> and apparently now on <a href="https://twitter.com/echobleuet">Twitter</a> if you want to chat.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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